A farmer was driving along the road with a losd of fertilizer.
A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the little bou advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
At his wedding reception, the young groom's granddad congradulated his grandson and said, "The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and to try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma's and mine has."
Thanking him for his advice, the grandson asked, "What is sex like then when you get older, granddad?"
His granddad looked at his grandson, smiled and replied, "Kinda like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"
Four men - an East Indian, a Jamaican, a Native American and a white man - gathered at the top of a 30-story building.
The East Indian said, "This is for my people," and jumped off.
The Jamaican said, "This is for my people," and jumped off.
The Native American said, "This is for my people," and pushed the white man off. (His mama didn't raise no fool!)
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Johnny raises his hand, and with at confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, and electrician, and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.
The carpenter decided that he would saw the slats off their bed. The electrician figured that wiring the bed with alternating current would give them a few chuckles. The dentist would not tell the others what he had done, and wore a sly grin, simply suggesting that his gag would be a memorable one.
The wedding and reception went as planned. Afew days later, each of the groom's three friends receive a letter which read as follows.
Dear friends:
We didn't mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But, I swear to God Almighty, I'm going to kill the idiot who put Novocain in the K-Y Jelly.
A somewhat daffy young lady went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked. She was certain that her vision had deteriorated to the point that she would now need eyeglasses.
The doctor direted her to read an eye chart with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The woman was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so; he noticed the woman had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said thd doctor, "ther's no need to get emotional about needing eyeglasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband.
"Don't you love him any more?" asked the lawyer.
"Oh, I still love him," the woman replied. "But, all he ever wants is sex, I can't take it."
"Instead of divorcing him why don't you try charging him everytime he wants to make love?" the lawyer suggested.
The exhausted wife decided to hive th plan a try. As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband started in on her.
"Not so fast," she replied. "From now on it'll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom."
"Well, then," he said. "Here's $50."
The wife began walking to the bedroom.
"Hold on," he said, grabbing her hand. "That'll be five times in the kitchen!"
