A married couple is driving down the interstate doing fifty-five miles per hour. The husband is behind the wheel.
His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for fifteen years, but I want a divorce.
The husband says nothing but slowly increases the speed to sizty miles per hour. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."
Again, her husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.
She says, "I want the house." Again, the husband speeds up, and now is doing a good seventy miles per hour.
She says, "I want the kids, too."
The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster: now he's up to eighty miles per hour.
She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too."
The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"
The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."
She asks, "What's that?"
The husband replies just before they hit the wall at ninety miles per hour, "The airbag, bitch!"
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion> The visiting hunter asked. "When did you bag him?"
The host said, "That was three years ago, when I want hunting with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My wife."
Liz asked Steve to go to the video store and pick up 'Scent of a Woman' the other day.
Imagine her surprise when he came back with a 'Fish called Wanda'.
Waxing eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the dynamic young preacher raised himself to full height, leaned wver the pulpit and boomed, "Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have committed adultery, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mouf!"
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On the first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets and erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies, "No, what do you mean."
She says, "You must be new here, let me explain. It's a rule that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the gacilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him.
The Huge Man says, "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob says, "No, what do you mean?"
"You must be new here," says the man, "it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and sodomizes him. Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptioist. "May I help you?"
Bob says, "Here is your card and key back."
"But Sir, you'be only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of out facilities..." "Listen lady, I am 67 years old, I git a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day."
