New Computer Viruses
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COLIN POWELL VIRUS              Makes its presence known but doesn't do
                                anything.

HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS           Files disappear, only to reappear
                                mysteriously a year later in another
                                directory with no trace of the reason.

BOB DOLE VIRUS                  Could be virulent but it's been around
                                too long to be much of a threat.

AT&T VIRUS                      Every three minutes it tells you what
                                great service you're getting.

MCI VIRUS                       Every three minutes it tells you that
                                you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS       Never identifies itself as a "virus,"
                                but instead refers to itself as an
                                "electronic micro-organism."

ROSS PEROT VIRUS                Activates every component in your
                                system, just before the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS               It could be a great virus but it refuses
                                to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS                Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENAGGER VIRUS     Terminates and stays resident. It WILL
                                be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS                Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer,
                                but you can't figyour out watt!!
                                (Spellchocker still werks though...)

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS      Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
                                software says everything is fine.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS        Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
                                little units, each of which does
                                practically nothing, but all of which
                                claim to be the most important part of
                                your computer.

TEXAS VIRUS                     Sure it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM & EVE VIRUS                Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS             The computer locks up and the screen
                                splits in half with the same message
                                appearing on each side of the screen.
                                The message says that the blame for
                                the gridlock is caused by the other side.

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS           You're in L.A. but your data is in Tokyo

PBS VIRUS                       Your programs stop every few minutes to
                                ask for money.

ELVIS VIRUS                     Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy,
                                then self-destructs, only to surface at
                                shopping malls and service stations across
                                rural America as a clone.

SEARS VIRUS                     Your data won't appear unless you buy
                                new cables, a re-built power supply and a
                                set of shocks (satisfaction guaranteed or
                                your money back).

HEALTH-CARE VIRUS               Tests your system for a day, finds
                                nothing wrong, then sends you a bill for
                                $4,500.

ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS           Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.

MONICA LEWINSKY VIRUS           Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

TITANIC VIRUS                   Makes your whole computer go down.

DISNEY VIRUS                    Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

MIKE TYSON VIRUS                Quits after one byte.

PROZAC VIRUS                    Screws up your RAM but your processor
                                doesn't care.

SHARON STONE VIRUS              Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget
                                it's there.

LORENA BOBBIN VIRUS             Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

TIM ALLEN VIRUS                 Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive
                                upon contact.

WOODY ALLEN VIRUS               Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a
                                daughter card.

SADDAM HUSSEIN VIRUS            Won't let you into any of your programs.

TONYA HARDING VIRUS             Turns your BAT files into lethal weapons.

GEORGE MICHAELS VIRUS           Runs its course, occasionally releasing
                                excess data buildup.

JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS           Only attacks minor files

X-FILES VIRUS                   All your Icons start shape shifting

SPICE GIRL VIRUS                Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

RONALD REAGAN VIRUS             Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored

DR. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS        Searches your hard drive for old files and
                                deletes them.

MARTHA STEWART VIRUS            Takes all your files, sorts them by category
                                and folds them into cute little doilies to be
                                displayed on your desktop.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS             Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
                                and then slowly expands to 300MB.