Dear Tech Support:

 Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and 
 noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes
 to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe,
 flower, and jewelry  applications that operated flawlessly under
 Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of  this phenomenon was included in the
 product brochure.

 In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs
 such as Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1 
 and installs new undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, 
 Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.0 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5.
 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.
 Under no circumstances will it run Diaper Changing 14.1 or House
 Cleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0,
 but this all-purpose utility is of limited effectiveness.

 Can you help

 Please!!!!???

 Sincerely, Jolene


 Dear Jolene;

 This is a very common problem, but is mostly due to a primary 
 misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
 Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an
 ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an
 OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to
 run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge
 Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0
 is not designed to do this. Hidden  operating files within your
 system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0,
 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or
 purge the program files from the system, once installed.
 Any new program files can only be installed once per year,
 as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.  Error messages
 are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0 In desperation
 to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get 
 new applications to work, some women have tried to install 
 Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0.   However, these users end up 
 with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.  Look
 in your manual under user "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support".
 You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes
 bundled with heartbreak 1.3.  I recommend you keep Husband 1.0,
 and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. 
 Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you
 read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults 
 (GPFs).  This a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed
 by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.
 Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and
 problems, regardless of root cause.

 To activate this great feature enter the command
 "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" 
 Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
 command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3
 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.  
 TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create 
 additional and more serious GPFs, and  ultimately YOU may have to give
 a C:\APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations.
 Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, or
 worse yet, Beer 6.0.  Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0
 to create Fat Belly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard 
 to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

 Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
 GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all
 the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.  Husband 1.0 is a great program, but
 it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
 Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
 recommend Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1.  Used in 
 conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running
 smoothly.  After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar
 and you will find many valuable embedded features such as 
 FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and Best Friend 7.6.

 A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother
 In Law 1.0.  This is not a supported application, and will cause selective
 shut down of the operating system.  Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 
 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.  I hope these notes
 have helped.  Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at
 Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.  We trust you will
 learn to fully enjoy this product!