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CELEBRITY
DEATHMATCH: UNSPECIAL EDITION A Darth_Reeve-13 Production ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sith is sitting on the bench with a Nike bag on her left. Darth_Reeve-13: Welcome to CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH: UNSPECIAL
EDITION . I am surprised someone would be reading this as, I don't see why
people would read this as there are many WAY better fanfics on the net it you
sift through all the Hentai and porn. I do not own Star Wars, nor do I own
Celebrity Deathmatch. They belong to their respective owners and their
creators. --------------------------------------------------------- Johnny: Hello. Welcome to Celebrity Deathmatch: Unspecial
Edition. I'm Johnny Gomez. Scene: Locker Room Nick: All right guys, time for our first match! In the ring we
have the first Sith Master, Darth Bane! Nick: In one corner we have ex- Emperor's Hand Mara Jade! Tracy: That's right Johnny. So George, who do you think will win?
Nick: In the ring we have those @#$%^&* heart thorbs ready to
fight! (If they could). Darth Vader: Woooooshhh All right you little wimps. You wooooshh
know the rules. Just get out there and beat the @#$%^&* crap out of
each other. Leo stares at James. James stares at Leo then he stares at
Joshua. Joshua stares at James then he stares at Heath. Heath stares at
Joshua then his gaze turns to Jesse. Jesse looks at Heath then he looks
Jonathan Jackson. Jonathan Jackson stares at, well you should get the
picture. Amidala: GO BOYS! IF ONE OF YOU WINS, I'LL BE TAKING YOU TO BED
TONIGHT!!! Audience and everyone: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leo: YEAH BABY! (He, umm......gyrates his hips like Mr Bean
dancing or like he was humpin' someone. You chose your own adventure
pilgrim.) Obi-Wan: Masta, are you sure she's sane? Qui-Gon: I'm not sure but maybe it's the headgear which is doing
this. Jesse: I am sure to win. Darth_Reeve-13 will let me win because
I'm her Neighbour! (You should know what I'm talking about if you live in the
U.K or Australia. Maybe U.S but I don't know.) Heath: No way! She'll let me win because she hates Neighbours! Jesse: She hates teen flicks and stars! Brad: DIE! ( Force Chokes everyone but before Nathan dies, he
impales Brad with his lightsaber, thus all the Anakin-wannabees are dead.) George: @#$%! Amidala: @#$%^! Qui-Gon: @#$%! Johnny: @#$%! Nick: @#$%! Jar-Jar: Thisa bombad! Mesa loosey moanee! (Runs around in
an idiotic style waving his hands in the air.) Darth_Reeve-13: Hahahahahaha! (Holds out her ticket to the guys
and gals listed above) Let the money roll in baby! (Cackles) (George Lucas, Padme, Qui-Gon Jinn, Johnny Gomez, Nick Diamond
and Jar Jar Binks hands $300 each to Darth_Reeve-13.) Darth_Reeve-13: Yeah baby! (Flicks the money){Is there going to
be anymore Austin Powers quotes in this story?} Amidala: Since I won't have Anakin ADULT with me tonight.....
Vader? Vader turns to Amidala. Amidala: You wanna a good time? Vader: ??????????????????????????????????????? Sache: (Whispers to Sabe) What has happened to her Highness?
She's acting like a whore! Vader: Wooooshhhh........I don't have a tongue and u-no-what.
