These are sound that I have collected from various sources around the
net. Most are quotes, but for a more extensive collection of funny quotes,
CLICK HERE.
Season 1
"That one is a woman." -- Unknown
"Observant bunch." -- O'Neill
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"Daniel, find me an anthropologist that dresses like this and I will eat this headdress." -- Carter
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"I'm a lousy cook and I couldn't spin, weave or dye if my life depended on it. You made yourself a bad deal." -- Carter
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"I've never been so happy to see you guys." -- Carter
"Oh sure you have. Remember that time on P3X-595? You drank that stuff, that made you take off�.." -- O'Neill
"Ahem. We won't get into that right now." -- Carter
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"Why is it you always think of the worst case scenario?" -- Jackson
"I practice." -- O'Neill
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"Damn, guess I'm going to have to cancel that Oprah interview." -- O'Neill
"What is an Oprah?" -- Teal'c
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"Lucy, I'm hooome!" -- O'Neill
"I am not Lucy." -- Teal'c
"I know that. It's a reference to an old TV..., Never mind. Open the door." -- O'Neill
"I will summon the doctor." -- Teal'c
"No, come on. I'm fine. I'm back to being myself. Just open up." -- O'Neill
"I cannot be certain you are back to being yourself. You referred to me as 'Lucy.'" -- Teal'c
"Oh, for crying out loud, will you just open the door??" -- O'Neill
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"No Sir." -- Baker
"No Sir? Does it say 'Colonel' anywhere on my uniform?" -- O'Neill
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"There's hundreds, probably thousands of them. He's their god. They'll die for him, they'll kill for him, in a heartbeat." -- Baker
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"This tastes like chicken." -- Jackson
"So what's wrong with it?" -- Carter
"This is macaroni and cheese." -- Jackson
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"Kill me." -- Baker
"You sure? I've come all this way." -- O'Neill
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"You know, we'd love to stick around, but some brain-dead sycophant left
my buddy out here to die." -- O'Neill
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"Come on, get me out of here. Tell you what, let me put it nicely. Get me the hell outta here!!" -- O'Neill
"If that isn't O'Neill, I want to know who the hell we're looking at." -- Hammond
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"You should not have attempted to rescue me from the beam. If you had not done so, you would not be here now." -- Teal'c
"Ahh, you'd have done the same for me. Course you won't find me walking around with one of those Go'auld larvae in my gut, but hey." -- O'Neill
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"Because of my training in the temple, the go'auld who took possession of my body could not take complete control over my mind. A part of me, myself, remained." -- Kendra
"Something of the host survives." -- Jackson
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"Kill the human." -- Unas
"Excuse me?" -- O'Neill
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"Daniel, it's important that we respect our elders." -- O'Neill
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"Well, it's just that I've never actually heard you referred to as a diplomat. I think antagonist was the word used." -- Jackson
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"It is one of their favourite places to harvest hosts for Go'auld absorption" -- Teal'c
"You know, I wish you wouldn't say 'harvest.' We're talking about human beings, not Brussels sprouts." -- Jackson
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"You are anything but primitive, Samantha. What your mind doesn't know, your heart fills in." -- Narim
"I don't know what that means exactly, but it's beautiful." -- Carter
"Which is exactly what it means." -- Narim
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"God, I love those people." -- O'Neill
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"What?" -- O'Neill
"Oh...just thinking about what the little guy with funny hair once told us." -- Jackson
"'The very young do not always do as they're told.'" -- O'Neill
"Yeah." -- Jackson
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"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your colonel speaking. Welcome to P3X-niner-eight-niner where it's a balmy... room temperature." -- O'Neill
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"Well, the lights are on, but there's noooobody home." -- O'Neill
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"Good morning, campers!" -- O'Neill
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"I take it they're not engaged in your reality?" -- Katherine
"No." -- Jackson
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"Uh oh... ." -- Jackson
"What?" -- Carter
"I think I'm dead." -- Jackson
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"What'd you call it?" -- O'Neill
"Zat'nic'tel." -- Teal'c
"Right. Let's just call it a zat gun, huh?" -- O'Neill
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"I always get a happy tingly feeling when I see those guys." -- O'Neill
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"Somewhat like your television, only much further advanced." -- Teal'c
"Think it gets Showtime?" -- O'Neill
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"Okay. One shot hurts them, two shots kills them. The third shot--" -- O'Neill
"Disintegrates them." -- Teal'c
"Oh. Great. You didn't think this was worthy of mentioning." -- O'Neill
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"Sir, the only way to do that would be to turn this thing around and go back to where we started." -- Carter
"Right, I'll just go tell the pilot." -- Jackson
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[Season 2]