Application for God/desshood

FULL NAME:  LAST_________________________ FIRST __________________________MIDDLE_____________________

SS#  ___-__-____

ADDRESS:  _________________________________
CITY OR PLANE:  ___________________________
STATE OR SPIRITUAL REALM:  _____________
COUNTRY:  ________________________________

(LEAVE THE FOLLOWING BLANK IF YOU ARE NON CORPOREAL)
PHONE:  DAYTIME (___) ___-____  EVENING (___) ___-____

DATE YOU CAN BEGIN:  ____________________
CAN YOU WORK ROTATING SHIFTS?  YES / NO
DESIRED SALARY RANGE:(SACRIFICES COUNT AS TIPS)  ____________________
WILLING TO WORK OVERTIME AS NEEDED:  YES / NO
DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN TOOLS FOR THE JOB (APOSTLES; FOLLOWERS, CHURCHES, ETC.)  YES / NO
DO YOU HAVE RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION?  YES / NO

WHAT POSITION ARE YOU APPLYING FOR? (GOD/DESS OF TRAFFIC JAMS; COMPUTERS, AIRPLANES, ETC.)
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________

ARE YOU WILLING TO RELOCATE?  YES / NO

LIST WHAT PLANES; REALMS, REALITIES, ETC. THAT YOU WILLING TO WORK IN OR FROM:
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________

ARE RELATED BY BLOOD TO ANY CURRENT GOD/DESS; DEMI - GOD/DESS, ARCHANGEL OR SUPERNATURAL BEING?  YES / NO

IF YES, PLEASE EXPLAIN:
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________

NOTE:  A NEGATIVE ANSWER TO THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS WILL NOT AUTOMATICALLY BAR YOU FROM DEIFICATION. GODS, INC. UNDERSTANDS THAT PEOPLE; ANGELS, SPIRITS AND ASSORTED ETHEREAL BEINGS CAN MAKE MISTAKES. WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING IN AN HONEST AND TRUTHFUL FASHION.

ARE YOU NOW BREAKING, OR HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN ANY RULES, COMMANDMENTS OR BELIEFS OF YOUR RELIGION?
YES / NO

IF YES, PLEASE EXPLAIN:
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________

HAVE YOU BEEN FORGIVEN FOR BREAKING THESE RULES, COMMANDMENTS OR BELIEFS?  YES / NO

IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN:
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________

JOB SKILLS (CHECK ALL THAT APPLY, USE BLANK SHEET OF PAPER IF NECESSARY):

• ___ TYPING
• ___ 10 KEY (BY TOUCH)
• ___ WORD PROCESSING
• ___ WINDOWS (3.X/95/98/2000,ETC)
• ___ WALKING ON WATER
• ___ WALKING ON AIR
• ___ WALKING THROUGH FIRE
• ___ WORDPERFECT
• ___ RESURRECTING DEAD
• ___ CAUSING FLOODS
• ___ LOTUS 123
• ___ FEEDING THE MASSES
• ___ PARTING THE SEA
• ___ PARTING RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC
• ___ XEROX / COPY EQUIPMENT
• ___ OPERATING COMPUTERS
• ___ THROWING LIGHTNING
• ___ CURING DISEASE (HEALING)
• ___ SHORTHAND
• ___ RESTORING SIGHT
• ___ CAUSING EARTHQUAKES
• ___ SUMMONING PLAGUES
• ___ EXORCISING DEMONS
• ___ DEBUGGING MICROSOFT STUFF
• ___ ________________________
• ___ ________________________
• ___ ________________________
• ___ ________________________
• ___ ________________________
• ___ ________________________

WORK EXPERIENCE:

HAVE YOU SERVED AS A SUPREME BEING OR LESSER DEITY FOR ANY RELIGION?  YES / NO

IF YES, PLEASE EXPLAIN:
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________

WERE YOU TERMINATED FROM THIS POSITION (FIRED; HOLY WAR, LOSS OF FAITH OR FORCED RESIGNATION)?  YES / NO

IF YES, PLEASE EXPLAIN:
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________

PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING CAREFULLY BEFORE SIGNING.

I hereby certify that the answers on this application are true and complete to the best of my knowledge, and I authorize GODS, INC. to verify any or all statements contained herein through any means they require, including credit checks; police records, palm reading, crystal ball, Oracles, tarot or any other forms of divination.

I further understand that employment as a God/dess will be contingent upon the results of a physical and spiritual examination which will include drug screening (this does not apply if your religion requires the use of hallucinagens during ritual) and holy judgement.

SIGNATURE OF APPLICANT:_______________________________________________ DATE:__________________________

GODS, INC. is an equal opportunity employer and shall not discriminate because of age; gender, marital status, national origin, religion, race, disability or corporealness.

Print this application, fill it out and send it to the God/dess's realm of your choice. If you prefer, you can now email your application. Simply paste the application into an e-mail message and send to the god/dess's realm of your choice. Some example e-mail addresses are:

• Odin@Valhalla
• Zeus@MountOlympus

NOTE: all computer related applications should probably be sent to Bill Gates.

Now the next time someone asks if you think you're a God, you can say, "No but I have an application in for the job!!!"

Thanks to Joker54 from Delphi for coming up with the original application. In his own words, "All right reversed ~ feel free to modify and repost." (Which I did!)