They were burnt off woooosssh by Obi-Wan. Amidala: Grrrr........... (She takes Vader's lighsaber and
impales young Obi.) Young Obi-Wan: Ahhh!!! (Becomes one with the Force.) Obi-Wan: AHHHHH!!! (Disappears.) Leia: Why did the old Obi-Wan disappeared? Yoda: You can't live without your past self. Nick: (Shaking Darth_Reeve-13) BRING MY OBI-WAN BACK! WHO WILL
LUKE FIGHT WITH IN THE TAG TEAM!!!!! Darth_Reeve-13: Saaawreee! I can't bring Obi-Wan back. It will
ruin the plot. So I'll choose.......... Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon: VADER YA BETTER WIN! I DON'T WANT MAUL STICK HIS
LIGHTSABER THROUGH MY TUMMY! (sobs.) George: Oh man. Looks like I have to start auditions again! (Takes out his mobile and starts screaming into it.) Johnny: That match had so much potential. But sadly, it was
turned into a crap fight by Brad Renfro. Johnny: There there (pats him on the back). We now have the
battle of the apprentices! In one corner we have Darth Maul! Darth Maul ignites both ends of his lightsaber and hisses. The
crowd goes wild and we see the Maul fans dressed up in face paint and waving
around double-bladed lightsabers. Nick: WAAAAAAAHH!!! Darth_Reeve-13: Oh sh*t. (Sticks a dummy in Nick's mouth
and he starts sucking on it like Maggie Simpson.) Johnny: And in the other corner we have Lord Vader! Darth Vader ignites his lightsaber and chokes an Admiral. The
crowd goes wild and we see people in Vader masks and waving lightsabers and
dead admirals. Padme: My HERO! (faints) Mills Lane: Well. Initiating Virtual Arena. (The ring turns into
a dojo, very much like the molten lava pits.) Okay guys. I want a.........
SICK FIGHT WITH LOTS OF FANCY FORCE POWERS AND SICK LIGHTSABER MOVES! MAKE IT
AS BLOODY AS YOU CAN AND MAKE IT ENTERTAINING! Alright. LETS GET IT ON!!! The crowd cheers as Vader and Maul circle each other. Vader: All right you horny bastard! Woooosshh. You're going down!
Maul: Grrrrrrr.......... Maul swipes at Vader, but misses. Vader: What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? woooshh. They start fighting in a REALLY sick way. Think Vader vs Luke
crossed with Qui-Gon vs Maul crossed with any other lightsaber battle you
could think of, except the ANH one. They kick each other's asses for twenty
minutes. Vader: Come on. woooosshh. Talk to me. Maul: SHUT UP YOU WALKING CORPSE! (In a VERY high pitched voice.)
Oops. Maul's V.O walks in. He looks very sick. V.O: Sorry. I've got a sore throut today. (coughs and departs.) Everybody looks at Maul. Maul blinks. Everyone opens their mouths
and...........LAUGHS! All except Maul: AAAAHAAAHAAHA! AHA! Maul slowly turns even more redder than his tatoos. Maul: PLEASE DON'T LAUGH AT ME! Vader: Hahahahaha WOOOSH Hahahahahaha WOOOSH YOU are a shame to
the Sith! You are just a Marilyn Manson wannabe! Marilyn Manson enters the ring with a chainsaw in his hand. All
in the vicinity are quiet. In slowmo, he walks up the Maul and.......
dicapitates him bit by bit. Still in slowmo, Marilyn Manson withdraws and
blood spills on everyone in the front rows of the audience. He walks out with
everyone staring at him, gasping or throwing up, which is still in slowmo.
Even R2 seems to be trying to hurl. M.M exits the ring and it turns back to
normal time. Vader: @#$%! I didn't get to finish him off! (Breaths deeply and
clenches his fists.) Padme: (Climbs onto stage and embraces him with her head on his
chest.) Don't worry. YA MAH HEERO! Qui-Gon: Oh dear. Nick:(Spits the dummy out and hits Darth_Reeve-13, knocking her
out.) Well that was the best match so far! Johnny: Yeah you can say that again! Marilyn made that match REAL
good! Nick: While the clean-up crew is mopping up the blood and gore
for our next match between Luke and Leia's two driods: R2-D2 and C-3P0. Will
their friendship survive after this one helluva match? Johnny: Let's just hope the Maker will spare them. Anakin KID: I won't. I just want to see blood and gore!!! Shmi: Anakin, what have I told you about watching horror movies? Anakin KID: Sorry mummy. It's just that I love seeing people
bleed and die!!! Admiral Piet: Wow that's surprising. Johnny: While we are waiting for them to finish cleaning up,
let's see the new crappy products does Celeb. Deathmatch has released! Nick: Do you guys remember those figurines that you use to fight
where you stuck pictures of a celebrity's head on the face? Johnny: Yup I remember. But are you sick of finding that the
faces of the celebrity doesn't fit the figurine? Nick: Hell yeah! Have they come up with a solution? Johnny: Certainly! Introducing the new download-and-fight
Celebrity Deathmatch figurines! All you have to do is plug the figurine into
the computer and download a face of your favourite star from
www.downloadaface.com {This is a fake site} and it will appear on the tiny
screen on the doll. Once you're done, you can go off and kick the @#$%^&$
@$$ off another doll! All this for a low-low price of $400 terms and conditions
apply! Call us at 555 556 and our operators are there to take your m- calls!
