Delta Spice. "No! Absolutely not!" "Oh, come on Chakotay, they'll look gorgeous on you." Kathryn begged. "Gorgeous?" Chakotay held up a pair of flourescent blue hot pants, "No I won't." Kathryn put her hands on her hips and said in her best 'Captains' voice, "Commander, we won the bet fair and square, you will wear them." Across the room B'Elanna Torres and Sam Wildeman snorted with barely suppressed laughter. They were helping Neelix tie the laces on his six -inch platforms. He looked sick to his stomach, he tugged self- consciously on his mini-skirt, Tom had said Baby Spice wore the best clothes, well, last night was the last time he'll see Leola Root for a long time, Neelix thought, then again, he'll probably be glad for that. His thoughts were interrupted by Brenna Callaghan and Jo Henley rushing into the room. "Look what we found!" Brenna said excitedly, she held up a pair of thigh -high black boots. "We thought they'd suit the Commander." said Jo with an evil grin. "They're ugly," said B'Elanna, "they'll look great on him, where'd you find them?" Jo and Brenna glanced at each other. "In th' bottom o' your wardrobe." sniggered Brenna. B'Elanna glared at her. "I'm going to check on the Doctor's program." she said and flounced out of the room. Jo and Brenna shrugged simultaenously. Jo walked over to Harry, who was learning the words to the song, she could see the headache behind his eyes. She pulled the headphones off his head and took the sheets out of his clenched fists. "You'd better get dressed, Harry." she said, holding up a red halter- neck top. Brenna took the boots over to Chakotay and silently held them out to him. He took them gingerly, as if they might bite him. He stared at them for a while, then looked up. He had been cornered by Kathryn, Sam and Brenna. "They'll look great on you." "They're a perfect length for ya." "You have to wear them." Neelix stood up and stumbled over to them. "You may want to put them on, Commander, they're gonna make you anyway and it's probably a good idea to get some practice walking in them, especially since we have to dance in them." His voice was strained, as if life support had been cut off. Chakotay felt his own throat closing up, but managed to mutter "Traitor." As he started to pull them on, Kathryn laughed, remembering the glorious day, when they had first made the bet...... ----------------------------------------------- Three days earlier....... "Girls just can't play raquetball." Tom said. "What?!" screeched B'Elanna. "May I remind you that it was I who won our last game, and the one before that, and the one before that one, in fact I can't remember the last time I lost a game." "She's right, Tom," Sam grinned, "I even beat you last week." "Its not women that can't play raquetball, Tom," Chakotay appeared from nowhere, "Its you, even Sam can win playing against you." "So?" "She's pregnant!" "Why don't we have a match?" Chakotay suggested. "You and B'Elanna against each other, and I'll play Sam." "Great idea," B'Elanna said, before Tom could open his mouth, "In fact, why don't we get Harry and Brenna to play each other as well, I know Harry's still mad about her telling half the ship that he knew how to sew." Kathryn hurried around the corner, "Why are you all just standing here, the bridge is practically empty," no one moved, "bridge, now!" An hour later, on the bridge, talk of the upcoming raquetball match had continued, they had even managed to talk the Captain into playing. She said she would be happy to play Neelix, maybe while they played she could convince him to make something that actually resembled coffee. Jo Henley walked onto the bridge. "What's this I hear about a deathmatch between Tom and B'Elanna?" she asked Harry, moving into her position at Science Operations Two. Harry laughed. "No, Tom and B'Elanna, Commander Chakotay and Sam, Me and Brenna and the Captain and Neelix are all going to have raquetball matches against each other." "Oh, can I join you?" said Jo, "I'll play the Doctor, I've been wanting to get back at him for last week's checkup, or should I say, last week's verbal slanging match," she grinned at the Captain, who was listening to the conversation, "He won." "Revenge is sweet," smiled Kathryn, "Tom, you said girls can't play raquetball, well, why don't we make a bet, women against men, the losers have to do what the winners say." "Yeah, I'm for it," said Tom, "How about, if the girls lose, they have to dress up as Klingons and sing Klingon opera." Chakotay and Harry nodded their agreement. "And if the boys lose," Sam said from the Science Station, "They have to dress up as the Spice Girls and sing Wannabe." "Who are the Spice Girls?" Everyone asked. "You'll see." Was her only answer. ------------------------------------------------ Back in the present...... Brenna slid into Sickbay quietly, so she wouldn't disturbe B'Elanna, who was concentrating on adding a new subroutine to the HoloDoc's program, so he could dress up as Posh Spice. She waited