The story

Here is my first epic that I worked on for ages. It's about my visit to my buddy Ben's house. It's really long, but I split it into twelve sections. It's not that bad in little sections, right? So just read it. It's the best poem ever.

Pizza Surprise
by Jonathan Charlton
April 25, 1999 - August 26, 1999

Part I - Leaving


I plan this poem to be real lengthy
But my writing skills are very strengthy
Of my visit to Ben’s I’ll tell the tale
I’m very manly, I’m not female
I was getting picked up Friday afternoon
Don’t make me mad or you I’ll moon
I guess that rhyme was pretty gross
I don’t moon people, just so you knows
I thought to say something less sick
But my interest wasn’t pricked
Not to say that mooning I love!
Aurgh! I think I’ve said enough
This poem needs to get back on track
Of it’s subject there should be no lack
A suitcase and bag my stuff was all packed in
They stretched with so much filling, I'm glad they weren’t tin
At waiting for Ben’s Mommers I’d come very far
She finally arrived and we drove off in her car
To tell the truth it was a van
But I gotta make this rhyme when I can

Part II - The Play


I was not being driven to Ben’s house first
A play needed to be rehearsed
Some thespian thing is wherefore was my friend
My Pop says that means actor, that is the common trend
All right, I admit, that line was really lame
But what would you have written if you tried to say the same?
Ben’s Mom and I arrived and the place was a church
Finding the front doors took not much of a search
Once inside I was introduced
To a guy who’s hair probably wasn’t moosed
I was informed he lived near me
Though of him I did not once see
The room was filled down to it’s toes
With people wearing funny clothes
Many a wig and a hat I did see
They looked mighty funny… hee hee hee
Among those actors were Ben’s sisters three
Meredith, Elizabeth and Emily
The older two, not Emily, were acting in the play
I guess it’s cause she’s 5 years old, next week’s the month of May
Do you want to know what scared me a lot?
The lips of many guys were with lipstick fraught
My first close view of actors I found to be so strange
That I would have liked to sing home, home on the range
A few of all those actors were people I once knew
Over a year I’d not seen them, I know it’s long, but true
If you know me well at all this will be no surprise
Point of Grace was on my shirt, they’re all married to guys
I met the moosless guy and what I thought then
Was to find my manly buddy Ben
This is so great, is it not?
That many rhymes has Ben’s name got
I spotted Ben through a doorway
When he saw me, he yelled, “Hey!”
He squeezed on through a crowd of fellas
The props had one, not two umbrellas
I noticed stuff when he got near
One of those things filled me with fear
The first thing was that he had grown
He’d become a Ben full blown
I don’t mean he was real fat
Of my good friend would I say that?
Well, maybe I would if he made me cranky
To blow my nose I use a hanky
What scared me more than a drunken ton-ton
Was all the makeup he had on
Don’t worry, he oft wears it not
But on him during acting can it be caught
He said hi to me but he had to go
To practice putting on a show
What was happening at the church that day
Was the videotaping of the play
I was to watch the whole thing through
Without the aid of sniffing glue
It’s just a joke, all you out there
So don’t you start to curse and swear
Every single actor was to get on stage and pose
So a group shot could be taken with them standing in rows
Before that happened someone said hello to me by name
I had no clue how she knew me, I don’t have that much fame
I figured she must be someone I knew from long ago
But who on earth that person was by then I didn’t know
It took a lengthy time to get everyone on stage
How long you ask? I’m not quite sure. I know it felt an age
I sat down in a chair as I had nothing else to do
A little later Emily came and sat down too
In the crowd up on the stage I saw Elizabeth
I wondered why up to that point I’d not seen Meredith
I questioned Emily since she was sitting down right there
She pointed right up on the stage so as to show me where
When I looked up there I almost had a heart attack
Maybe cause of fatty foods I seem to have no lack
It was the girl who’d said hi earlier
I could see why I didn’t recognize her
She looked like a different person altogether
For all I knew, her name could have been Heather
I knew it’d been about a year
I still found it immensely weird
I know those don’t exactly rhyme
Is that such an awful crime?
Emily was fidgety and had to move around
She gave me a tour of the church, we covered lots of ground
Soon I thanked my lucky stars
That I hadn’t gone in real far
Can you guess where I almost went?
The girls dressing room; out was I sent
Once of that room I was free
I ran to my seat so quickly
After a while the play got going
Soon the spotlights started glowing
Keep in mind that this time there was not an audience
They acted for the videocamera, most of them wore pahnts
Don’t you get any weird thoughts
The pantless folk had dresses lots
I don’t think that I’ll describe the play in much detail
If you care (though this I doubt) then write me some e-mail
That’s America is what the play was called
In one scene Ben played Ben Franklin, his head was going bald
I could be wrong, I think that’s who
If wrong I’m proved then moo moo moo
Sense is what that did not make
What moos while it’s alive is steak
In my buddies favorite scene, he got to drink beer
Then dancing girls came out on stage. He’d watch and loudly cheer
When at last the play was done I breathed a sigh of relief
But that feeling was short lived, and soon it turned to grief
The play directors made the actors sit up on the stage
So as to yell what they did wrong, in a blinding rage
Then they had to do some scenes all over once again
Well lookie here, another rhyme that fits with buddy Ben
The beer scene needed done again, it was wrong the time last
My good friend Ben was overjoyed, his bliss was unsurpassed
Ben’s middle sis, Elizabeth, was done with all her scenes
So she came and watched with me, my shorts were made of jeans
At long long last the time had come to leave that church abode
I couldn’t wait to leave that place, I longed to hit the road
Now if you are Ben’s Mom or someone you may feel real sad
That my time there I made to sound like it was really bad
As I look back I’d have to say
I’d do it again any day
Now that it’s through it seemed so fun, I find that very odd
If you see me then you’ll agree I’ve got a manly bod