Or you can e-mail us at [email protected]! Nick: Looks like they are ready to go! In corner 1 we have the
Goldenrod himself: SEEEEETHREEEEPIIIOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Johnny: And in corner 2 we have the garbage bin on wheels!
AAAARTOOOOO-DEEEEETWOOOOOO!!! Mills: Alright you borgs. I want a good clean fight. No
transmissions for help and no repairs. LET'S GET IT ON!!! R2: Beepbeepboopsqueak! (This should be easy as pie.) A laser cannon appears our of R2. Threepio: Oh my! 3P0 starts to walk around (being unable to run.) R2 hunts him
down, crushes him, grinds him to dust and then blasts him oblivion. R2 then
takes out a fireworks shell and starts a mini-fireworks display. Nick: Well what a spectacular ending to a short match. Johnny: Hell yeah! Reminds me of the fireworks displays around
the world on New Years Eve. Nick: Well there'll be an even more spectacular fireworks and
laser show coming up next!!! Johnny: That's right! From the Endor system we have Admiral
Ackbar's fleet go head to head with the evil Grand Admiral Thrawn's fleet! Nick: The rebellion has 5 types of starfighters, when the Empire
has 7 types, including the super-deadly Missile Boat, which can go into over-drive
and carry more than twice as much of warheads as a TIE Bomber. Johnny: We now go live to the Endor System where a Mills Lane
look-alike, Lex Luther is referee for this match. Lex? Lex: Alright you @#$%^@#$$!!! No flying out of the sun, no calls
for external help and no teasing about the hair! An Imperial Indicator hypers in, trapping the Mon Calamari
Cruisers in. A Super Star Destroyer hypers in, along with 2 Imperial Star
Destroyers and a Victory-Class Star Destroyer. To make this short, the B-Wings with the help of the Y-Wings and
the escort of A-Wings destroy the Frigates and the Modified Corvettes. Before
the Modified Corvettes were killed, they destroyed 2 of the 5 Calamari
Cruisers with the assistance of the Missile Boats and TIE Bombers. All the
TIE Fighters were destroyed, including backup were shot down by the X-Wings,
and the A-Wings destroyed all the TIE Bombers because they are so @#$#$%^
slow. After the Y-Wings destroyed the Frigates and the Corvettes, they were
wiped out by TIE Advances. The B-Wings destroyed the Victory-Class Star Destroyer
but 3 were shot down by the mines. The A-Wings half-cleared the mine-field
then were shot down by TIE Defenders. The Missile Boats destroyed another
Calamari Cruiser and cleared the mine field. The Super Star Destroyer along
with the Imperial Star Destroyers destroyed the remaining Calamari Cruisers
while the remaining Rebel craft destroyed the Interdictor and severly injured
the Imp. Class Star Destroyers. Sadly all were shot down by the Super Star
Destroyer except for Wedge, who destroyed the Shield Generators and entered
hyperspace, hoping one of the shot ones will collide into the S.S. He was
right. The S.S.D was destroyed, along with the craft on board, leaving no
Imperial survivors. Lex Luther, watching from a Military-Classed Lambda Shuttle is
facing the camera. Lex: Looks like the Rebels win! Nick: Roger! Johnny: (Looks at Nick) You aways wanted to be a pilot don't you?