a few minutes until B'Elanna lifted her head slightly. "B'Elanna," she began tentatively." "What?" she snapped. "I'm really sorry, I told everyone that those boots were yours, I don't want t'wreck our friendship, d'ya forgive me" she said pleadingly. B'Elanna looked up. "Yeah, I do forgive you, let's forget about it." She smiled, "Now I need an opinion on the Doc's costume, Madame, take a seat," she gestured towards the nearest bio-bed, "Now, let the show begin, activate EMH," The Doctor shimmered into existence, wearing a very short, black, strappy dress and a shoulder-length, dark brown wig. "This is tonight's first cross-dressing hologram," B'Elanna said in a deep voice, "note the length of hair, this was Posh Spice's first hairstyle," her voice changed back, "More like Sarcastic Spice, but, up next we have the slightly different hairstyle, with light blue pedal pushers and a white strappy vest." The Doctor disappeared and re-appeared, this time wearing exactly what B'Elanna had said, with very high, black sandals. Brenna scrunched up her eyes as if she were considering it very carefully. She reached her decision. "The first one, they are singing Wannabe after all." "Great," said B'Elanna, she tapped some commands into the monitor and the Doctor was suddenly clad in black again. B'Elanna slapped his mobile emitter onto his arm and said, "Let's go and show the others the Doctor's new look!" -------------------------------------- Two hours later...... "Well," Tom said, "We don't look as bad as I thought we would." The males were stood in a row, under inspection of the women, Kathryn walked over to Chakotay and fluffed up his Scary Spice wig. He glared at her. "Something wrong, Commander?" "fhnk slt htptssss." he muttered. "What was that?" she asked. Chakotay spat out his tongue ring and whispered to Kathryn, "I think I've split these hotpants." Tom overheard and burst into hysterics. Swallowing down laughter, Kathryn checked them. "No, they've held together." B'Elanna adjusted the straps on Tom's Union Jack dress, being careful not to knock his fake cleavage out of place. He went bright red. "What's wrong, Harry?" Jo whispered. "Well, this," he whispered back, waving his hands towards his top, "it hangs too much." "Oh, I see." Jo tightened the straps. "Shouldn't you put some more....." Harry trailed off, still gesturing towards his non-existent chest. "No, no," she said, "Sporty Spice nickname was Holland." Harry looked confused. "Why?" "Because Holland is flat, like her chest." "Okay." Harry was still blushing. Jo walked past Harry and joined Sam who was observing the back of the group. Sam whispered something to her and pointed to Chakotay. Both women burst into laughter. Chakotay turned around and looked at them, which only made them laugh more. Brenna looked curiously at them "What's so funny?" she mouthed. Sam pointed again to Chakotay, and mouthed. "He's got a nice backside!" Brenna almost collapsed with laughter. At that moment Naomi Wildeman walked in. "Mom, why is Commmander Chakotay dressed as Scary Spice?" she asked, she put her hand on her mother's stomach, so she could feel her unborn sister move. She was happy that her mother had seen sense and married Neelix, now they were going to have a baby together. "We had a bet, sweetheart, and the boys lost, so we made them dress up as the Spice Girls." "Are they going to sing?" "Yes, they're singing Wannabe." Sam sniggered. "Well, Commander, do you feel like Scary Spice?" Kathryn asked. "No, I feel more like Middle-Aged Spice." "I feel like Highly-Embarrased Spice." added Neelix. "Can't-Walk-In-These-Heels Spice." groaned the Doctor. "Wish-I-Were-Somewhere-Else Spice." said Harry, attempting a weak smile. "C'mon, where's your sense of humour!" grinned Tom, he was enjoying the attention he was receiving from B'Elanna over his dress. "I think I left it in my quarters." muttered Chakotay. "Okay, boys, it's time!" shouted Kathryn. The girls left, the boys would be beamed to the makeshift stage in the mess hall as part of their performance. As Chakotay materialised, the sound of cheering pentrated his ears, there was a whoosh of air as Tom appeared next to him. One by one, Harry, the Doc and Neelix materialised. Without a seconds hesitation, they started to sing. ----------------------------------------- Two weeks later...... Chakotay, Tom, Harry, the Doctor and Neelix all rushed onto the bridge, having received a Red Alert signal. At first glance, there didn't seem to be anything wrong, but then they realised. The bridge was full of Klingons! The Klingon sitting in the Captain's chair stood up to face them and said in Kathryn's voice. "Gentlemen, I'm glad you could join us," she began, four other Klingons stood up and joined the Captain in the middle of the bridge. "We thought since we made you dress up in revealing clothes, and sing a particularly annoying song, we decided to dress up as Klingons and sing some opera." And as one, they breathed deeply and burst into an aria.