Part III - Going to Ben’s


It took a while for us to leave, Ben couldn’t find his pants
If I were him and I found them I’d do a happy dance
While I waited I met someone with such lovely taste
In the past she’d seen a concert that was Point of Grace
In the van I went to wait
If Ben came quickly, woohoo great
Once outside I saw it rained and was a little foggy
I hopped in the van real fast so I would not get soggy
Elizabeth was in there munching on tomato grapes
The vans windows were well tinted; no need to put up drapes
She offered me some of the food
My brother likes the song Hey Jude
I didn’t think they looked that good
Small tomatoes aren’t my favorite fud
We waited there for the others to come
Time would have passed more quick with rum
Then Meredith came wanting something to eat
I don’t think shoes were on her feet
She spoke of finding a blueberry muffin
She thoroughly searched, but still found nothin
Sweet Escapes I think were called the candy bars she found
She said that they had half the fat so you would not grow round
That second half she didn’t say
I had to make it rhyme, okay?
I had one of the candy bars, it made me very glad
I know that I said otherwise, but no lunch had I had
I didn’t want to be a bother
To Ben’s nice kind and loving Mahther
Next Ben’s Mommers and Emily got in
We needed but to find the Ben and driving could begin
We waited long to no avail
Out patientness was growing frail
Ben needed some looking for, his Mom made Meredith go
The very thought of hunting him seemed to fill her with woe
She was real tired from the play
And she hardly ate all that day
She hadn’t gone real far at all
When up walked Ben, big and tall
By big, be sure it’s muscles I meant
For other reasons, me he’d dent
Meredith hopped in the front when
In the van came buddy Ben
So I could sit next to him you see
I think she was still quite hungry
What a wonderful rhyme in my mind I just thought
Not see, hungry, but now I forgot
All in the van we finally left
Thanks heavens there had been no van theft
Again was I surprised to see
This full grown Ben looking back at me
He still had lots of makeup on
I said I’d be happier when it was gone
In 15 or 20 minutes I’d say
We got to where Ben’s house does lay