Nick: .....Yeah. I tried to get into the Air Force but they rejected
me after finding out I had an affair with the General's Daughter. Johnny: Isn't that a movie? 'The General's Daughter'? Nick: Yeah, but my story's a porn one. Johnny: Imagine if you did that to the Sith's daughter...... He shudders at the title 'The Sith's Daugther." VERY
UNORIGINAL!!! Johnny: Well that match was the sickest match of them all. Let's
go over to Tracy Cornbread, who's interviewing the only survivor of the
Rebellion, Wedge. Tracy? Tracy: That's right! Okay Wedge. Decribe how you felt in that
X-Wing cocpkit? Wedge: PURE ADRENALINE! PURE VICTORY! PURE FUN! Tracy: Ummm....Okay. Can you summarize what happened out there
quickly? Wedge: Uhum. I came, I saw, I whipped Imperial ass! Oh, thanks to
the Organa-zation for that! (winks) Tracy: Well Johnny back to you! Johnny: Okay time for the next match! We have the VERY smart
Jar-Jar Binks fighting himself! Nick: Why did you say very smart? Johnny: Darth_Reeve-13 said so. Isn't that right? Darth_Reeve-13: (still unconscious).................. Johnny: If I were her, I would say, (in a girly voice) I have to
keep my readers who are Jar-Jar fans happy. Nick: Now let's get to the ring! We see Mills Lane trying to get the attention of Jar-Jar Binks,
who's pretending to be tough and throwing punches into thin air. Jar-Jar: Yousa talking to mesa?! Yousa talkin' to mesa? (Flexes
his muscles) Mesa hero! Mesa bombad! Mills: Alright Gungan! You know- wait you don't. Anyway then. I
want a good clean fight O.K? Let's get it on! Jar-Jar: Get what on? Mills:......Never mind. Just fight! Jar-Jar: Okyday! Qui-Gon: Hope he loses..... Jar-Jar: (Waves to Qui-Gon) Hello dalee Jedi! Qui-Gon puts his head in his hands, embarressed. Jar-Jar chucks an energy ball at himself and goes crazy. Jar-Jar: Oh oh oh oh oh oh! Thatsa hurty!!!! He continues to run around waving his hands in the air in an
idiotic style. The Jar-Jar Binks fan club rushes up into the ring and tosses
him a can of something, which gives him 25 HP points back. Jar-Jar whips a chainsaw out to saw something, but sadly, he
couldn't control it. Our brave Gungan warrior is slowly dicapitated.
Jar-Jar, may you live in our hearts forever.... Nick: (Wipes a tear out of his eye) Oh that Gungan was so
brave...(His eyes wells up in tears. Aaahhhhhhaaahaahahhaaaaaaaaa....(Throws
his hands around Johnny.) I just so love Jar-Jar! Darth_Reeve-13 wakes up. Darth_Reeve-13: (yawns) Oh what a lovely nap. Jar-Jar fans: BRING JAR-JAR BACK! BRING JAR-JAR BACK! BRING
JAR-JAR BACK! BRING JAR-JAR BACK! Darth_Reeve-13: In risk of getting hit in the head again, okay. She jumps into the ring and takes her lightsaber out and ignites
it. Darth_Reeve-13: Ahem.....Life2! (An aura surrounds her as she
twirls her lightsaber and stabs it into Jar-Jar's remains.) Well, that should
be added to my Good Deeds list. Jar-Jar: Oh mesa alive?! Mesa alive?! Oh mesa thankayou! (Hugs
the Sith) Mesa now owns two life debbets! Oh dear! Darth_Reeve-13: Oh @#$%. I think I'm going to take a shower. Nick: Well time for the next match! We have the battle of the
Blues! Watto vs The Blue Elephant! Normally, we'd have Tracy Cornbread do an
interview, but we don't know where she is.... Meanwhile, in the locker room....... Tracy is gagged in a locker. Tracy: Mmmmmmmpppphh! Mmmmmmm! The blue alien from those Eiffel 65 video clips waves as he
produces a cigar......... Johnny: Time for the match! In one corner we have Anakin's owner,
Watto! Nick: (Recovered from Jar-Jar sadness) I JUST SO LOVE JAR-JAR!!!!
