Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps.
How does a blonde commit suicide?
She puts all of her clothes into a large pile and jumps off.
What can save a dying blonde?
Hair transplants.
What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
"Space, the final frontier..."
How does the blonke car pool work?
They all meet at work at 7:45.
Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
To cover up the valve stem.
What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A foursome.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
RUN LIKE HECK...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like sleeping.
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.
How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to hand her the blow dryer.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Why did the blonke bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound and she weighed 125 lbs.
What does a blonde owl say?
What? What?
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
Siamese twins.
A baby was born and was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, I am," the doctor replied.
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such gook care of me during birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, I am," she said. "Thank you for taking such good are of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him close, then poked him real hard on the forehead with his index finger five times saying, "Hurts doesn't it?"
Little Mary was not the best student in Religion Class. Usually she slept through the whole period.
One day sister called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, a smart-ass boy seated in the bhair behind her, took a pen and jabbed her in the butt.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary and Sister said, "Very good."
Mary went back to sleep. A while later Sister asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and Sister said, "Very good."
Mary fell back asleep. Then Sister asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny javved her with the pen. This tim Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half?"
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Two good ol' boys from the south were driving a truck through the back roads of West Virginia when they came to and overpass with a sign which read, "CLEARANCE: 11' 3". They got out and measured their rig, which was 12 feet 4 imches tall. "What do you think?" said one as they climbed back into the cab of the truck. The driver looked to his left then to his right, checked the rear view mirrors, then shifted into first gear. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance," he said. |
A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church. She ran franitcally throughout her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the door to her car.
When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell me," she panted in her southern drawl, "is mass out?"
"Nope," the man replied, "but yer hat's on crooked."
A man walks into a bor. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone.
He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, anyplace, it doesn't matter to me."
The guy raises his eyebrows and says, "No kidding? What law firm do you work for?"
