This poem is truly a masterpiece! We really outdid ourselves with this one! I believe we started it around the end of October, and it wasn't done until four months later! I guess we did kind of work on it on and off. Well, mostly off. The events this poem is describing took place on October 10, 1998 when I was having a sleepover at his house, the day before we wrote out first poem, Bacon. The poem doesn't even begin to capture the horror I actually felt when this happened. And I betcha Andrew was in a lot more pain than this makes it sound. I probably would have freaked out as much as he did when it happened, except I felt so immensely guilty and responsible about what I'd done to him that I wanted to make sure he would be okay. So here's a rather lighthearted version of the story. Keep in mind it's very very long. What do you expect? It's a masterpiece! Oh yeah, if you couldn't tell, the name of the poem has a double meaning. I thought it was kind of obvious, but apparently not everyone got it.

The Giant Disaster
By Jonathan Charlton and Andrew Saah
February 24, 1999

We walked out of the house
As quick as a mouse
We saw an old guy
He didn't even say hi
When we got to the park
There were trees with much bark
We climbed up some trees
When we jumped down we said "Weee!"
There was a tunnel slide
Andrew wanted to ride
Andrew told me to wipe the slide
So he wouldn't wet his hide
We went on a twirly thing that made us barf
It's a good thing we weren't wearing scarves
We sat on a bench till we didn't feel sick
The bench we sat on was pretty thick
To the tire swing we waddled over to ride
I knocked us both off and we almost cried
Going to Giant was our next goal
On the trip there we fell in no holes
As we walked down the street
A grey car we did meet
It was Andrew's father
Oh what a bother
Because Andrew didn't eat
Is why us he came to meet
He drove us home to feed his kid
He drove real well, he didn't skid
When Andrew got home he refused to eat
He insisted he could still walk on his feet
His Mommers was firm, she made him eat food
Andrew thought that it was quite rude
He ate some chicken
It got his lips lickin'
We set out again with our hopes set high
If we were stopped again we'd certainly die
On the way to Giant we climbed up some rocks
They were so high they knocked off our socks
We passed by whole lot of houses
We're both pretty young, neither of us have spouses
We heard a guy yelling real loud
Of his voice he seemed very proud
A garbage truck drove by, and a garbage guy came running
He chased us with a garbage can, this guy was very cunning
I saw a bridge and going under looked like lots of fun
Andrew had a different view, he thought it looked like dung
We saw an old woman walking her dog
The dog's legs were shaped like logs
When the dog saw us he started to yell
He looked like the dog from Taco Bell
We turned a corner in the road
Andrew saw a green car that looked like a toad
We saw another bridge that was much bigger
We bounced down the slope just like Tigger
From the field next to us we heard a loud roar
It wasn't the sound of Andrew's Dad's snore
We discovered that it was a football game
We both think that sport is really lame
The graffiti under the bridge looked really pretty
To clean it off we'd just have to spitty
We left and went back up the slope
We were careful not to slip on soap
We walked down the sidewalk a while
We both had big happy smiles
When us brothers tried to cross the street
A whole lot of cars we did meet
We had to wait a long time
Hey look, we made this sentence rhyme
At last we made it across
In the woods there is lots of moss
My loving brother gave me a choice
And this is what I said with my voice
Let’s take the peaceful path
So I won't be filled with wrath
We saw a talented squirrel
He looked like the king of the world
He hung upside down from a tree
It filled him with much squirrelly glee
We saw a guy fixing his car
He looked like the owner of a bar
There was a big tall bush so we couldn't see
We were so brave we didn't flee
Around the bush Andrew saw a semi truck
He was afraid that we would get struck
We walked across the parking lot
It's a good thing we didn't get shot
We walked into the store and I found something out
What I discovered made me want to shout
A call from a payphone now cost more
It cost ten cents above what it did before
The soda machine cost the same price
We both agreed that that was real nice
I got a refreshing ginger ale
Andrew's cola didn't taste stale
We grabbed a lot of stuff and put them in our fist
And here is what we got, in a nice little list