Part IV - Ben’s House


I was immensely happy to be where that Ben does dwell
My good buddy Ben’s house has a very unique smell
The smell is quite intriguing, it isn’t bad at all
By saying that I hope to avoid an angry phone call
I went ahead and put my things right on Ben’s bedroom floor
I had a lot of heavy stuff, it was no easy chore
Did you know that broken is the lock upon his door?
When he puts duck tape on it, it works just as before
A bit of packing I then undid
I made sure my undies were well hid
Ben opened my broken CD player
He examined it while sitting in his desk chaiyr
He took my CD wallet and looked at everything inside
“8 Point of Grace CDs??!!” my horrified buddy cried
Of albums Point of Grace really has just four
The others aren’t for retail sale, they’re not found at a store
Actually, once one of them was, but isn’t anymore
Many things rhyme with that, for example Al Gore
At fixing my CD player Ben failed utterly
It doesn’t matter much though, I got a new one free
Since Point of Grace’s E-CD really is da bomb
At the first opportune time I put it in Ben’s CD-ROM
Don’t you dare think that “da bomb” I normally say
In fact to do it regularly, me you’d have to pay
On the CD the trivia quiz Benjamin tried to do
Of ten questions asked him, he only got right two
Circle of Friends answered my bud once, maybe he’s slow of learning
The correct answer he should know well was Keep the Candle Burning!
I guess it’s only fair to see it from Ben’s point of view
At MxPx trivia I’d not get even two
By that time Meredith had gone to her friends place
It wasn’t till the next day that of her we’d see a trace
Ben put his MxPx CD in the CD Player
At first the volume was so loud it stood up all our haiyr
Faster than a speeding bullet Ben turned down the sound
I snuck and paused the CD when Ben was not around
Ben showed me his bow and arrows used for shooting stuff
My strength for pulling back the string was just barely enough
Is it me or is this poem getting really boring?
I know that I would much rather watch Superman high soaring
I better say something made for amusing
So your attention I won’t be losing
At making folk laugh this joke is no slouch:
A guy walked into a bar – ouch!
I better tell another while I’m on a roll
This next joke is hysterical, and that’s no bull
Into a bar walked a panda bear
Completely covered with panda hair
He ordered food and ate it up
Most likely he enjoyed his sup
He then proceeded shooting everything around
Plates dishes and beer bottles went crashing to the ground
Then he walked out as proud as you please
Knocking were the bartenders knees
The bartender went after him and asked him for a reason
He couldn’t understand it, it wasn’t bar hunting season
“You’re not so smart, are you?” asked the panda big and hairy
“I’m a panda, look it up inside the dictionary!”
The bartender looked it up, this is how it reads
Here’s a panda’s diet: a panda eats, shoots and leaves!
Ho ho ho that is about as funny as jokes get
If you know me though, then you’ve heard that one I bet
Ben and I both needed to go off to CVS
Why’d we need to go, you ask? Oh come on, can’t you guess?
We needed beverages and food to fill our tummies
Wrapped in many bandages are Egyptian mummies
Ben’s little sisters wanted to play Bob on the computer
On how to shoot once in the game, them I had to tutor
I watched them play and helped them out and kept track of their turns
There’s this one place in the game where you can hide in ferns
I think Ben wandered off somewhere, I didn’t give much heed
I must have been so wrapped in Bob that Ben I didn’t need
Ben wanted a shower so he went and got real clean
Among the four in Point of Grace there is Shelley Lynn Breen
While Ben was wet and naked we continued playing Bob
I showed the girls how in the game the pet store you could rob
In the midst of this excitement Ben showed up from his shower
He had already dressed by then, if not I’d quickly cower
All throughout my visit Ben got me so irritated
He kept on saying to me, “Gotta keep ‘em separated.”
Ben reminded me that we needed to be gone
It had become dusk already; dusk mind you, not dawn
Elizabeth and Emily begged us to buy them gum
Bubble Tape they each longed for, both of them wanted some
They gave us money of their own and we walked out the door
It brought to mind my visit to Ben one full year before
Like we were now we did then go, off to CVS
And just like now they likewise did make us buy gum no less
That was truly bad, both those lines were hard to follow
I betcha that those horrid lines were more than you could swallow

