How to spell ASSASSINATION ?

What really the Women  is? Top

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction Woman is a bundle of contradiction She's afraid of a wasp, Will scream at a mouse, But will tackle her husband alone in the house. She'll take him for better, She'll take him for worse She'll break open his head and then be his nurse. But when he's well and can get out of bed. She'll pick up the teapot and throw it on his head. Beautiful, keen sighted and blind, Crafty and cruel, simple and kind. She'll call him a king and then make him a clown. Raise him on a pedestal, and then flat him down. She inspires him to deeds that ennoble man, Or make him her lackey to carry her fan. She'll run away from him and never come back But if he runs away she'll be there on his tracks You fancy she is that, when she's not that She plays like a kitten and bites like a cat In the morning will she sing, but in the evening she'll not She always does the contrary to what she ought Sour as a vinegar, sweet as a rose Kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk She is stronger than brandy, milder than milk At times revengeful, merry and sad, Hates you like poison, but loves you like mad.

BECAUSE I'M A MAN

1. Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
   
   
2. Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
   
   
3. Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
   
   
4. Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
   
   
5. Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
   
   
6. Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, racing, or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.
   
   
7. Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom too!!
   
   
8. Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
   
   
9. Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
   
   
10. Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.

    Ten most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid
answers:-

1. At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friends
   Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
   Answer:-Well,it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in
   the cool comfort of the theater.
   
   
2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
   Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
   Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....
   why don't you try again or should I try this time."
   
   
3. At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask
   Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
   Answer:-Why?Would it rather have been you.
   
   
4. At a restaurant:When you ask the waiter
   Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good
   Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement.We occasionally also spit in it.
   
   
5. At a family get together.When some distant aunt meets you after years
   Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
   Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
   
   
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
   Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
   Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.
   
   
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
   Stupid Question:-Sorry. Were you sleeping.
   Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik
   was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?
   
   
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
   Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
   Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
   
   
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth
   Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
   Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.
   
   
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
    Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke
    Answer:-No, it's a miracle ...........it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!