Crowd boos. Watto: Whadya want? Nick: In the other corner, we have the blue elephant who plays an
instrument! The Blue Elephant! Crowd is silent. Johnny: And on the side performing: Eiiiiifeeel siiixtiii fiiiive!!!
Crowd goes wild. Mills Lane: All right you guys. You know the rules! Let's get it
on!!!! Oh oh.....(pukes up blood) Sh*t... Eiffel 65: (Sings) Yo listen up here's a story. About a little
guy that lives in a blue world........ The elephant whips out a blaster from his trunk and fires at
Watto but misses. Watto: Eyyyyaaahh! (Flies around chasing Elephante.) Eiffel 65: I'm blue daba de da ba da. Da ba de daba da daba dee
daba da. I'm...... Darth_Reeve-13: (Still asleep and mumbling) blue......I will....bleed....I
will die........I....will bleed....I..... Watto: Anakin! Kill that blue pachyderm! Anakin KID: Sorry Watto. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!! Watto: SHAG! (For those who don't know, shag is Huttese for
slave.) Austin Powers: Did I here someone say shag? Felicity: Yep. Austin stares lustfully at Felicity. Seeing this, Amidala does
the same to Vader. Padme: Yeah Baby! Darth_Reeve-13 immediantly wakes up. Eiffel 65:(singing) I have a blue house with a blue window..... Darth_Reeve-13 holds her hand up and Felicity and Austin
disappears. A Mara Jade fan throws a boomarang at her head and she gets
knocked out.....again. Eiffel 65: Blue is the colour, I only know. Blue are the people
and trees are too........ Shmi impales the elephant with her mop. (?) Eiffel 65: I have a girlfriend, and she is so blue......... Watto yells at Shmi for agreeing Anakin to be free. Eiffel 65: Blue daba de daba da.....(Song finishes.) The audience goes wild. Back in the locker room, the blue alien is threatening Tracy with
THE cigar.......... Johnny: Well that was ONE HELLUVA MATCH!!!! Nick: Damn right! As the saying goes, music is the language of
life! Johnny: While the guys are preparing for the next match, we'll
have a preview for the upcoming fanfics by Darth_Reeve-13. 13? The camera shows an unconscious Reeve-13 Nick: Okay I'll do it. She is currently writing a major crossover
fanfic with Star Wars, Pokemon, U Name It. Also on the writing board she is
currently trying to think up a list about why Imperials are so stupid- Vader: HEY! Nick: And she's thinking of writing an ohmigod serious Star Wars
fanfic, which is set in an Alternate Universe where Leia is the love child of
Amidala and Kenobi- Vader and Padme: Hey!!!! Nick: And Anakin never fell to the Dark Side and he
fufilled his destiny but is rumoured to be dead! So before we fall asleep
like she is let's go back to the ring. A sick looking Mills is struggling to stand as blood gushes from
every orfice. Luke: Mills what's wrong? Mills: Urrrggggghhhh. (Vomits up blood.) I knew I shouldn't have
accepted that holiday to Ebola River. (Hurls) Damn....... Haven't visited it
till 10 days ago. (Collapses) Medics rush around him. Medic 1: Did he mention Ebola? Medic 2: Yeah. Medic 3: Oh my god..... Medic 4: He's probably contracted Ebola. Let's get him out of
here! Darth_Reeve-13 wakes up and cures everyone who may have
contracted the virus, but then another Mara Jade fan bashes her in the head
with a Coke bottle, making her fall unconsious......again. Darth_Reeve-13: @#$%...... Producer: Quick we need a replacement! Know anyone bald? Lobot jumps into the ring with a whistle around his neck. Lobot: Okay now I'm Lord of the ring! Bzzzzz....Ack! We turn to see Lando with a remote. Lando: You will allow me to win this match. Lobot: (Staring blankly) Yes Master Lando. Han shoots the remote and Lobot's free. Lobot: All....right...you..guys....I....want...a...good..... Han starts shooting his missles from Masters of Terras Kasi,
which of course, is a Tekken-Style game. Lando, having not been in there,gets hit once. Lando tries to
shoot but misses. Han withdraws his weapon and starts punching him and doing
