OPERATION CARNATION

Lilly, Sarah Jo and Toni were having tea and scones at the Katherine's shop late one afternoon, gossiping merrily about all the goings on in the town. Toni was all bubbly and happy because Methos was back in town after his road trip with Lady. As usual, Sarah Jo had them all in stitches as she told them stories about some of her escapades in some of the hospitals she had worked in. But after awhile the three ladies began to notice that Katherine was not joining in the cheerful banter. She was uncharacteristically subdued and quiet, as if something was bothering her. Most importantly, her every present soft hum while she worked was conspicuously absent.

Toni called out teasingly, "Kat, are you here? I just asked you for more tea.".

When the little immortal looked up with a soft, sad smile on her delicate face, Lilly had to ask with a touch of concern in her voice, "What's wrong, Katherine? You're so quiet today."

"Oh sorry, ladies. I just have something on my mind today." she said quietly as she brought over a new pot of tea. She sat down with them sighing deeply as she did so. She now had Sarah Jo's full attention, because she knew Katherine well enough to know something was really bothering her.

"Alright, Mamma Kat! Spill it. Ain't gonna take no for an answer, either", Sarah Jo demanded.

Katherine studied the tablecloth for a moment, then spoke softly. "Don't tell Connor any of this, but Kronos has been waiting for me outside the shop every morning when I come at six to get things ready."

"Oh no, Kat, he didn't....do anything, did he?" Toni asked. Katherine just shook her head.

"What did he do then, hon?" Lilly said, her voice low in concern

"That's just it. He doesn't do anything that could justify me reporting him. He just stands there leering at me. Then he laughs and walks off", Katherine shuddered. "Talk about giving a person the creeps!"

"Hmmm. Mamma Kat. sounds like this jerk needs to be taught a lesson!" Sarah Jo said, a mischievous grin over her freckled face.

Katherine rolled her eyes back. "Oh no, you don't! You're not getting me involved in one your crazy schemes! Anyway, Sarah Jo, he's immortal like us. And he has this nice long sharp metallic thing that he wouldn't hesitate using if you piss him off. So please, sweetie. Just forget what I just said", Katherine said with the worry now evident in her voice. Just then the phone rang in her office. "Would you ladies please excuse me for a minute. Have to go answer the phone."

The three of them watched Katherine walk across the coffee shop and disappear into her little office. Then Toni leaned over and whispered conspiratorially. "Ladies, I think while she's gone, we ought to consider taking matters into our own hands, just a little. I have an idea - Lilly, didn't you say Methos has some kind of potion that can knock out a rowdy Immortal in about 10 seconds flat?"

"Yes, I remember him telling me about that. What do you have in mind? It sounds interesting." Lilly said with growing interest, wondering what the town's nosy photographer had up her sleeve. Sarah Jo just sat there with a wicked little grin on her face while she listened attentively. Several possible devious schemes where already running through her head.

"Well, what about if we borrowed a tranquilizer gun from Tom Kirby, and some darts, and put this potion in them. Since I am not Immortal, I can sneak up on Kronos while he is busy watching Kat, and..whack! Then, once he's out, we pick him up and carry him to the clinic, where we convince him he's really very sick and you guys can give him the *full* treatment.

A wicked little grin crossed the face of the freckled face nurse and she suddenly chuckled out loud as she remembered a trick she had pulled on an intern several years back. She motioned for the other two ladies to lean closer and she whispered something in their ears. When she was done they both were laughing almost hysterically.

"Its perfect!!!!! I love it!!!!!!! When can we do it?" Lilly said as giggled and snorted in laughter.

It took a moment for Toni to catch her breath from laughing so hard. "Well...I think Kat mentioned that he watches her every morning. How about tomorrow AM, nice and early? That'll give us time to get the potion from Methos; he won't say no to me, especially once I tell him why."

"Can this Methos fellow add something to it to give him the chills? Maybe a fever? Something to make him think he is really and truly very sick?"

"Sure! He can do anything we need. After all, with 5000 years of recipes and things, he's bound to come up with something good! And, he was a doctor, don't forget", Toni said proudly. She was really getting into this little conspiracy. Katherine had been right when she said Sarah Jo could be a real hoot to be around. Lilly giggled. "Oh this is better and better! I can't wait! I'll go over and arrange things at the clinic. We need to have all the docs fully cooperative if we are going to pull this off!"

