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Poem 1

The day I left you we were fine.
An occasional tear jeweled our lashes
But composed, we determined not to cry
At the necessary separation.
You drove away with my parents,
they fussing incessantly
Over smallest details, reassuring themselves that
I was a big girl now.

I could say that now I am dying, shriveling up
A leaf in a storm that refuses to blow your way.
It would be untrue.
I am fine, on time to classes, outgoing.
I enjoy my new life, books and future in hand.
I keep busy.
None of my new friends would guess
The hurt I hide.

Being without you like this is a strange thing.
My heart
the part of me that belongs to you
Is with you.
If I keep busy, talking, studying, laughing,
Temporarily I drive away this ache
That only comes with thought -
Thinking is an enemy to me.

When the day is through, and I have
Nothing else to occupy my mind,
You haunt me.
The tears you held back as I struggled to leave calmly
Flow from my eyes.
A part of me, the smallest part is wistful
For missed opportunities with others -
After all, what is college for?
But that resentful piece, the inheritance of
Another generation,
Only comes at fleeting moments and,
Mercifully,
Is soon overpowered.

I could tell you "I miss you"
And use those pat, safe words
To sail my emotion in.
But the feeling so deep
It hides until I am alone
Needs no words,
This ache that was only appeased
When I saw you last night in a dream.
I thought it was you, and when
The alarm clock's cold tones
Shattered my heaven
I cried for you, for the lack of you.

These are the only times I cry.
Odd moments of aloneness
phone calls
letters of hope and
tremulous affection
Only when I cannot hold out longer
Do I give in
And believe myself strong.
My heart knows it is weak.
Yearning for that which it cannot have,
Straining towards faint beams of light
Hope of the tomorrows we should share.

Lindley Williamson
9/16/98

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