Christmas Jokes

Santa Jokes

1. What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues!

2. What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!

3. What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
Santa pause!

4. Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !

5. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!

6. While Santa is in your house, go up to the roof and leave a speeding ticket on his sleigh.

7. When Santa slides down your chimney, go and block his exit with a lot of Barbed Wire.

8. While Santa is busy, tie his sleigh with a rope to your neighbours car. Then tell him he's clear to go.

9. While Santa is in your house, exchange his flying raindeer with exact, living twins. Stand by and watch what happens when he tells them to take off.

10. If there is a thunder storm on Christmas eve, wait for Santa to go down the chimney and tie a kite made entirely from metal to his sleigh.

11. Tell Santa you want a time bomb for christmas. Then tell him to set the time to 12 minutes before he leaves from his house.

12. Instead of milk and cookies, leave Santa a vegeterian salad with a note saying that he should go on a diet.

13. Leave Santa a note that you have gone away for the holidays and if he would be so good to water your plants, feed the dog and dust your living room.

14. Put a very angry pit bull in your living room. You think that bulls get angry when they see a red cape, wait till they see this great, big, red Santa suit!

15. Block your chimney with dynamite, and when you hear something on your roof, light the fuse.

16. When you see Santa flying in his sleigh, try to bring him down with a bazooka, and then tell the authorities that you have captured the first alien.

17. Leave Santa a note saying that you were very sorry, and writing your wishes list, with a few last minute corrections.

18. Exchange Santa's map of the world with a hard - to - read map of the Solar System.

19. Leave a Santa suit in your living room, with a dry cleaning bill.

20. Move all of your furniture out of your house, and then call the police and tell them you have been robbed. When Santa comes in, the police would be waiting for
him, and would say, "They always come back to the sceen of the crime.

21. When your dad tells you that Santa will be arriving tonight, you say that you will be ready. Then pile up bags of sand about 5 meters away from the fire place,
grap a helmet and a shot gun and wait for him. To be even more secure, place a bear trap infront of the fire place.

Reindeer Jokes

1. Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them!

2. What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer!

3. There are no registered flying species of raindeer on the planet, but there are 200 species of animals still to be registerd and explored, and one of those might turn
out to be flying raindeer.

4. When Santa goes down your chimney, shout out, "LOOK! It's a raindeer, and he has a red nose!" Then Fire a gun.

5. When Santa is in your house, swap all of his raindeer with another species of raindeer, and they have to look exactly the same. Then stand by and observe what
happens when he tells them to fly away and shakes the reins.

6. Tell Rudolf that Santa is a very bad person because he never gives him any presents, so then he should come and join you in you plan to destroy Santa.

7. Leave a note to Santa telling him that you want to have raindeer meat tomorrow, and if he should be so good to walk home, instead of fly.

8. Tach Santa's raindeer other names, so when he comes and tells them to lift off, they woun't listen to him.