Desparado Draws. Within minutes, Lando is barely alive. Han whips out his blaster and shoots him up like a person armed
with a BFG (Big F*cking Gun.) shooting one person in an inclosed space. Lando
meets his end and Han takes the Millenium Falcon keys of Lobot and holds it
in truimph. The crowd goes wild and we turn to see Han fans dressed as him
and Princess Leia in her metal bikini waving pom poms in the air. Leia: Hanny Hanny he's my man if he can't do it no one can! Nick: Well look at the crowd go off! Johnny: Wowsa! This is as good at it gets! Nick: Let's hope the crowd will go even more wilder in the next
match! Johnny: Yeah! Hey Nick, I still have some money left from the
Anakin bet. Do you wanna take a gamble? Nick: Hell yeah! (Takes his REALLY fat wallet out of his pocket
and takes out $3000.) Johnny: (Takes $4000 out.) I bet that Oola will win the next
match. Nick: I'll bet Leia will win the next match. Deal? Johnny: Deal. (They spit and shake hands.) Nick: Uhum. Now lets get to the ring and in one corner, we have
daughter of Queen Amidala and Anakin Skywalker, the princess with the danish
buns and who can open a can of Whup @$$ on imperials, Priiiiiincesssss
Leeeeeiaaaaa!!!!!!! The audience go wild and we see Luke and Han dressed in
cheerleading costumes (?!) and waving pom poms. Luke and Han: Leia Leia she's our gal if she can't do it well
what the hell! We also see people dressed in Leia's white dress with buns and
waving blasters in the air. Nick: And in the other corner, oolala we have Oola! Oola waves but the crowd is silent. Jabba waves as he lies in the front row occupying an amazing 10
seats. Oola shivers with fear as she remembers the incident wth the
rancor. Lobot: All...right...you...guys...or...gals...I...want...to...go...
Leia starts by throwing her grenades from Masters of Terras Kasi
and Oola gets hit. Oola: Ahhhhhh!!!!! Leia then does a crescent kick and does a roundhouse. She whips
out her staff and breaks Oola's arms, legs, spine then she finishes with her
off by cracking her skull open. The crowd goes crazy and Luke and Han perve at Leia's @$$. Padme suddenly jumps our of Vader's lap and runs up to Luke. Padme: Luke! Stop that! Vader chases after her. Vader: Hey! Padme starts shocking Luke with her droid stunner. Leia: Hey! Leia jumps out of the ring and faces Luke. She b*tchslaps him. Luke: Grrrrr. (Ignites his lightsaber.) Leia: Grrrrr. (Whips out her staff) Darth_Reeve-13 suddenly wakes up. Darth_Reeve-13: Hey Luke has a better chance with his saber!
(Tosses Leia her double-bladed lightsaber, then get's choked by another
Luke/Mara fan and falls unconscious. (This getting old yet?) Leia: All righty! You're going down bro! Johnny: What's this? Sibling rivalry? Nick: Well ladies and gentlemen! We have an unschedled match! I'd
thought I'll never see it but we can! It's brother against sister! Twin
against twin! It's Luke against Leia. Which Skywalker shall win? Johnny: And right now we have the Jedi security guards
restraining Padme and Vader who are trying to stop the fight! Padme: (Trying to shake off the guards.) Luke.....Leia! Stop this
instance!!! Lobot: All right you guys. (Luke and Leia fail to listen.) Aw
what the heck! Just beat the @#$% out of each other! Luke: Now you know why Obi-Wan wanted me trained! (Lunges at
her.) Leia parries the blow and thrusts. Now we don't want to read the fight so they keep doing this
hundreds of times. Leia slashes Luke's hand off. Luke: ARRGGHH!!!!! Leia destroys the saber and disembowls her bro and pulls all his
insides out. Luke: No! (Becomes one with the Force.) Leia's a grinner 'cause she's a winner. Leia guy fans: (singing) She keeps pushin'. Movin' on up. She
always keeps moving on up. Moving on up. She's the winner! Guy in the crowd: Space Jam? Bleeurrgghhh!!!!!!! (Pukes on those
guys.) Johnny: All right! Leia kick's ass! Even kicked her brother's! Padme: (Crying over Luke's corpse.) My BAAAAABYYYYY!!!!!
