If Restaurants Functioned Like HMO's...

Waiter: Hi, my name is Sir Tuss, and I'll be your Gatekeeper to Healthy Service.  What seems to be your problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: And what makes you think this is a problem that requires my attention?

Patron: The fly doesn't belong in my Soup.  This was supposed to be the Healthy Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're looking at the soup.  Try looking at it with your eyes closed instead.

Patron: Even when I close my eyes, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Are you sure this fly in your soup really needs attention?

Patron: It isn't supposed to be there!  And it's UNHealthy, Sir Tuss!  And I ordered the Healthy Soup of the Day!

Waiter: And where is this pie and why do you have it?  That's not what we recommended, nor suggested you try!

Patron: It's NOT a PIE!  It's a fly!  And it's in my SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, the soup is on our recommended Healthy Menu.  Maybe it's a digestive problem.

Patron: You brought this soup to me and it has a fly in it!  What has that to do with whether or not I have a digestive problem?

Waiter: Have you seen a specialist for this denial of your digestive problem?

Patron: I do not have a digestive problem!  There is a fly in my soup.  I would like to receive what I paid for.  And TODAY would be nice, while I still have an appetite.

Waiter: Can you tell me when you noticed this problem with digesting our Healthy Soup?

Patron: When I sat down and began to EAT your recommended HEALTHY Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered changing your choice of Soup?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day that I can choose from?

Waiter: Yes, the Healthy Soup of the Day is changed every hour depending on our chef's mood.

Patron: Well, what is the Healthy Soup of the Day this hour?

Waiter: The current Healthy Soup of the Day is Tomato.

Patron: Fine.  Bring me the Tomato soup, without a fly

Waiter: You will still have to pay for the Soup you have now, since you DID choose it when it WAS the Healthy Soup of the Day!

Patron:  Fine, I just really need to eat something.  I came here to eat Healthy.  I no longer feel it's so important to eat Healthy.

[Waiter leaves and returns, handing the Healthy Soup with a smile]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir.  The Healthy Soup of the Day without a fly.

Patron: This is Potato Soup.

Waiter: Yes, the chef didn't feel it was cost effective to make the Healthy Tomato Soup.  Potatoes cost less than Tomatoes.  Can't be helped.  Besides there isn't much difference; it's still soup, and they are almost spelled the same.  Can I do anything else for you?

Patron: Oh, no!!  There's a gnat in my soup!  Do you serve ANY Healthy food here?

Waiter: Sir, we need to ask you to leave and not come back.  Please pay your check and we will consider serving you when your digestive problem has been taken care of.  You are costing us too much money and giving us a bad reputation.  Good-bye!