Part V - Going Shopping


To get to CVS, Ben and I were riding bikes
If you saw Ben in a dark alley, you’d run and yell, “Yikes!”
Ben told me to get a helmet just in case I fall
I found one hanging on my bike but it was way too small
Ben went and got me one of size yet still it didn’t fit
Ben laughed at me and showed me why: I hadn’t unstrapped it
Once I had it on I felt my head was being strangled
Ben loosened the straps for me so I would not be mangled
Finally we biked away, my helmet was secure
Nothing would deter us now, we would arrive for sure
Barely did those last lines rhyme, of this I am aware
I doesn’t bother me too much, I really do not care
The sun had sunk low already, gray clouds were in the sky
To get to CVS on time, we would have to fly
It was damp and rainy, mist was falling all around
The darkness was closing in and fog was on the ground
I sped down the watery road, the rain on me collected
I was wet and shivering but Ben seemed unaffected
We’d only got to our first turn and Ben made us go back
He forgot to take with him his trusty black back-pack
Without a pack you cannot take home very much creme soda
We’re that flavors biggest fans, we planned to buy a loada
I was glad to turn around, my hair was wet and dripping
I took comfort that in time, soda I’d be sipping
I walked in the house and removed my two shoes both
That same evening Ben would meet someone that he’d betroth
I ran to get my big sweatshirt, with it on I felt bold
Cause now the wind’s searching fingers wouldn’t get me cold
Elizabeth and Emily were there playing Bob still
I’m surprised as you are: It was of their own free will
Ben’s backpack procured, we each hopped up on our ride
Ben’s bike was faster than mine, his speed he couldn’t hide
My big sweatshirt absorbed all the rain that fell on I
After getting home again I still was nice and dry
Ben led me down the turning roads, he guided without fail
We crossed two roads in that wet haze and lived to tell the tale
Our anxious Mommers might read this and smack us to the ground
Already I can hear them say that biking wasn’t sound
I’ll have you know we only crossed two roads that had traffic
Of safe crossing methods that we used, you can take your pick
We stayed on the crosswalk, we made sure to look both ways
We waited till the walking sign gave us it’s pale green gaze
We parked the bikes by Safeway cause we had to go there too
We couldn’t lock the bikes up, I wondered what Ben would do
Ben brought his bike lock but he forgot the combination
Trying to remember would just end in frustration
We put the bikes, side by side, onto the bike rack
We sure hoped they would still be there when we both got back
The interior of Safeway had bright florescent lighting
After all the cold and rain it seemed very inviting
I soon came to like the store, it was nice and pleasant
Though I’d be shocked if I found an aisle with raw pheasant
We went to the soda aisle and got our creme delight
We got it so that we’d stay wakeful late into the night
I just found out recently it doesn’t have caffeine
Again I say, in Point of Grace, there is Shelley Lynn Breen
That caffeine thing indeed makes sense, it would explain a lot
Even after drinking it, sleepy I still got
We went on to the cookie aisle and got some ginger snaps
The ginger snap factory sure has some lucky chaps
We had to make a choice: which doritoes should we buy?
The choice was real taxing, we were each a hungry guy
In the end we both agreed and we got spicy nacho
You can tell by our choice in chips that we’re both very macho
I think that’s all that we bought there, of this I do believe
If I find later that I’m wrong I’ll hang my head and grieve
Ben looked for a quick checkout lane but he had no such luck
We had to wait just like the rest, in lines like little ducks
While in the line I joked about the magazines in rows
How everybody on them had forgotten most their clothes
When our turn came Ben told the clerk to double bag the soda
I know it’s trite and overused, but all that rhymes is Yoda
We grabbed our bags and went outside and ran to our two wheelers
They were still there, there had not been any bicycle stealers
Ben put the soda in his pack then showed me a neat trick
Handle bars hold grocery bags, now isn’t that real slick?
We biked across the parking lot, I avoided a pool
I like the part in Star Wars where there’s that light saber duel
Right outside of CVS again we parked our bikes
Those bikes were very manly, they were no little trikes
I think we propped them up against a reserved parking sign
First Ben propped his bike up, and then I propped up mine
We thought that it would be wise not to leave the food behind
We grabbed our bags and went inside and looked for gum to find
We’d gotten all that we needed, shopping at Safeway
Bubble tape was our last goal, on that wet Friday
We searched very intently, our eyes went to and fro
But where the gum was hid, we were at a loss to know
We’d only checked the candy aisle, but then we searched much more
We both split up so we could cover more ground in the store
After much rough hunting we at last gave up the chase
There wasn’t any bubble tape in that whole cursed place
Just in case you’re weird, there’s something I should tell you
The word cursed does not have one syllable, but two
This makes the rhythm fit much better, you must understand
When I grow up I plan to be on Point of Grace’s band
Actually I’d like to be on it right this moment
But first I really ought to learn to play an instrument
A little off the track now, that’s where these lines have gone
Lucy, in that book Narnia has tea with a fawn
I think I’m really tired, that’s why I’m so distracted
That morning Ben and his sisters got up on stage and acted
I’m sure you’ve heard enough of this, I’m gonna hit the sack
Don’t fear, to you it seems in seconds I will be right back
Cause later I’ll keep writing and finish up this tale
This poems much more fun to read after chugging some ale
Well of course, what isn’t? That sort of goes without saying
Did you know giving horses ale will really get them neighing?
Please forgive me if this ale talk doesn’t bring you pleasure
The truth is you should only drink ale in moderate measure
All right, that’s it, I’m finished, now I’m gonna go to bed
But first of course I must put something up atop my head
I wear headphones every night before my eyes are closed
And listen to music that is oh so well composed
I never heard “composed” associated with pop music
But it rhymed, and I must say that that surely is real slick
To guess what I hear every night you’ll need no puzzled face
It sure does rhyme so there’s a hint, the group is Point of Grace
Snore snore snore snore snore snore, I’m going to do just that
Don’t disturb my sweet repose, I’ll hit you with a cat
It’s morning now, so here I am to write stuff once again
Now listen up, just like a chick would to it’s mother hen
We bought some other kind of gum for Ben’s two sisters sake
Watermelon and strawberry we thought wise to take
We hurried home on those two bikes, at parts we went real fast
And we rode by everything on the way there we’d passed

