Thoughts

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Thoughts

2-24-02 9:38 pm - You may think I enjoy writing these, but I don't. I don't write them because I want to. I write them because I have to.

Today I will write some insanity. Why? Because I hate my family.

Not you may think that my hatred towards my family would be a bad thing, but in essence, it's really not. It's a good thing. It fuels my writing. Today I really hate my dad. Well, recently, I really hate my dad.

Why? I'll tell you. First, he gets me a domain name, andrewpaulo.com, which was pretty cool. Then he tells me I can't express myself fully on that webpage because if the school reads it, I could get kicked out and possibly taken in by the police.

There are two big problems with this. Firstly, the school and police can't do a god damn thing to me because I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!! I've thought, and I've written. I haven't planned, I haven't even thought in depth. I've just thought. There are no laws against thinking. There are no school rules against thinking. The only rules there are against thinking are in the book 1984, which seems to be a pretty good prediction of today's society. Either way, my dad is worrying about something that can't happen. They can't arrest me if I haven't done anything, and if I have no intention of doing anything.

Secondly, my dad is censoring my writing. The man who has told me all my life to be myself, to not follow the herd, to express myself however I want, is censoring my writing. A bit strange, I think. Now I'm confused. He wants me to express myself and not conform, as long as I'm not expressing too much, and not veering too far away from the norm. I hate him. More than I can say. I hate him with a vengence.

If I can't write what I think on that domain, then I won't use it. I don't care if he meant well by buying it. It's like buying someone a fancy notebook and saying you can write your feelings in here, as long as they're not your TRUE feelings. Why give someone paper and tell them not to write? I can't even begin to express my hatred. My inner rage.

Yes, dad, I know you're reading this. And yes, I do hate you.

With that said, we'll move on to other family members.

My sister.

My sister is a selfish brat who cares about nothing else but her own personal gain. She gets everything she wants, and when she doesn't, she gets something else that she wanted instead. Also, she doesn't give a rat's ass about anything I have to say. Example: We were at the movies today. My sister was talking pretty loudly. I asked her to stop. She said, "I know!" and continued talking. I said, "Katie, you're not allowed to talk in the movie theater." "I know!" She replied, and she kept on talking. I wanted to smack her and duct tape her mouth shut. I was trying to watch the pathetic movie, and she wouldn't SHUT THE HELL UP!!! My dad did nothing about it.

Moving on to my mother.

I can't tell if she wants to be my best friend or wants to rip my esophogus out of my neck. She yells at me and doesn't give a damn about my opinion or how I feel, and then randomly buys me things. Now most people would find this ok. Random buying is good. But it's not. She gives me a reason to hate her, hate her with a vengence, and then gives me something so I feel guilty when I hate her. So, ironically, this creates a deep hatred towards her.

And finally, my cat.

I don't hate my cat. Bandit is the only member of the family I can stand. He asks me for almost nothing, plays with me only when I want to play, and leaves me the hell alone when I want to be alone.

If those aren't reasons to hate the human parts of my immeadiate family, I don't know what are. F*** off, all of you. I don't love you anymore.

I know, it hurts. It's not fair, I know. But dad, as you've always told me, 'Life isn't fair'.

Dad, you might find reading all this hatred strange, since I almost seemed like I liked you evil human beings for a while there, but I don't. Not by a long shot.

This entry will probably be taken down. The newest member of the thought police will be on my case soon enough.


	Andy \| home Thoughts 2-24-02 9:38 pm - You may think I enjoy writing these, but I don't. I don't write them because I want to. I write them because I have to. Today I will write some insanity. Why? Because I hate my family. Not you may think that my hatred towards my family would be a bad thing, but in essence, it's really not. It's a good thing. It fuels my writing. Today I really hate my dad. Well, recently, I really hate my dad. Why? I'll tell you. First, he gets me a domain name, andrewpaulo.com, which was pretty cool. Then he tells me I can't express myself fully on that webpage because if the school reads it, I could get kicked out and possibly taken in by the police. There are two big problems with this. Firstly, the school and police can't do a god damn thing to me because I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!! I've thought, and I've written. I haven't planned, I haven't even thought in depth. I've just thought. There are no laws against thinking. There are no school rules against thinking. The only rules there are against thinking are in the book 1984, which seems to be a pretty good prediction of today's society. Either way, my dad is worrying about something that can't happen. They can't arrest me if I haven't done anything, and if I have no intention of doing anything. Secondly, my dad is censoring my writing. The man who has told me all my life to be myself, to not follow the herd, to express myself however I want, is censoring my writing. A bit strange, I think. Now I'm confused. He wants me to express myself and not conform, as long as I'm not expressing too much, and not veering too far away from the norm. I hate him. More than I can say. I hate him with a vengence. If I can't write what I think on that domain, then I won't use it. I don't care if he meant well by buying it. It's like buying someone a fancy notebook and saying you can write your feelings in here, as long as they're not your TRUE feelings. Why give someone paper and tell them not to write? I can't even begin to express my hatred. My inner rage. Yes, dad, I know you're reading this. And yes, I do hate you. With that said, we'll move on to other family members. My sister. My sister is a selfish brat who cares about nothing else but her own personal gain. She gets everything she wants, and when she doesn't, she gets something else that she wanted instead. Also, she doesn't give a rat's ass about anything I have to say. Example: We were at the movies today. My sister was talking pretty loudly. I asked her to stop. She said, "I know!" and continued talking. I said, "Katie, you're not allowed to talk in the movie theater." "I know!" She replied, and she kept on talking. I wanted to smack her and duct tape her mouth shut. I was trying to watch the pathetic movie, and she wouldn't SHUT THE HELL UP!!! My dad did nothing about it. Moving on to my mother. I can't tell if she wants to be my best friend or wants to rip my esophogus out of my neck. She yells at me and doesn't give a damn about my opinion or how I feel, and then randomly buys me things. Now most people would find this ok. Random buying is good. But it's not. She gives me a reason to hate her, hate her with a vengence, and then gives me something so I feel guilty when I hate her. So, ironically, this creates a deep hatred towards her. And finally, my cat. I don't hate my cat. Bandit is the only member of the family I can stand. He asks me for almost nothing, plays with me only when I want to play, and leaves me the hell alone when I want to be alone. If those aren't reasons to hate the human parts of my immeadiate family, I don't know what are. F*** off, all of you. I don't love you anymore. I know, it hurts. It's not fair, I know. But dad, as you've always told me, 'Life isn't fair'. Dad, you might find reading all this hatred strange, since I almost seemed like I liked you evil human beings for a while there, but I don't. Not by a long shot. This entry will probably be taken down. The newest member of the thought police will be on my case soon enough.