Sports Jokes

Football Jokes

1. What tea do footballers drink?
Penaltea.

2. Where do footballers dance?
At a foot-ball.

3. What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.

4. Why did the footballer take a rope on the pitch?
He was the skipper.

5. Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla.

6. Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches?
Because they prefer cricket matches.

7. Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
Because he was a boxer.

8. Which insect didn’t play well in goal?
The fumble bee.

9. When the goal keeper doesn't save the ball, he has a very good excuse. For example, you ask him, "Why didn't you stop the ball?" and he will answer, "What do you think the nets are for?"

10. You know, when a manager in a football game wants to make some changes to his team, he brings new people on. So why did the manager flood the pitch? I
know, and it's because he wanted to bring on the subs.

11. Assistant: I have agreat idea how to improve the team, sir.
Manager: Good, are you leaving?

12. Why did EA Sports ban Fifa 2000 from being sold to actual football players? Because they might get injured playing it.

13. What do Vampires and goalkeepers have in common? They both hate crosses.

14. How did the world's most expensive defender injure himself? He left his feet on a coffee table for too long and they got stiff, so he couldn't play for two weeks!

Tennis Jokes

1. Why does Yevgeni Kafelnikov think that prize money given to players should be more than it is? Because he never gets any prize money.

2. Why does the Williams sisters' dad love it when they play each other? Because he gets bribed to support both of them at the same time.

3. What to do when you lose a point that was fair and square:

  i. Yell at the judge.

  ii. Swear in your own language.

  iii. Hit yourself on the head with your tennis racket.

  iv. Start laughing and do not stop for 15 minutes so they will not remember what the score is and you can say it's in your advantage.