I got cheese curls and lots of creme soda
Hey, that reminds Andrew of Yoda
Andrew got some pringles and that's all we can remember
We're writing this line in the month of December
We both proceeded to check out our food
The woman who checked us out was in a good mood
We went to the pay phone and I made a call
It was not fun for Andrew at all
Then we started on the way home
Back to where the buffalo roam
Don't get hit was the theme of our journey
If we got hit we'd certainly learny
We retraced our steps and walked back a plenty
We're both pretty young, we're both under twenty
We got to the road that took forever to cross
That road was so dirty we found dental floss
We tried to ford the stream under the road
The water was filled with a great many toads
It was more difficult to cross than we had in mind
A place to cross was hard to find
We found some rocks to aid our goal
Crossing got a little water in our soul
Andrew took off his socks and shoes
So that with water they would not be abused
We ran through the bushes
Without scraping our toushes
It was in our mind to have a little snack
Just a few little munchies before we got back
Then I saw a Taco Bell cup
I wanted to make sure it had that little pup
We started to go up the cement hill
And of the sight of the cup I took my fill
Just then I started to lose my grip
Before Andrew knew it, I'd already slipped
I slipped right above my loving brother
Hey, what did you call my mother?
I hit the bottom and then I did see
My loving brother landing right next to me
I turned towards him when I heard Andrew shout
Just then the blood started squirting out
When I slipped I pushed back his finger nail
There was enough blood to fill a pail
Andrew started freaking out
"Oh my God!" he started to shout
My first thought was to run to Andrew's place
To run really fast but not fall on our face
I saw a McDonalds cheeseburger wrapper
I gave it to Andrew so he wouldn't bleed further
Andrew didn't find the wrapper appealing
He thought it would worsen his fingers feeling
Andrew wanted to go to the grocery store
So that going home would not be a chore
Andrew wanted to call his old man
So we could ride home in his van
We walked all the way back there
It's a wonder we didn't lose all our hair
We didn't have the coins to make a ring
So we got some change from the soda machine
I took the initiative and made the call
There were no adults home at all
Anna and I started to fight
I wanted to kick her with all my might
Andrew talked with her and started to plead
But there were no parents home indeed
We hung up the phone in a fluster
We were really quite annoyed at her
When we called she treated us real rude
She had a real Annaish attitude
A water fountain we went looking for
We found one in the back of the store
Andrew started to clean his finger
So that the blood would not linger
Andrew's finger stung when it got wet
When the water ran over it
I ran over to the deli
Not to get something to fill my belly
A tissue paper's what we were needing
So Andrew's finger would stop bleeding
Andrew thought to clip his nail
'Cause his finger was getting pale
Andrew's nail was bent back strange
It made his finger look deranged
We needed to cut his fingernail in a jiffy
To cut his fingernail, clippers would be spiffy
To find out where the clippers where I asked a Giant guy
He told us were the clippers were and fed us key lime pie
We said that just to make it rhyme
We didn't get any key lime
We got the clippers and went to pay
The lady asked if Andrew was okay
We went back to the water spout
To cut Andrew's finger nail out
Andrew didn't hurt that bad
Until, off came the nail he had
Getting a Band-Aid was next on our agenda
So Andrew's finger could start to menda
We went and talked to the pharmacy guy
"I'll give you a Band-Aid" was his reply
I shouldered the groceries and we started off
The whole way home not once did we cough
We could have ate food
But we weren't in the mood
I felt really bad about hurting my loving brother
All I could do was take one step after another
We got to where the horror started
Where Andrew and his blood parted
We hurried by that cursed spot
Where Andrew lost his blood a lot
We turned the corner wearily
Thinking another road we'd see
Andrew spotted a van of grey
When he saw it, he yelled "Hey!"
To the van we ran real fast
We were going home at last
Andrew's Dad made bad jokes
About taking him to hospital folks
When we got home we had in store
Killing a great big hairy boar
We killed it well, it was real gory
Now this is the end of our story

(c)1999 by Jonathan Charlton and Andrew Saah
 

 Back