Becoming

By Jane (janeinpodunk@cs.com)

Disclaimer: Skies of Arcadia is the property of Overworks and Sega. No
money is being made from this fanfiction. It is for entertainment only.

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"Hey, Fina! You almost ready?" Aika called out, her clear, bright voice
drifting down to Fina's room.

"Almost!" Fina yelled back absently, gazing at her reflection in her 
mirror. Her hands brushed aside strands of hair that had fallen across 
her eyes, all the while contemplating the awkward, inexplicable feeling
welling up inside her.

*Fina*, she told herself, *you are only changing your outfit. There is
nothing strange or unusual about something so insignificant. It's a 
very small thing to change. For the sake of the Moons, go out there and 
stop holding everybody up.* 

Fina turned to the door, determined to walk over, open the door, and go
to the deck like a normal human being. She reached her hand out to push
open her bedroom door...

...and realized her hand was shaking like a leaf.

Sighing softly, Fina let her hand fall back to her side. *I can't go out
like this.* She walked over to her bed, where her familiar dress lay
spread on the mattress. The well-worn outfit had long ago lost its 
impeccable white shade, and was now closer to a very light, dull gray.
The intricate designs had faded, and the hem of the skirt and sleeves
had frayed noticably. Still...the old dress was strangely comforting to
Fina. Dropping the dress to the bed, Fina began to take off her vest.

She stopped herself midway. *You've made a big deal out of making this
new clothing. Everyone is expecting you to come out wearing something 
_new_. How are you explain yourself if you go up there with this old 
thing on?*

Fina pressed her hands to her face. *Why is this so hard?* she thought.
*It shouldn't be, but it _is_, and I just don't _understand_...*

...she suddenly felt like crying.

Blinking rapidly, Fina let her eyes take in the objects of her room in 
an attempt to take her mind off of...of...what?

Why am I crying over....

...changing?

Fina brought her hands up to the collar of her vest, gently running her
fingers over the coarse fabric--fabric woven for the specific purpose
of withstanding the rough life led by all who sailed the oceans; her gaze
fell to the long skirt designed to make movement as free as possible.
*This whole outfit is just going to make life easier. I'll finally be able
to do my job without worrying about tripping over my dress or dying from
the heat because it's too confining. It's all very natural to change when
the old ways don't work anymore...*

Childhood memories, long stored away, suddenly loomed large in Fina's 
mind.  Images of the cool and sterile Great Silver Shrine...long days
of listening to the Elder's teachings and memorizing the lessons, trying
to grow flowers in her room, and friends...her only friends...

She remembered him very well. Soft silvery hair cropped at his neckline-
even when he was very young-the delicate features of all Silvites, and 
bright, wide eyes.  Fina remembered his eyes best; they were so curious,
eager to learn and know and most of all *experience* everything possible.
She had never felt that she matched the passion or hunger for adventure
the way he had.

Thinking of his childhood led, inevitably, to thinking of what happened
after...seeing, once again, his face, once so eager and alive, gone cold
with bitterness and a quiet rage seething underneath...and the horrible
realization that *she no longer mattered*-was nothing-a mere footnote in
his life, when he had been the world to her.

And, no matter how hard she tried, no matter how hard she