From the log of the Wyoming Laramie cruiser Defiant.

Earth date 12.17.1997.

Mission: To Rock Out at the LA Megaconcert.

Mission Status: Priority One. Reputation of Wyoming Laramie fleet on the line.

Captain Beth Aileen Dillon reporting.

We continue on our journey to see Metallica in their Reload concert. Accessed radio information on weather in Los(t) Angeles for our trip to the Megaconcert this date. Transmission from the Capital of Hell on Earth over radio signals was as follows:

"Greetings, citizens of the Tragic Kingdom, on this 17th day of December, only eight days away from HOHOHOMERRYCHRISTMAS. This morning treated us to sunny skies with 66% humidity and no precipitation, despite the pesky presence of El Nino this holiday season. Wind was from the east at 2 miles per hour, hardly enough to disturb a hair-sprayed do. Visibility was 4 miles for those of us needing to fly or to find out where we are in the smog. The high reached 67 degrees after coming in at 51. Eat your heart out, Seattle! Winds increased to 7 miles per hour, but hairdos remained safe. Still not strong enough to push away the smog. Visibility remained a dismal 4 miles. But hey, who needs to see that far ahead?

Sunrise happened at 7:45 a.m., and the sun set at 4:28 p.m. The moon rose at 8:34 p.m. and will set at 10:15 a.m. tomorrow. Don't worry, the werewolves aren't out, because it's not even a half full moon. The full moon comes on January 12. But we're lucky. The smog will probably block it out, and the werewolves will get confused, probably turning into half hearted monsters at best.

The pressure systems promise continued dryness throughout the week. Thursday should see more clouds than sun with a high of 64 and a low of 47. But on Friday, clouds should break somewhat, with a high of 64 and a low of 45. Saturday and Sunday, though, look all sunny, with a 65/46 high/low and a 62/47 high low, respectively. Yummy!

This has been your southern California weather report for Wednesday, December 17. In the event of actual weather, including El Nino effects, clean air, or Armageddon, you would have been notified on emergency broadcast channel XYZ. So never mind. It's just another sunny day in the Tragic Kingdom."

This broadcast ended in favor of a Metallica CD. Note to self: No werewolves expected to appear during time of the Megaconcert, so do not automatically shoot hairy people with silver bullets.

Captain's log off.