About that time Katherine walked out of her office. The petite little blonde raised an eyebrow when she saw her friends just about rolling on the floor in laughter. She debated asking what they were up to this time, but decided to stay out of it for now. The four ladies spent the rest of the afternoon congenially chatting together over numerous cups of tea and several plates of goodies. Then they all split up to go make all the various arrangements for the next morning, leaving the suspicious Katherine to close up her shop, while wondering what her friends were up to this time.

Early the next morning, Toni was waiting nervously along with a couple of strong cops who had gleefully agreed to be part of this plan. Mullard held the dart gun in his hand, ready to use it. He and Toni had argued over who was the better shot and therefore would get the pleasure of tagging the K'immie. It took a little trial run on the pistol range before Toni was convinced that it would be better to let him do it. Sarah Jo was waiting in the electric police car several blocks away and everyone else was stationed at the hospital, ready to do their thing.

Right on schedule Kronos sauntered up and took up his usual position leaning on a lamp post and watching the ever prompt Katherine walk down the street towards the coffee shop. He just stood there, knowing that Katherine was watching him nervously, a leering smile on his face as he considered all the things he would like to do to that sexy little woman who had so feistily stood up against him. He suddenly felt a sting in his neck and he reacted to it as if it were a mosquito. He reached back and swatted his neck hard, driving the small, colored dart in even deeper. He pulled it out and stood staring at it in disbelief, and then his eyes rolled back, and he passed out without a sound.

Katherine looked wide eyed and surprised for a moment, especially when a police vehicle pulled up and Sarah Jo jumped out of it and Toni and two policemen appeared out of nowhere. Then Katherine just shook her head and smiled before going into the shop. At this point she was almost feeling a little sorry for the prone Kronos, knowing some of the nasty little tricks her friend had pulled on others who had *offended* her in the past.

Mullard chuckled as he placed the tranquilizer gun in the vehicle. "I've wanted to do that for a long time. Ok. Where do you want him, chere?" He none-too- gently picked up Kronos, and followed Sarah Jo who was opening up the back door of the patrol. "I think he needs a diet, yes?" he said as he grunted under the heavy load.

Sarah Jo just chuckled as she helped fold the unconscious immortal into the back of the police car. Toni was making use of her camera, making sure this little incident was going to captured on film. "Let's get this here bad boy to the hospital real quick. This poor man is *so* sick. He's gonna some real special treatment, you hear?", Sarah Jo said in a soft melodious drawl, her eyes sparkling with pure mischief.

Mullard chuckled from the driver's seat as everyone crowded into the vehicle. "You are evil, chere.." He was loving every minute of this!

The drive to the clinic was short, and soon, Kronos was sprawled out on an examining table, completely nude. As he woke, slowly, he was shaking uncontrollably, and asked, "I-I'm burning up! What's wrong with me?" He looked around the room to see all three doctors, a couple of policemen, and both nurses all standing by with concerned looks on their faces.

Doc looked down at him and smiled slightly. "What have we here?"

Kronos looked up at him, shivering violently, and said again "I-I feel sick, but-it can't be, I'm Immortal!"

"Hmmn, let me consult with my fellows. Just lay still, dear brother, and I will see. In the meantime we need the nurses to take all your vitals and get some blood and urine sample for us to test", Doc Adams explained to him.

"All right, but hurry; please! I can't remember when I have felt this badly!"

Doc turned to Alex, who had done the late shift but who didn't quite want to go home and miss this, and Giles, who was trying his best not to laugh. The three of them stood in a corner, mumbling quietly to themselves. "What do you think, men? It is puzzling, him being Immortal", Doc Adams asked in a stage whisper.

Sarah Jo and Lilly then approached the naked immortal and stood by him. Sarah Jo reached out and patted him consolingly on his shoulder. "It will be ok dearie!" she says sweetly, pure honey in her soft southern draw. Lilly had to stifle a snort of laughter. She put on her best professional nurse's demeanor as she handed him a specimen cup. "Could you give us a urine sample, please? The doctors will want to examine it." she says innocently, with an angelic look on her face.

Kronos nodded his head weakly as shaking he struggled to sit up, and proceeds to fill it as well as he can right then and there with the two nurses watching him closely; knowing that if he tried to get up, he'd fall down, and too sick to care about modesty.

