Disclaimer: Kat and Chakotay and the whole Voyager are Paramount's. But the story is all mine.

Author's note: My first J/C story. It was written in one afternoon, after I got the idea what will be in his head when... I have to thank Jenna for editing this story for me.

"Why, Kat, why? Why couldn't we become lucky together? What have I done that you have to pay the penalty?" Commander Chakotay was sitting in sickbay, watching the motionless body of his love(r). His question was always the same: Why? But everything had started so well.

One day, about two months before, Captain Janeway had been late on the bridge, only to call me immediately to her readyroom. "Yes, Captain?" She watched me a long time. The cold fingers of fear touched my heart. What happened? Normally she wasn't a mystery-monger. "Captain...Kathryn... is everything OK?" She hadn't answered me yet. "Kat, please, tell me what's going on!" Then her motionless face got a grin. "It had worked!" "Really?"
When she nodded, I opened my armes and she ran into them like a little child.

After some minutes of swirling her around she got out of my arms, laughing, and put one hand protectively on her belly. "Not so fast!" We sat down on the couch and she told me everything: She had been at the docters' this morning, so he could tell her if her feelings were right. And this time she was really pregnant. If everything was going the right way, we would be the parents of a little daughter in six months. I took her in my arms again, as Lt. Tuvok called her to bridge.

Later this evening, in her quarters, we had started to make plans for the future, to think about a name for our baby and to think about the best way to tell it to the crew. In the end, we decided to wait with this. My soft, playful kisses grew quickly into more, and we were in my quarters before morning.

The next week in my memory is filled with love for her. Yes, I had watched her even more carefully then usual, and with her every move, it only strengthened my love for her and our baby. Perhaps I was hypersensitive, but after I, who knew it, could see Kathryn's pregnancy, I got a feeling like more and more crew discussions stopped when one of us arrived. Then there was the evening when Kat came and told me that B'Elanna had been talking with her, telling her about the ship's gossip.

Together we chose to tell the crew so that we didn't risk our morals being in question. Then came the day of the party on the holodeck that Tom and B'Elanna had organized for us. Kat had told me that I should go first. I was standing nervously in front of the holodeck and was talking to B'Elanna when SHE came in.

I could hardly belive it: Kathryn had chosen to wear a long, loose dress for the evening, under which her soft- domed belly sometimes showed.This dress had cost nearly a week of replicator rations! She came to me with a smile and took my arm thankfully. I led her to the bar, where a young Ensign was playing bartender, and got something for her to drink. Later, after nearly everyone who was not on duty had arrived, she tapped her glass to call attention, and they came.

"I have to tell you something important. Commander Chakotay will be doing much of my job in the next month. I am expecting a child." It was silent enough to hear a pin drop. Then someone began to applaud and all others did the same. It seemed like Kat was happy as center of the party, when everyone came to congratulate her. Apparently our relationship was better known than we thought, because the crew saw me as the father and congratulated me too.

Kathryn got only more beautiful as her pregnancy progressed. Her belly domed and she was wearing loose clothes instead of her uniform more often. But then came the day of the trouble. B'Elanna had called Kat into engineering for a routinecheck, when Voyager was attacked without warning by an unknown ship. Nothing happened to Voyager - she shook for a bit, then it was over. It seemed like such an unimportant incident. Then the doctor called me to sickbay.

I went there, wondering if he had finished one of his experiments or something. I hadn't thought about Kat. As far as I knew, she was in engineering with B'Elanna. Then the door opened in front of me and I saw Kat lying there. First it looked like if she was dead, and I could only think, "Why, Kat, why?" Then B'Elanna and the Doc told me that Kathryn had fallen down and was hurt so badly that there was nothing the doc could do to reascue her and not also the baby. And Kat was in a coma.

Awoken of this thought by a movement, Chakotay looked into the face of his love. She had opened her eyes and he could see that she knew the truth.