MPD written by a person with DID

(I do NOT remember where I downloaded this information. I wish I could link you back to it. If anyone has more information as to the author of this information, please email me with the information.)

Multiple Personlity Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder) is the existence within a person of two or more distinct personalities. The different personalities are referred to as "alters". Alters may have experienced a distinct personal history, self-image, and identity, including a separate name, as well as age. At least two of these personalities recurrently take control of the person's behavior.

For me multiplicity is life, not a definition, but the purpose here is to help the non-multiple gain insight about the inner world of the multiple, so the following is my own personal definition of MPD.

Multiplicity, simply put, is about hiding, pain and survival, no more, no less. It is a desperate, completely creative, and wonderful survival mechanism. For the child who endures repeated and inescapable abuse, it may be their only escape.

Individuals most likely to develop MPD share several common factors. They have endured repetitive, and often life-threatening abuse during a developmental stage of childhood. The type of abuse can vary or be a combination of physical, extreme emotional, sexual or Satanic Ritual Abuse. The multiple may have a biological predisposition for auto-hypnotic phenomena, or in plain english, a high level of hypnotizablitiy.

To understand MPD, it is helpful to have a basic understanding of dissociation. Dissociation is the state in which, a person becomes separated from reality. Picture dissociation as line with a continuum (see the illustration below) from normal everyday experiences, to disorders that fall in the middle, such as Post Traumatic Stress, to those that go to the far extreme, MPD.

Common examples of normal dissociation are highway hypnosis (a trance like state) which at one time or another, most have experienced. For instance, Have you ever been driving and suddenly wondered, "Did I stop for that last stoplight?" or become so engrossed in a book that you are no longer aware of your surroundings?, or watched a movie and your sense of the present is lost?, even daydreaming is a common form of dissociation.

Dissociation is a common defense mechanism against childhood abuse. There is no adult onset of Multiple Personality. Only children have the flexibility, to fracture off from the "core" personality and escape the traumatic and painful memory. The common belief among most professionals is the personality splintered or fractured before the age of five.

Those with MPD have a dominant personality that determines the individual's behavior. Each personality has a separate and consistent pattern of perceiving their environment, themselves and others. The internal world of an individual who has MPD is structured, although each person's system is as unique as non-multiples are from one another. There are several metaphors that MPD's use to describe how they function and what their internal world looks and acts like.

Each multiple has a specific way they see the inside of their mind, where the alters live when they are not in control of the body. Examples include stages, tunnels, houses, and levels. These are their internal homes, where they go when they are not are not out, in control of the body , or when they are hiding. It is helpful for a person with MPD to make a map or diagram of their internal personality system.

The alter's job is to protect the host personality from the memory of the trauma, therefore, it is not necessary for all alters to look and act differently than the host. This task is accomplished for the co-conscious MPD, by means of the dissociative barriers, or for the non-conscious MPD, walls of amnesia. I will elaborate on non conscious versus co-conscious on the next page, but for now either form of MPD would produce typical types of alters. I have listed them below:

A depressed, exhausted host.

A strong, angry protector.

A scared, hurt child.

A helper.

An internal persecutor who blames one or more of the alters for the abuse they have endured. (Sometimes patterened or named after the actual abuser)

Multiples, as well as those who deal with them, come to recognize different alters as completely separate people, rather than just different aspects of the same person. The different personalities usually have different names, ages, gender, likes, dislikes. Certain alters may have physical or mental abilities that the others do not possess. Often there is a difference in body language, speech and mannerisms. Some MPD's (myself included) have an alter that changes the color of the eyes, while others have been known to have one alter with cancer, diabetes, etc., while all the other alters remain healthy or have their own ailments. While most multiples have alters who are very similar to one another, the difference can be so minute, that at times, even the MPD themselves might have a difficult time distinguishing the difference. I personally have several sets of twins, which can prove a bit difficult at times for me to distinguish between.