Part VI - Preparing Zelda


We went inside, took off our shoes and I ditched my sweatshirt
It’s very understanding though, it’s feeling weren’t hurt
It’s just that it was so soggy, and I wished to be dry
So I tossed it onto Ben’s bed and there I let it lie
Oh heart attack of heart attacks, this fact you won’t believe
But it’s the truth, The Whole Truth mind, so don’t you scoff and leave
Through our long absence Ben’s two sisters kept on playing Bob
That’s good though, it’s a  spiffy game, so don’t you cry and sob
I sat and watched them play, then Ben wandered off somewhere
I found out soon that he had gotten something from his lair
By “lair” I mean his bedroom, that was just a poet’s word
If you hang out with poets some things like that will be heard
Ben had gone and gotten my Nintendo 64
When I found out, my feet were running fast across the floor
Of this part of our visit we planned with much foresight
We’d looked forward to playing Zelda late into the night
We had some major trouble getting the game to work
That punk TV I called mean names, like big fat ugly jerk
I’d seen this same thing happen, when elsewhere had I tried
This time was no different from those, again I sat and cried
It seems the wires my systems got are not so widely known
I was so scared that our party we might have to postpone
Thank the maker that Ben has a friend that likes to loan
His buddy Andrew had the wire to get our game a going
We set it up and soon the right things on the screen were showing
Something still was not right yet
Black and white was the TV set
The sound too was badly distorted
So the game we soon aborted
Ben had once seen something of this type of malady
He knew the things that needed done to set the colors free
Soon afterwards he got it fixed and we played merrily
I made a noble sacrifice, I gave Ben my saved game
I loved that game so dearly, erasing it was a shame
Ben had played the early parts of Zelda lots before
By now the cinematic stuff he found to be a bore
That shows the kind of guy I am, I’ve seen them twenty times
And still I like them more than a night out with LeAnn Rimes
Just a handy rhyme that was; ‘twas that and nothing more
I bet I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking, “Uh-huh, sure.”
No really man, it’s just a rhyme, about her what’s so great?
Besides that fact, I’m just fifteen, I’m rather young to date
If indeed I ever will, my parents frown upon it
They’d as soon advise me to date as wear a flaming bonnet

Part VII - Dinner


I think that right about that time we went to eat our dinner
I eat whatever I can find, that’s why I don’t grow thinner
Ben’s Poppers had not got home yet, he was still on the way
Ben wanted to slap him cause he hadn’t called home all day
Don’t you be offended, I’m sure that a kindly slap
Is the type Ben wanted to inflict upon his Pap
You won’t believe how good I was, I ate so politely
I finished each and every piece, of my broccoli
To make this rhyme I’ll make it known the main course was not spam
Which is real good cause spam I hate, the food in fact was ham
I’m sure that sometime at that meal Ben’s burps the air waves carried
I made a joke of my bud then, that he would not get married
The talking turned to odd things then, I found it very strange
It seems that for Ben’s future wife, six girls have been arranged
Ben’s Dad got home and joined the meal when it was half way finished
By that time the hammy food had quite a lot diminished
For our dessert we had cookies with M&Ms inside
I ate those things with a passion, my zeal I could not hide

