"I am a wizard," said one haughtily.

"And I am a warlock," said the other, just as haughtily. They were speaking to a shrunken old wise man, whose skin had shriveled and whose back was bent by the strain of having lived almost a thousand years, give or take.

"In fact," said the one, "I am the most powerful wizard in the land."

"As I am the most powerful warlock," the other added. Then he said, matter-of-factly, "What we wish to know is this: Which of us is the most powerful all-round magician in the land?"

"Barring necromancers," the most powerful wizard stipulated with a shiver. The warlock shivered too, for effect.

"We could fight it out," the wizard continued, "but the ensuing magical combat would be of such magnitude that it would devastate the countryside like a horde of dragons, and cause the small towns and great cities alike to burn to the ground, and would undoubtedly ruin our standings as good citizens of the Twelve Kingdoms."

"Right," agreed the warlock. "We figured you could help us out, since you are, after all, a wise man."

The wise man leaned forward on his gnarled staff. It bent under his slight weight -- the staff was already two thousand years old -- and suddenly broke with a loud snap! The wise man fell to the ground, but the warlock quickly muttered a spell and levitated the Old One to his feet.

"You did not have to do that," the wise Old One said.

"Nonsense," the warlock said, stroking his trim, black beard, looking pleased with himself. "It was but a simple spell, Old wise One. No trouble at all."

"Hmph." The wizard pretended to check his nails and blew on them.

"So, wise Old One," the warlock began, "Which is more powerful, a most powerful wizard, or a most powerful warlock?" He awaited an answer from the wise man, who seemed to strike a rather dumb look for one supposedly so wise. It took the warlock a moment to see that the wise Old One was still levitating, and was in fact more than a foot off the ground now.

"A simple spell," the wizard practically spat. He spoke a brief incantation and the wise man settled gently back to the ground.

"Well?" The warlock now seemed impatient for an answer.

"Why?" the wise Old One asked them both. "Is one of you afraid the other is stronger? Perhaps you are both afraid."

The wizard puffed out his cheeks and pointed his long-nailed thumb at himself, and said, "I am certainly not afraid of any old warlock! No matter how 'powerful' he thinks he is!"

"Ditto about wizards!" the warlock bellowed.

The wise Old One pondered this for but an instant before coming with the beginnings to a solution for this dilemma. He was, after all, a wise man.

"We must go to my hovel," he instructed the two practitioners of the arcane arts.

"Your what?" they asked in unison.

"My pad," said the wise man. "My flat, my digs, my house."

"Oh."

"Ah."

They began to walk towards the wise Old One's house. They walked deep in thought, as wizards and warlocks alike are wont to do, and didn't notice the old man wasn't walking with them.

"Hello!" came a shout.

Both esteemed thaumaturgists turned and saw the wise Old One still standing where he was before.

"Make haste, Old One," the wizard implored, "I implore you! I have urgent matters to take care of once I am proven the most powerful magician in the land!"

"I'm sure," the wise one said, "but I can't move!" He then attempted to walk, but only commenced to wobbling to and fro. His feet remained firmly planted to the ground while his body bobbed crazily.

"Stars and moons!" the warlock exclaimed, and he laughed at the wizard. "You've fastened him to the very earth!"

"Then I shall unfasten him," the wizard declared, and prepared to cast the appropriate spell.

The warlock grabbed the wizard's arms.

"You broke my spell!" the wizard whined.

"Let me free this poor old wise one," the warlock said, then muttered in a strange, ancient language and cast a spell of undoing on the wise Old One.

"There," the warlock announced, "it is undone."

"Bah," the wizard spat. "An apprentice could cast that."

Once again they turned to go to the wise Old One's hovel.

"You must have used a spell of attraction to bring the wise Old One to the ground," the warlock observed. "Of course, you didn't realize it would affix him permanently to that very spot until someone else, a more experienced magician for example, came by and freed him."

Suddenly there was a terrifying scream that caused both potentates of the mystical sciences to practically jump out of their skin. They turned again, this time to find the wise Old One gone.

"Dragon's breath!" the wizard exclaimed. "You undid the poor old wise one completely!"

"But..." the warlock was at a loss.

"Hey!" a shout came from directly overhead. "Up here!"

The wizard and the warlock looked up, and there was the wise Old One floating away, slowly going higher and higher. He was already above the tops of the tallest trees.

"Ha ha ha!" the wizard cackled. "You negated my spell of attraction, but you forget that floater spell you cast on him before that."

"I'll solve that," the warlock said. He raised his arms in preparation for another spell.

"No!" the wizard cried, breaking the warlock's concentration. "I'll do it. It should be done right this time. I'll show you a spell of undoing." He chanted the incantation and waved his arms a bit, mostly for effect, and nothing happened. The warlock was about to say something quite witty to the effect of wizards doing card tricks and guessing weight, when he was cut off by another terrifying scream. The poor old wise one plummeted to the earth like a stone, and landed between the wizard and the warlock with an odd 'bumf.'

"What an odd sound he made when he landed," the warlock noted after a moment.

"Indeed," said the wizard.

"Well... I assume he's dead," said the warlock.

"No doubt."

"I guess the death of a mere mortal, wise though he may be..."

"Was."

"Right. The death of a mere mortal, wise though he was, really isn't that important to the most powerful warlock in the land."

"Ditto the most powerful wizard."

"We could call a necromancer," the warlock suggested, but they both shivered at the thought.

"No," the wizard said, "it looks like there's nothing more we can do here."

"You are right, wizard," the warlock said, "so I'm out of here." He threw up his arms suddenly and said a single-word spell, and disappeared with a 'pop.'