I wrote this poem with my buddy Ben while I was visiting his house. We would rather have been playing Zelda, but Ben's Mommers kept commenting on what a gorgeous day it was outside so she forced us out there. I took some paper with me and Ben and I wrote this on top of his tree house in yellow highlighter. We decided on this topic because it's something we're both very passionate about. Duffy is my brother Daniel's dog, and Ben and I are not over fond of the hairy little fellow. I'm rather reluctant to make this poem available to the public. It's a little mean spirited. But just so you know, Ben thought up most of the mean stuff, so if you have problems with it, e-mail him. Oh, I guess there's some stuff that needs explaining. We call the bathroom puppy hell, because when Duffy's bad we lock him in there for a while to punish him. And that thing about Duffy being Ben's namesake is because Ben's nickname was Duffy before we got the dog. Don't worry, Ben didn't really break all of muttie's bones.

To Puppy Hell With Duffy
By Jonathan Charlton and Ben Kitchens
April 24, 1999

We both hate that ugly mutt
We like to kick him in his butt
When on the carpet he leaves a smell
We promptly put him in puppy hell
Part of Ben’s shoes he managed to munch
Ben broke muttie’s bones with one swift punch
Though Ben’s namesake Duffy happens to be
Ben uses the toilet when he needs to pee
I stuff a lot of oddities down his throat
In the future I hope to stuff down a goat
His big brown eyes look so innocent and dumb
He stares at our turkey till his drool glands get numb
Countless time we’ve wanted to cut off his swishy tail
If he misses it too much, then there’s always nails
We hope you’ve found this fun to read
If you see Duffy, make him bleed

(c)1999 by Jonathan Charlton and Ben Kitchens
 

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