Album: "The Slim Shady L.P."
(scratches)
CHORUS: Hi! My name is (what?)...my name is (who?)... my name is... Slim Shady Hi! My name is (huh?)...my name is (what?)... my name is... Slim Shady (2x)
Ahem...excuse me! Can I have the attention of the class for one second...
Hi kids! Do you like violence? (yeah yeah yeah!) Wanna see me stick nine inch nails through each one of my eyelids? (uh huh!) Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (yeah yeah!) Try 'cid and get fucked up worse than my life is? (huh?) My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin' to get my head straight But I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate (Ummmm..) Dr. Dre said: "Slim Shady you a basehead..." Uh-uhhh! "Then why's ya face red, man you wasted..."
Well since age 12 I've felt like I'm someone else Cuz I hung my original self from the top bunk with a belt Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off And smacked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards like Kris Kross I smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my ass Faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast C'mere slut! (Shady, wait a minute, that's my girl dog!) I don't give a fuck, God sent me to piss the world off
CHORUS
My English teacher wanted to flunk me in junior high Thanks a lot, next semester I'll be 35 I smacked him in his face with an eraser Chased him with a stapler And stapled his nuts to a stack of paper (Owwwwwwww!) Walked in a strip club, had my jacket zipped up Flashed the bartender and stuck my dick in the tip cup (Wsssshhhhh...) Extraterrestrial, running over pedestrians In a space ship while they're screamin' at me: "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!" 99% of my life I was lied to I just found out my mom does more dope than I do I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper Make a record about doin' drugs and name it after her (Oh thank you!) You know you blew up when the women rush the stands To try to touch your hands like some screamin' Usher fans (Aaahhhhhh!) This guy's wife passed so asked for my autograph So I signed it: 'Dear Dave, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE!
CHORUS
Stop the tape! This kid needs to be locked away! (Get him!) Dr. Dre don't just stand there, OPERATE! I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die I'll have to be carried inside the cemetery and buried alive Am I comin' or goin'? I can barely decide, I just drank a fifth of vodka...dare me to drive? (Go 'head.) All my life I was very deprived I ain't had a woman in years, my palms are too hairy to hide Clothes ripped like the Incredible Hulk I spit when I talk, I'll fuck anything that walks (C'mere.) When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits HOW YOU GONNA BREAST FEED ME MOM? YOU AIN'T GOT NO TITS! I lay awake and strap myself in the bed Put a bulleproof vest on and shoot myself in the head (BANG!) I'm steamin' mad (Arrrggghhh!) And by the way when you see my dad? (Yeah.) Tell him that I slit his throat in this dream I had
CHORUS to fade out