Disclaimer: Star trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount, but the story's mine. The men in Janeway's life are from Jeri Taylor's Mosaic.

Author's note: This is my first story fully written in English. It was written for Katie's contest and I wrote it around the 20th of May, Janeway's B-day.

Rated PG-13

"Happy birthday, aunt Kathryn!" "Thanks, Naomi." The little girl in front of me smiled and handed a colorful, self painted picture to me. "This is my gift for you. Look, this is me, you and Mom on a planet." "Great, I like it. Shall I hang it up in my room?" "Would you do that?" The eyes of six year old Naomi Wildman widened. "Sure, little Sunshine." Samantha Wildman was standing next to me and smiling about my conservation with her daughter. "Naomi, please come. Look, Richard and his parents are waiting to speak with Captain Janeway." The family Paris were next. B'Elanna handed a present wrapped in blue paper to me. Two year old Richard told me "Open it!" I did with laughter. The boy was so cute and so much like his mother. There was no time when he was sitting and doing nothing. He was a very active child. It was a crystal Voyager, shimmering in all rainbow colors, as long as my hand. "Oh, Tom, B'Elanna, thank you, it's wonderful." "You're welcome, Captain." Before his father could say any more, little Richard ran to Neelix,so his parents had no chance left to say anymore. Everyone on board came and gave his best wishes and brought me presents. Suddenly I had to yawn and felt so tired. This couldn't be me, I can work for 24 hours and I'm still not tired, and today I'm tired after sitting here for one hour! Perhaps I should check this with the Doc. He would probably tell me not to work so hard. And I know that's impossible. I'm the Captain, and I can't tell my people to work harder and don't do it myself. I checked my mental list of acquaintances and one hadn't visited me: Chakotay. Has he forgotten that it is my birthday? He wasn't in my quarters when I woke up and I haven't seen him since last night. Last night, yes, the memories bring a smile to my face. What he did with me, it felt so incredible. I liked it so much, and he liked it, too. But where was he this morning?

Later I was a bit late for bridge duty, but I had to bring my presents to my quarters before I could come. "Captain on Bridge." Chakotay responded by leaving my chair and sitting on his own one. I sat down and glanced at him. He glanced back and then he said: "May I speak with you privately?" "Yes, come with me. Tuvok! You have the bridge." I walked to my ready room and when the doors had closed, he began to speak: "Permission to speak free?" "Granted, Chakotay." "I wish to give you this as birthday present." And he handed a small, handmade wooden case to me. I opened it slowly and found a ring inside. What does this mean? I looked up, directly in his eyes. He looked back and asked me softly: "Will you marry me?" There where thousands of thoughts going around in my head. What about the crew? About Starfleet? But I love him deeply, so can I ignore protocol? Finally I made a decision: "Yes." He took the ring and put it on my finger. He put his arms around me and I got lost in his kiss. Then, as usual, Tuvok's voice broke the magic of the moment with "Captain, please come to the bridge!" The rest of the morning I spent doing calculations and reading reports. This WAS so boring that I nearly felt asleep.

Cakotay and I had lunch together and although neither of us spoke about it, we kissed in the casino before going on duty again. I'm not sure if many people saw us, but I'm sure that in half an hour everyone will know about it. I've no problem about it and they should think what they like. I feel happy!

The afternoon started as boring as the morning had ended and I felt much more sleepy than before. Kissing my first officer was one thing but sleeping on the bridge would be unacceptable. Tuvok was at his console, Kim at OPS, and Tom at the conn. The atmosphere on the bridge was quiet, except for the bleeping noises of the computer. I felt my eyes close, and I wasn't able to open them again. In my dozed state I saw the men in my live: my father, playing number games with me, then Cheb Packer, my first friend, followed by Will Riker. There had been nothing between us, but there could have been if I had allowed it. I realized this for the first time. And then, my first fianc�, Justin Tight. I felt again the horrible feeling of losing Justin and my father and then the pictures where followed by Mark. I lost him, too, but this time no one died, I was simply sent into the Delta quadrant. And now Chakotay. Chakotay? It was his picture, but his voice, the voice speaking to me was definitely not his. Who's was it? I know it, but I can't remember, who's it is. "Captain, wake up." Was I sleeping? Slowly I tried to open my eyes and now I realized the voice. It was the Doctor's and he was standing next to me. "Where am I?" "In sickbay. Captain, you felt asleep on bridge and Mr. Tuvok decided that I should check you." I felt my face becoming red and hot. Had this really happened? How embarrassing! "And what have you found?" "Congratulations, Captain, you're pregnant." What? Pregnant! Me? How could this happen? I know how it happens, but with me? I'm the Captain, I can't be pregnant, I've to be strong for my ship. Was he waiting for something? Oh, "Thanks, Doctor. May I go to my quarters?" "Yes, and try to get some more sleep." I don't think I'll get some sleep, there's to much I've to think about. What shall I do now? The main decision is, will I give birth to this child? It would change my whole live. No, I don't think I can do this. I have to talk with the Doc, but I think I shouldn't have this baby. Not now. Looking down my body, no you can't see something. Good. No one will ever know. I can't tell Chakotay, he would like our baby, but - my hands are shaking about my thoughts - I'm not a mother and this is so fast. Perhaps after our marriage. How late is it? Nearly nineteen hundred hours. Tom and B'Elanna have invited me to a dinner party in half an hour and I still have to shower and get dressed. Where has the time gone?

We're only a little group tonight, the Parises, Samantha with Naomi, Chakotay and I. I'm having fun, but was my decision right? Seeing Chakotay's love for me in his eyes, feeling his hand in mine, I feel like a betrayer. He loves me so much and I don't want his child? Dinner is over, we're sitting together, talking about nothing special, only small talk. There, Chakotay is coming with a glass of wine to me. "No thanks, Daddy." He looked up. Have I really said this? Why do I feel like doing the right thing? He's staring at me. "Really, sweetheart?" I smile and nodd, feeling happier than ever before. He kisses me, and I forget the whole world, except for our mouths and his hand on my still flat belly.