Sarah Jo then broke out a large gauge needle and brought it over to the table along with 5 tubes. "We are going to needing to be taking some blood samples too", she said in the same sweet drawl. Kronos turned white as he looked at the needle, then he groaned, and extended out his arm, closing his eyes tight. The two nurses had to suppress a giggle as Lilly tied the elastic around his arm and Sarah Jo expertly inserted the needle, and then very slowly, filled up the five tubes completely with his blood.

Giles got himself under control enough to note, "Do you think he's become mortal? I heard some of the gods around here could do that."

"Hey," Alex brightens, "that might be it, you know! I heard . . ." Doc shushed his young colleague as if he had said too much. His eyebrows knitted in warning, and Giles took a deep breath to contain a snort of laughter. The three of the lowered their voices again as they huddled in conference.

By that time, Kronos was feeling even weaker than before, and managed to lay back down on the table, still shivering violently, and groaning softly once again as Lilly placed a blood pressure cuff on his arm, pumping it up so tight he thought it was going to break his arm.

Carefully, or so it seemed, Doc called Mullard over. "Do you think you could ask Rayden a question for us?" he asked, loud enough for Kronos to hear but ostensibly in a whisper. Kronos, shaking and weak though he was, opened his eyes and looked alarmingly at Doc upon overhearing this. Doc looked over at him as the two nurses patted his shoulder. "Dear brother, you just relax. You've just given blood", he said gently. Not knowing what to think about what he had heard, Kronos just closed his eyes, groaning once again

Mullard carefully suppresses the laugh that is so near the surface. "Certainly. What would you like me to ask?" Again, Doc makes a show of shushing the speaker.

"I need to know if he's been making Immortals..well, mortal", he said with a worried tone to his voice. Kronos' eyes opened once again, now looking panicky as he heard this, and he stared at Doc like a scared five year old.

"Did we get all the samples we need?" Alex asked. Lilly told him they were still working on it. She glanced over at her fellow nurse who had a very wicked twinkle in her eye and almost broke out in laughter again.

Mullard had to turn away so Kronos couldn't see the smirk on his face. "I'll find out right away." He turned to leave, his sides starting to ache with suppressed laughter. Then he and his partner stationed themselves outside the room along with Toni who had been watching and listening to all this with glee.

Again Doc soothed the distraught K'immie. His face didn't break, and Giles envied him. HE had to turn around and busy himself with the samples. There were tears in his eyes from suppressing the laughter.

The two nurses made soothing noises as they took his blood pressure again and had him open his mouth wide so Sarah Jo got take saliva samples. Kronos was such a bundle of misery by now, he didn't notice anything was amiss - he just wanted it to end!

The doctor continued to discuss his case with words such as xrays, upper and lower gi, barium enemas and stomach pumping being said just a little louder so Kronos would be sure and hear them. "So, Alex said, "has anyone gotten his temp yet?"

"Just gonna do that right now, Doc" Sarah Jo said brightly as she produced a thermometer. When Kronos opened his mouth for her to place it in there, she shook he head and chuckled. "Sorry, honeybunch, this here is the other kind of thermometer. Why don't you turn over for us now and lay real still." All Kronos could do was groan in agreement as he was turned gently onto his stomach, and he closed his eyes once again in total misery only to open them in shock as Lilly squirted some on that cold ultrasound lubricant on his butt.

"Good," Alex said cheerfully as he held the chart in his hands. "Once you are done we will admit him for more tests." No way was he going home now! " Just give me all his vitals, Lilly". Alex said importantly as he held pen to paper expectantly. Giles was still turned away and Doc was making soothing noises to his *patient*.

Lilly gave him the information he asked for and then tisk, tisked them. "Doctors, don't you think we should be discussing this poor man's case elsewhere?" Giles, Doc and Alex all turned and watched the two nurses work in what was now undisguised glee.

Kronos felt himself being positioned. Then he felt something that he assumed was a thermometer being inserted into his rectum; figuring it would be over soon. He just laid there and waited for them to remove it and check his temperature. But Sarah Jo patted his shoulder again as said sweetly to him, "Now sugar, this has to stay in for awhile. You just stay real still now. We'll be right back, yah hear?" With that they all left the room to let him sleep the potion off.

Kronos was almost comatose by now, so he never noticed the flashes of light, heard the click of the shutter, or even noticed Toni entering and leaving the room. When she was done she joined the others well down the hall before they all collapsing in hysterical laughter.

Kronos had been sleeping peacefully and snoring loudly, when suddenly he felt a large stabbing pain in his ass cheek, and almost fell off the table in surprise. When he groggily opened his eyes, he saw Methos smirking down at him. "Greetings, Brother", Methos said with a cynical tone of voice.