Part VIII - Night


So this is where things stood by then, Emily was there
She sat on the couch with me, Elizabeth was in a chair
Ben’s Mom was in the kitchen cleaning up after the meal
The kids had to do nothing, wasn’t that a handy deal?
Ben’s Poppers wandered here and there but mostly watched Ben play
He didn’t talk a lot, he must not have had much to say
Ben was right in front of me, sitting on the floor
And Meredith was at her friends, just like I said before
Ben’s Mommers finished cleaning up and left Ben’s Pops to sweep
I still miss my Zelda saved game, from time to time I weep
I’m sure Ben’s Poppers cleaned with skill and didn’t leave a crumb
Then one of Ben’s sisters gave me a piece of her gum
I don’t recall which sis it was, of those two I was with
At least I’m smart enough to know it wasn’t Meredith
Oh! I just remembered! I know that I had strawberry
Among the four in Point of Grace there’s also one named Terry
But I forgot which of the girls had that bubble gum flavor
So I can’t give credit to who did that gum giving favor
All but Ben’s Mommers watched him play I’d say at least an hour
To bake a bunch of bags of biscuits you’d need lots of flour
As I sat on the couch with her I talked to Emily
But then she stopped responding, I thought she didn’t hear me
She was sitting in front of me, I couldn’t see her face
That’s why by then I didn’t know just what had taken place
Ben’s Poppers carried her to bed, he went on up the stairs
I hope she didn’t have nightmares about big angry bears
Eventually Elizabeth and Ben’s Mom went up too
Of those remaining wide awake there were only a few
Ben’s Poppers said to us, “Sweet dreams,” then before we lost his sight
He said to us, “You know, you don’t need to stay up all night.”
Of that fact we were well aware, Ben’s Poppers sure was right
But in playing Zelda really late we take so much delight
You needn’t hear each bit and piece of our nocturnal rumba
I’ll tell you this though, it sure didn’t involve lots of slumbah
I went and got our creme soda and poured myself a cup
Up to that point I’d not drank any, not even a drup
“Blech!” I said, it tasted bad, it was room temperature
I put it in the fridge so next cup it’d be cold for sure
My second cup was still very inadequately cold
This battle against warm soda was quickly getting old
Ben’s ice cube maker didn’t work so ice would not work well
But that gave me a clue on how the warmth I might repel
I grabbed those bottles, both of them, and shoved them in the freezer
Ho ho ho, I said to me, that will get them to say brrr
Little did I know how right my clever thought would be
Cold as ice was that soda when next I went to see
Now that was good, it tasted grand, I relished every bit
I soon ran out so I went back to get some more of it
Lo and behold! The soda changed, now it was soda slush
I’m telling you that easily it was the world’s best mush
I told my buddy what happened and though he didn’t drool
He did admit that homemade slush soda was pretty cool
Later after Ben got drink he said “Just so you knows,
That soda’s now a block of ice, it hardened up and froze.”
When I first sat down on the couch to drink with parching thirst
Ben said, “Good thing no Mom is here, or she’d have yelled and cursed.”
Now Ben’s Mommers, before you read this and me start to choke
That part with drinking on the couch was just a funny joke
I’m honest Jon, to tell the truth, that rhyming was no jest
But if we stained that lovely couch we’d clean it up our best
The night drew on, we drank cold drinks, and so we got real chilled
Ben’s Mommers, I am telling you, there was no soda spilled
We got blankets but we still felt as cold as someone dead
Ben did something brilliant then, he pulled out the couch bed
He left a bit and then came back, behind him something dragged
He tossed them up onto the bed, some sleeping bags he’d bagged
After that we were toasty, in fact, I got too hot
I had to hang my feet out and unzip the bag a lot
During this throughout Zelda Ben steadily progressed
We don’t play Zelda in the nude, we both were fully dressed
I thought it was about the time to get the ginger snaps
I opened up the bag and we both put some in our laps
Before that night I never thought that ginger snaps were fine
Now I love them and I wish that they were mine, all mine
Later on we opened up our spicy doritoes
Those chips made us spicy from our heads down to our toes
Nothing else really happened except for bathrooming
Because of soda back and forth we were often zooming
Oh, also I wrote e-mail to my good buddy Gus
Earlier I was joking, Ben’s Mom would never cuss
Now I’ll tell a secret that before I never said
We played Zelda till 5:30 before we went to bed
I didn’t tell before cause I thought I’d get yelled at loud
By this time over fours months passed so I can say it now
At 5:30 we went to sleep, it didn’t take me long
Even in spite of the fact I didn’t hear a song
What on earth did that line mean? I wrote it months ago
I can’t recall the lines meaning; I’ll ask my little toe
My toe is wise, he’s been around, but like me he is stumped
The thing to do, if I were smart, is see that line is dumped