WAAAAAA!!!! MY SPECIAL LITTLE BOY!!!!!! Leia: Sorry mum. Padme: (Zapping Leia with her droid stunner.) Go to your room! Leia: (Sniffs) Yes mummy. Medics: (Zapping Darth_Reeve-13 with those electric thingies) Get
up!! Medics: (Zapping Darth_Reeve-13 with those electric thingies) Get
up!! Medics: (Zapping Darth_Reeve-13 with those electric thingies) Get
up!! Darth_Reeve-13 awakes and starts thrashing around wildly. Darth_Reeve-13:(Insane)JLKJGDKBXNSKJHCDHIDJANDNAJN Medic: Bring Luke back! Luke's resurrected. Luke: Ya bitch! Starts bashing Darth_Reeve-13 in the head till she's nothing more
than a vegetable. Nick: And now we have the battle of the hairy people! Johnny: We have Chewie the Wookie up against Wicket the Ewok! The
winner will win a heavy duty electric razor! Nick: Now let's get to the ring I need to powder my nose. Lobot: All....right....you....guys....fight. Nick: (Whispering to Johnny) We gotta change the ref. Lobot suxs.
Chewbacca slams his arms down at Wicket but can't reach because
of his height. Wicket begins pelting the Wookie with stones, and one of them
hit's Chewbacca's eyes. Chewie: Hoooorr!!!! Gets out his bowcaster and impales Wicket with an arrow. Chewie starts dancing but he doesn't notice a bunch of Ewoks
aiming at the Wookie. Chewie: ROAAAAGGGRRR!!!!! Chewie gets hit with large stones by the Ewoks. Chewie, weakened
and bruised, falls down and dies. The Ewoks cheer and starts singing their song from the end of
ROTJ. Johnny comes down to give the Ewoks their very first electric
razor. The Ewoks bear hug him. Johnny: AH! The Ewoks hug even more tighter. Johnny: ARRRRRGH! (Throws them off him.) Johnny: Remind me to take a shower. (Pukes.) Nick: While Johnny is making his way up to the box, let's see
what amazing products do we have! Introducing to you, the all-new Celebrity
Deathmatch: The Game now available on the PSX and N64! Not on Dreamcast
though as we have doubts on Sega. Just choose your favourite movie star or
character and kick some ass man! Buy from here and you'll get a fake gold
case for a CD or Cartridge. All this for a low-low no frills price of $90,000
or order with credit card and you'll recieve an autographed copy of Vader's
autobiography, " How to become the Chosen One, a consort to a Queen,
nearly destroy a whole order, become right hand to a really old prune and
nearly kill your own son in 10 easy steps." Call 555 555 and our
operators will be waiting to fill our pockets! I mean, fill your pockets with
goodies." Johnny: Well that the pleasantries are over, time for our main
event, our tag team! Meanwhile the medics are reviving Darth_Reeve-13. Medic: How many fingers am I holding? (Holds 2 fingers up to the
half-conscious Sith.) Darth_Reeve-13: Um......(Cross-eyed) Four? Medic: Close enough.....Now get into the ring! (Shoves her @$$
in.) Nick: In corner one we have the Jedi Master gimmick, Qui-Gon
Jinn! Qui-Gon ignites his lightsaber as the audience goes wild. Johnny: Fighting alongside him is the Jedi Master of the Jedi
Academy, Luke Skywalker! Crowd goes even more wilder as Luke ignites his lightsaber.