"Methos, wha-what happened? I was so sick, and then something stabbed me in the ass, and...", and as he saw the syringe in Methos' hand, he looked up at him in shock and disbelief.

"Antidote. You know what I think? I think you're not used to pain, brother. You getting soft?" Methos chided.

As Kronos' head slowly cleared, his Immortal metabolism bringing the antidote into effectiveness quickly, he thought a moment, and then asked "Antidote? For what?"

"Minor trifle. Just something I picked up as a doctor in the Amazon." He showed him the crumpled dart. "Nice, isn't it? And compact. But useless now. You used up all the poison."

Kronos slowly realized that he had been duped by everyone who had been involved in this little play. His strength returned to him rather quickly, as he roared "What?". He jumped up off the table, shaking with anger now and he faced Methos; suddenly realizing he was completely nude, and his sword was nowhere to be seen.

"Looking for this?" Methos asked, bringing out his sword. He menaced the other Immortal's privates. "Hmn, wants trimming."

Kronos stood as still as he possibly could, with his crown jewels in direct danger of leaving his body, and, forcing himself to calm down, said "Now, brother, you wouldn't do that...why would you? I've done nothing to you."

Methos grinned as he shifted the position of the sword just slightly. "Wouldn't you want to pass for a Jew, Brother?"

With Methos in control of this situation, Kronos had no choice but to grin in a sickly manner, and smile "Now Methos....there's no need for all that, if you would just tell me what I've done to anger you, I'm sure we can work it out as we have always done, hmm?"

"Still, I've always wanted to know. Will it grow back? Intellectual curiosity. And I couldn't do it to myself. This is the *perfect* opportunity, no?" Methos slowly advanced on him, the tip of the sword nudging the tip of an entirely different kind of sword on Kronos.

He had no choice but to back up, really starting to sweat in fear now, and asked, almost in panic, "Brother, please! Tell me what I've done, so I may make it right!"

"While I was away," Methos said slowly in that deeper, more menacing tone, "You went in and made a brute of yourself to Miss Katherine. Now, I KNOW that is your natural tendency. But I can't have the women around here being terrorized, now can I?"

And as realization dawned on Kronos, as he remembered all the "playing" he had done with Katherine, like a cat plays with a mouse. He smiled, still backing up until his back hit the wall and he could go no further, "Brother, please, I-I meant no harm; I would never really hurt the woman. It's just that she now runs the shop that my OIC owns, and I, well...I just thought we might come to some sort of mutual agreement, maybe something we might both even enjoy, given the chance. You do see I never meant anything by what I did, don't you? It was all in jest.", and he swallowed, as Methos raised the sword to his throat and touched his Adam's apple, ever so lightly.

Methos sighed, tilting his own head. "What the hell," he grinned, "Tempting, but a Q in here will wreck the place. I don't fancy you've learned your lesson, but remember, Brother. My plans just keep getting more intense. The next will be more fun than this."

Visibly relieved that Methos was letting him keep both his crown jewels and his head, he nodded, saying "Oh yes, brother; and thank you. I will remember."

Methos then waved his hand and everyone came back in, big grins on all of their faces. Sarah Jo had came in carrying his clothes and handed them to him. "I'm real glad yer feeling better, honeycakes!" she smiled brightly. She then whispered in his ear. "If you ever even look cross eyed at the Mamma Kat again, I'll make sure you never can use that *equipment* of yours again." There was something in her quiet tone of voice that made him shudder.

He gave her one of the sickly smiles, but said nothing. Methos was still standing there with the sword watching him intently, so he began to dress. He then took his sword and left in a huff, saying nothing to anyone as he stomped out the door.

Early the next morning Kronos got up and found a copy of the town's newspaper by his front door. He opened it up and glanced at the front page, and then did a double take. Staring in horror at the picture that covered almost all of the first page, his resulting roar was heard all over SimsCity. It was a picture of him laid out stomach down, his naked rear drawn up like a baby with its rectal temperature being taken as he slept on unaware of what a lovely picture he was making. Instead of the thermometer, a bright pink carnation is sticking out perkily from his rear. The collective laughter of the whole town resounded along with every single person that had been involved in this little scheme as they too perused their own copies of the daily paper with the bold headline splashed across the top of the page,

"THE END OF TIME GETS IT IN THE END!"