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Here r some of Doctor MonkeyLove's Patients:
 
 

doc,

I don't know why but I tend to be a bitch to people... I find reasons to not
like someone just to bitch at them..but I don't feel guilty is this wrong???
should I feel bad?? I mean like for instance theres this chic and my friends
say hey don't talk to her cause shes a slut so of course I GOTTA be a bitch
to her..I even akicked her from a channel on my chatrooms ah well tell me ur
opinion plz.......

the so-called bitch
 
 

Dear So-Called Bitch,
As a monkey, I grew up being bitched at a lot... my mother was a
whore-house mascott that never shut the fuck up..
stop scratching that! quit picking your cousin's fleas you'll
have babies with 9 nipples! That is NOT where a banana goes!.... so I don't
really see a problem with bitching at people.

 The main reason that I have opened this forum to the public,
is to help people with their relationships with others and themselves,
since you are not having a problem with guilt, I think that your problem is
solved... now let's move on to someone I can help...
what's that sluts phone number ?
 
 
 
 

Yo Doc.
Well doc, u see I have this friend and shes like totally obbessed with
monkeys I am not sure why, but she even made a webpage with em on there!! I
dunno what to do it seems like its getting worse! can I stop this? is there
a cure??? Is it normal to be fixated on animals like this? I mean she has a
hatred for poor sheep and thats getting worse too! omg and shes afraid to
leave her pillows laying around anymore. Damnit whats the world coming
to???

plz help her!
Alicia
 
 
 

Dear Alicia,
Due to the anti-sheep theme of this page, I can only advocate her
hatred for sheep, as if I admit my deep love and devotion to
them I will be beaten with banana peelings until I am senseless and
pissing myself... however... this love for monkies... there is nothing
wrong with this. In fact, I think you should come into my main office...
and bring your friend along... maybe in an open threeso- ah forum..
we can work out your problems with monkies.. and help you to realize
that your friend does not have a problem.. but a fetish which is
completely understandable.. and admirable. Perhaps when you have
touched a monkey... felt it's hands and feet roam over your ample
body.. feel the sensation washing over you as it slips it's strong
monkey fingers deep into your.... hair... to... look for fleas...
maybe then you will... like..... monkies too....

The pillow problem is one I would also like to investigate further...
bring a few of those along too...
 
 
 
 
 

dear doc,

I dunno what it is...but lately I have had this incredible lust for
monkeys....I have been arrested many times due to this. People call me sick
but I beleive that they need loving too!!! I was much suprised to hear that
I had become pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby chimp...I named him
Sebastien, I have enclosed a picture. The father was in a circus and as u
can probably guess I saw him and fell in love. Is it wrong for me being a
human to love monkeys??? I mean I feel its my choice but your the doctor so
plz help me!!!

MonkeyLover
 

My pretty Lil Baby Boy
 
 

Dear Monkey F**ker errr Lover,
I cannot help but feel that this strange love for monkies stems from your brother...
who spent much of his younger times playing with his monkey..
and the monkies of others. Perhaps it was through this that you first
came in contact with monkies, and began feeling these things as well as
feeling these monkies. Their soft fur... looking into their deep human-like
eyes... and odd looking red asses. These are normal feelings, and I see
no problem.. what couples do behind closed doors... or bars.. with bananas
and black leather... is their business. On this issue I am pro choice. It is
your body and what you do with your monkey ... is your business!

p.s. enclosed is a photo of myself naked swinging on a vine... love on.. monkey lover
 
 
 

dear doctor,

    why won't you pay attention to me???? I have gotten out of jail and I
    promised never to kill anymore of my husbands and still you won't date me?
    why? do u have some sort of problem doctor? should I come to your house
    doctor? I know where you live doctor I sit and watch you doctor...and quit
    calling me a stalker I AM NOT A STALKER!!! I just like to follow you
    EVERYWHERE....YOU ARE MINE! sorry why do u make me like this?? I don't wanna
    lose control here doc but u are making me crazy I am not a loon u know u
    want me...just give me a chance...I swear I won't kill you.....I have a gun.
    But I promise not to bring it!!! Just meet me soon .....very soon....or else

    Secret follower
 
 

You Damn Stalker!!!,
If you do not stop looking into my offices when I am with my patients
I will begin to stalk you.. so well.. that you will never see me again... Your
feelings that I belong to you... I do not see where these come from,
I escaped from that fucking cage fair and square... you and your sick
twisted games with fishing line and banana peppers! I will tell your father
what you have done with his pool stick if you do not leave me alone!

Ahem... at any case... leave me the monkey-fuck alone.. I do not owe you
alamoni either... that damn kid looks more like the retriever next door than
he looks like me.. or is that just YOUR DNA?!?!

Your Monkey Doctor....
MonkeyLove