Part IX - Morning


At 7:00 something strange happened, thought it was vague and dim
But I’m sure that I saw it, as sure as my name is Jim
At that point in the middle of consciousness and sleep
I thought I wasn’t wide awake, but was just dreaming deep
Elizabeth came down the stairs and in the room she walked
I wasn’t sure if she or I or either of us talked
I slept again well unaware that anything took place
I bet I had one really drowsy look upon my face
At 7:30 I awoke and got out of the bed
I stood up and to the computer my footsteps led
I felt so dumb, try as I might, the screen would show nothing
I started to get frustrated, I longed to smack the thing
It soon became clear I’d need to use desperate measures
Getting no results was giving me a lack of pleasure
I turned it off and on again, at last the screen showed text
After starting I’d not thought what I wanted to do next
The computer was started, it was all ready to go
But I had nothing to do on it, so I yelled out, “Doh!”
I had no thoughts of waking Ben, I didn’t think it wise
However I took ginger snaps from beneath his closed eyes
So there I was with naught to do, nobody was awake
I couldn’t even use the computer for goodness sake
Without some conscious people I was too lonely to mention
I heard Ben’s sisters upstairs and tried getting their attention
On the ceiling then I knocked in hopes that they would hear
Though I knocked and knocked it had little effect I fear
I hoarsely whispered up the stairs, I softly called their names
Soon they had me thinking that there weren’t ears on those dames
They didn’t know I’d called to them, they hadn’t heard a bit
Yet they came when I stopped calling, right after I quit
With not many a thing to do we played games on the puter
You stay away, I’ll punch you hard, if my rabbit you neuter
The games were mostly pretty dull, we played stuff like mouse trap
I didn’t even get to play, I should have took a nap
There were a few ginger snaps left, the girls wanted some eats
I did a selfless deed just then and gave them ginger treats
When they were through playing those games I got out a CD
I was installing Half-Life so as to entertain me
It took some time, it’s a big game, but I got the job done
I revved it up, ready to curse if the game didn’t run
It ran all right, to my delight, but soon I had to chunk
The games horrible framerate stank like a large hairy skunk
I played a bit, just to see it, but my heart was elsewhere
Pretty soon I un-installed it and I left the chair
When time passed Ben woke at last, he had a mind to meet me
He saw his lack of ginger snaps and came over to beat me
His anger wasn’t lessened when he heard they were no more
And yet he didn’t kick my butt, why that is I’m not sure
Again we started playing Zelda, we made much progress
No matter how much dough you pay, for you I won’t undress
As we played more people waked and soon the house was woke
One of my buddies named Andy loves my tummy to poke
While we played, Ben’s Mommers was constantly commenting
On the gorgeous weather, but we felt unlike consenting
We love the game, we kept on playing, it was a joy to us
I can’t speak for Ben but I could play hours with no fuss
Of all the things that could happen this was the worst I bet
Emily was messing round and the game got reset
We each had a heart attack, like mad men we both raved
Bitterly we rued the fact, it’d been hours since we’d saved