Callista faints thinking 'Oh he's so hot!' Nick: Now time for the bad @$$ed villians. We have the meanest
Sith Lord around. Daaarth Vaadeer!!! Vader ignites his lightsaber as we see his fans again cheering. Johnny: And we have his team mate! The psychotic Sith who
critized Star Wars and defeated Mara Jade! Darth_Reeve-13! The crowd is silent as she clumsily ignites both ends of her
lightsaber, looking like a drunk. Shaking, she struggles to reach the
keyboard, but fails. Darth_Reeve-13: Nooooo!!!!! Teemto: Allllllrigghtt youuu guys (burps) Fiiigghht so I can continue
my pre-race celebration woohoo!!! Darth_Reeve turns to face Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon: Come on coward. You can never defeat me! She struggles to swing, but in slow-mo, she collapses due to all
the blows in the head she recieved tonight. Darth Vader: Oh well. That @#$$% deserved it anyway. With lightning speed, he disembowls Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon: Not this again. (dies) Luke: Okay father. It's now you and me. I'm going to kick your
@$$ like I did in ROTJ. Vader: I've been watching you son. I know your plans well. They start dueling. Parry thrust parry parry thrust thrust
twirl parry turn jump force push parry thrust thrust parry parry force push
leap thrust parryParry thrust parry parry thrust thrust twirl parry turn jump
force push parry thrust thrust parry parry force push leap thrust parryParry
thrust parry parry thrust thrust twirl parry turn jump force push parry
thrust thrust parry parry force push leap thrust parryParry thrust parry
parry thrust thrust twirl parry turn jump force push parry thrust thrust
parry parry force push leap thrust parry Parry thrust parry parry thrust
thrust twirl parry turn jump force push parry thrust thrust parry parry force
push leap thrust parryParry thrust parry parry thrust thrust twirl parry turn
jump force push parry thrust thrust parry parry force push leap thrust
parryParry thrust parry parry thrust thrust twirl parry turn jump force push
parry thrust thrust parry parry force push leap thrust parryParry thrust
parry parry thrust thrust twirl parry turn jump force push parry thrust
thrust parry parry force push leap thrust parry (Well getting sick of this
yet?) Luke: (panting) You know you can't win. Vader: You've definately got stronger. Luke: Dad, why can't you be like other dads? Why can't you play
catch with me? Why can't you give me my allowance? Why can't you ground me?
(tear falls from his eye) Ever since I was a kid people teased me for not
having a dad! (Starts to cry.) Vader: Don't cry. {Brushes Luke's tears away. (?!)} Luke: Will you be my dad? Vader: Of course I will. (Hugs him.) Son. Luke: Father. Johnny: Looks like this match is over. Nick: Started out good but in the end, crap. Johnny: I just hate tie breakers. Amidala: (Crying tears of happiness.) Oh I've thought I'll never
see this day! (Runs up to stage and hugs her hubby and sonny. Leia hugs and
kisses Han then runs up to the ring and joins in the family reunion.) Nick: Looks like the shows over. Johnny: YESSSS!!!!! Oh well. Nick: We saw some pretty good fights tonight. Johhny: Next time another author does it, it will be better. So
let's just make this short. Good fight, good night. Eiffel 65 starts singing 'Move your body' while the credits start
rolling. Tracy: AHHHHH!!!! SAVE ME FROM THAT PEVERT BLUE ALIEN!!!!! The blue alien chases her around till Eiffel 65 catches him and
kick his @$$. ----------------------------------------------------------- Well, finally I've finished this. This took me AGES to
write (It's about 70ks big.) I KNOW this suxs and I KNOW Amidala really acted
like a whore but you know, I just wanted to experiment. I KNOW I have
tortured myself a lot because I really think I'm a loser.
You are great because you survived reading this fanfic, From <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> |