| Down-sized elevator
operators got the shaft. |
| Veterinarians call a spayed
a spayed. |
| I wish I had a dollar for
every time I said "Money isn't everything." |
| No one can make you feel
inferior without your consent. |
| Hummingbirds hum because
they can't remember the words |
| Self-made men are often
victims of shoddy workmanship. |
| Some people run into debt,
but it's more popular to drive into it. |
| Does a legal secretary have
to be over 21? |
| A toupee is a breadth of
fresh hair. |
| If money doesn't grow on
trees, how come banks have so many branches? |
| Remember when people got a
kick out of their jobs instead of a byte? |
| Today, even the future isn't
what it used to be. |
| Young dermatologists start
from scratch. |
| If you're not crazy today,
you're out of your mind. |
| A round of golf a day keeps
the doctor away. |
| It's easier to get into a
college than a labour union. |
| Today bargain basements are
on the third floor. |
| Pessimists no it all. |
| We create our habits then
our habits create us. |
| At Karate conventions people
love to talk chop. |
| The world is full of apathy,
but nobody cares. |
| A good round sum can square
anything. |
| The trouble with free buffet
is that it tastes free. |
| Shouldering responsibilities
keeps your feet planted in the ground. |
| Start at the top; Dig the
ditches. |
| Don't eat fast - haste makes
waist ! |
| seismologists find FAULT
with everything. |
| Never judge a book by its
movie. |
| People who can't make up
their minds are ambivalence chasers. |
| Don't Overtax yourself; let
the government do it for you. |
| Gossips and Golfers always
enjoy a good lie. |
| Justice isn't blind she's
just too afraid to watch. |
| Landscapers know that trees
grow on money. |
| How come marriage licenses
don't require a learning permit? |
| Money can't buy happiness,
but it makes finding it a lot easier. |
| A silent "Thank
You" is unheard of gratitude. |
| A lot of stockbrokers
predict the future by gazing into your wallet. |
| By the time you pay for your
home in the suburbs, you're living in the city. |
| a cynic believes love is the
last childhood disease. |
| Retirees have 365 holidays a
year. |
| Today's mighty Oak is
yesterday's little nut that held its ground. |
| When money talks, nobody
checks the grammar. |
| A seat belt keeps you from
leaving the scene of an accident. |
| Bachelors : Foot loose and
fiancée free. |
| An egotist takes flattery
for granted. |
| Contact man : All con, no
tact. |
| When it comes to reading
shocking material, you can't beat the price tag on a new car. |
| The good thing about amnesia
is that you don't remember having it. |
| When some people buy a car,
they think the road comes with it. |
| Sarcasm is a mutter of
opinion |
| Overweight is often just
Desserts. |
| Acupuncture works - you
never see a sick porcupine! |
| Use your brain! It's
the little things that count. |
| The economy's in trouble
when a piggybank costs more than it can hold. |
| Avoid competition -- settle
for an honest living. |
| Never chase a clock with a
car. |