Part X - Poetry


We’re the type that likes to make most of a situation
We figured going outside would calm our aggravation
I planned that we’d write a poem, though I’d not told Ben
I had to use a highlighter cause I could find no pen
I told Ben of my poets plan and he was less than thrilled
If disinterest were lethal, then me he would have killed
Amidst my pleading Ben agreed to write a rhyme or two
We hoped it’d be a good poem. Oh if we only knew!
We had to find the perfect spot to sit and concentrate
After some thought we decided the tree house would be great
Seated atop the tree house roof we pondered up some themes
This rhyme would not be quite so hard if they were called blue jeams
To write an entertaining poem, as you think and sit
You have to think about what subject you’re real passionate
With that in mind we took no time, that choice was not a toughie
We chose to write of our deep hatred for Daniel’s dog Duffy
If mean that sounds then settle down, we hate him no longer
He used to chew up everything, he was a mangy cur
Ben’s sisters found us off the ground, they wanted up to see us
Ben wouldn’t let them, he said, “No.” they couldn’t come where we was
So there’s no confusion Meredith was not one of ‘em
It was Ben’s two younger sisters, we were up above ‘em
With clever rhymes and catchy words our work was soon completed
We wrote about how on the rug that Duffy had secreted
At first I thought our brand new poem wasn’t very grand
Even though at writing it myself had took a hand
At least my brother David likes it, of it he’s quite fond
The fact the poem is real good on me finally dawned
I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m all ready to hurl
It’s taking months for this big stupid poem to unfurl
I planned it lengthy, that was all, but this was unforeseen
I’ll have a beard that’s very long when this is through, I deem
Likewise it should take an age, just to get it read
I fear that stopping half way through is where you must feel led
The truth is I’m sick of this poem, I grudge writing each line
But I must finish, so I’ll stop, you don’t want me to whine
When it’s done I’ll love it tons, it’s gonna be superb
When you’re driving in a car, aspire to miss the curbs
We scurried down the wooden tree, to the house we sought entry
If we were mice we’d scurry elsewhere, we would raid that pehntry
Just one copy of our poem meant it was insecure
We printed out another one so the words would endure

Part XI - Basketball


We played Zelda yet again, our work we regained
But our loss had done it’s work, all pleasure was feigned
We went back outside and we both played some basketball
I don’t know why, but to me the hoop seemed over-tall
Ben was awed by my great skill, he gave me heaps of praise
Shmaybe cause I practiced playing it for several days
Don’t you think too high of me, my skill is mostly spent
I stank Ben’s court up horribly, the next time that I went
Ben can tell you both these truths, ‘twas him that said it first
Playing hours of basketball can give a mighty thirst
We both took turns throwing the ball, we both played very slick
Ben hit his rear end with the ball, it was his bestest trick
We both hate it when the ball is dribbled on your toes
Then it just keeps right on rolling, very far it goes
Eventually we climbed a tree out in Ben’s frontward lawn
If you make me angry I’ll call you a Narnian fawn
We climbed up high, us lucky guys, Ben showed his favorite perch
Pagan people do not care about going to church
Oh yeah, I forgot to say, Meredith came back
Her friend came too, to visit her. Don’t step on a tack
Both of them took much convincing to play basketball
Though you may think otherwise, it was springtime, not fall
Ben and I were on a team, the girls and Pops the other
Despite their efforts we just got one shot after another
We’re good sports, so though of our winning we both took note
We didn’t taunt and mock them lots, we didn’t laugh and gloat

Part XII - Ending


I’m getting eager, now it’s near, the poem’s end that is
I just drank a juicy Citra, it had lots of fizz
That was all we did that day, played games and wrote of Duffy
Simple pleasures I admit, but for us it’s enoughy
Out of ignorance Ben betrayed a confidence
Though it bugged me plenty there was not much consequence
Right in front of everyone he said it loud and clear
That we’d not showered two whole days; they shrank away in fear
We ate dinner that night, but Ben and I both forgot
What the meal was that we had, what food went in the pot
Dessert Theater is the place that we were going soon
A color similar to red is the color maroon
I’m going nuts, this poem’s long, my rhymes are running out
The grass is shriveled, there’s no rain, right now there is a drought
I wrote a whole poem about the place that we went
It’s called Dessert Theater, read it and be content
On the way home from that place the van was very still
If you listened very closely, you would have heard nill
When we got to Ben’s house, we all went in but moi.
French folk say “you” differently, the way they say it’s “toi”
Back to my house I was drove
Back to my big wooden cove
Hot tamale, I’m all done
Made of steel is both my buns

©1999 by Jonathan Charlton
 
 

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