If you know someone who is multiple, remember that for them each of the alters are different people. One may do or say something while in control of the body that another would not. Some alters have very specific jobs and you will only see them when they are out to do whatever their job might be. You might like some of the alters better than others but it is a general thought in the psychological community to try not to show partiality between the alters. Also, don't be afraid to ask the MPD questions and learn about them, all of them. Most people who are multiple are more than willing to answer your questions, and even welcome someone who takes the time to ask.

I must admit, that I put off writing this section the longest. I am a co-conscious multiple and desire for people to understand what exactly this means, but when researching for this page, I found precious few. I am telling you this so you know, I have no resources to refer you to for further information and everything mentioned here is my own thought and personal experience.

Most everyone that thinks of Multiple Personality Disorder tends to think of the multiple as someone who loses track of time or suffers amnesia when different alters are out and in control of the body. If you consult the DSMV-IV it will also tell you that is a requirement. For many multiples this is true, but not for all. I know first hand that Co-Consciousness is also a reality.

Now, with that said, let me attempt to explain just what Co-Consciousness means. It is when all or most of the personalities within the person's system, cooperate as a group. The different alters are aware of the others, share and pass along information, and can even see what goes on if they choose, when they are not the person out in control of the body. The best way I know to describe how this works is to ask you to imagine being in a theatre, in front of the stage. From that viewpoint, you can see all the actors and props up close and firsthand. Now picture standing at the very back of this large theatre, what the view from this vantage point might be. You could still see and hear everything, however, it would not be as lucid or meaningful as it was in front of the stage. For the multiple, being in front of the stage is similiar to being out and in control of the body, and being in the back is similiar to experiecing what is taking place externally, from the inside.

Every multiple has their own unique system and map inside as I stated a previous page. My system uses a revolving door as the means to go in and out of control of the body.

After speaking with my family about exactly how we would present this page to you, we decided on an interview type format. Our thought was that this would provide you with the most information.

The following interview with my husband and my teenage daughter, will be done by yours truly.

Question:

How did you find out about your wife being a multiple?

Husband:

Several years ago my wife and I had an argument one afternoon. I went to the store and when I got home I found my wife sitting at the table with curled up fist over each eye. As I approached, I noticed that she was acting like a child. I spoke with the person who was out attempting to find out who was there. I ascertained it was a four year old little girl, talked to her briefly and left the room to call my wife's therapist.

Question:

What was going through your mind when you first realized what was happening?

Husband:

Holy S__!! (Well, you can fill in the blank here..*S*) This doesn't happen to real people, only to people on Oprah. Then it was, "Wow, this is really weird" but then it was also, "Wow, this is kind of neat."

Question:

Had there ever been any signs before this that might have made you suspect your wife was multiple?

Husband:

Yes. There had been times in the past, after arguing, that my wife(or the person I thought was my wife) would begin to cry like a small child and say things connected to her childhood that seemed irrelevant to our argument. It was during these times that I would suspect something, however, the only thing I thought I knew about multiple personalities was that you had to lose time, like Sybil. My wife always had a keen sense of awareness, time and a hundred times the memory I had, and not knowing about co-consciousness, I dismissed her being multiple.

Question:

How has the discovery that your wife is a multiple changed your life?

Husband:

I now have more people, children included, to talk to, to share ideas with, to see the world from different aspects, to love, to hug, and yes, to argue and disagree with. There are teenagers, small children, adults, males and even toddlers that fill my life everyday with warmth, caring, and loving friendship.

Question:

Is it hard not to show favoritism toward one alter over another?

Husband:

Yes. I love all the alters but it is most difficult at times, not to show a partiality toward the children. For example, sitting on the couch, watching a western on T.V., I come face to face with a five year old "Billy the Kid". I am now inclined to have a shootout in the middle of the living room. Now, how many of you can do that! *S*

Question:

Is it difficult for you with your wife having male alters?

Husband:

At first, I thought there might be some problem. I quickly came to realize that I had known them all along. For instance, Bobby, the baseball player, who could outdo just about anybody catching and throwing a ball. There also, is an advantage when it comes to what type of television program we watch. I get to see alot more action movies when the guys are out. The down side is the male

alters are usually the protectors of my wife's system, so sometimes caution in dealing with them is also needed.