The Rules of Fizzbin
The most complex card game you'll ever play
Kirk's description of Fizzbin: It's a game played on Beta Antares IV. It's a real game, a man's game. Of course, it's probably a little bit beyond you: It requires intelligence. The cards on Beta Antares are a little different, but not too different.
Remember the 8th Ferengi Rule of Acquisition: Small print leads to large risk.
000) Each person gets 6 cards, except the player on the dealer�s right, who gets 7. The second card dealt is turned face up, except at night, when it is face down. (Dark or night is defined as being the sunset time and before the sunrise time of the city in its own time zone.) On Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday, the cards in the pile cannot help you, but can only hurt you. On Friday, they can only help you. On Saturday and Tuesday, they can both help and hurt you.
001) Anything with the word �Fizzbin� in it can only be made by cards in your hand when you count. All others may be made by cards in your hand plus cards in your pile.
1) Corbomite: (Having nothing) You receive 5 points.
2) Sralk: (3 of a kind) On any day when it is light, having a sralk disqualifies you from the next hand, except on Tuesday�s, when it is worth nothing. But, when it is dark, a sralk gives you 30 points, unless you have already had two sralks, in which case your opponent gets 30 points.
3a) Getting a Fizzbin or Royal Fizzbin cannot make you win.
3b) Half-Fizzbin: (A pair) With any half-fizzbin, you will need to get either a king and a deuce, except at night, when you need a queen and a four. If you get either of these, you get 15 points. If you just get the pair, you will get 5 points.
3c) Fizzbin: (Two pair, and all the rest of the cards� suits are all the same. Ex: 2 of clubs, 2 of diamonds, with all other cards being in hearts) If you get a fizzbin, your opponent loses 20 points.
3d) Royal Fizzbin: The odds of getting a royal fizzbin are astronomical. (It can only be received if you are the person that is on the dealer�s right because it requires 7 cards. It is having 3 pair consisting of 10�s, Jack�s Queen�s, Kings, and Aces, with the 1 remaining card of a different suit than the suits in the card of the pairs. Ex: Queen of clubs, Queen of diamonds, Ace of hearts, Ace of diamonds, King of clubs, King of hearts, with the other card being any spade.) Getting a royal fizzbin gives you 100 points.
4a) Slink: (2 pair) All your opponents lose 10 points.
4b) Stink: (3 pair) You lose 20 points, except on Friday, when it will render your opponents� hand useless. However, if it�s dark on Tuesday or Sunday, you are disqualified from the next hand.
4c) Shrink: (4 pair) You get 20 points, except on Friday when it�s dark, when you get 30 points, unless, of course, it is dark on Saturday, when your opponents� hands are doubled.
5) Slunk: (4 of a kind) You have the right to disqualify for the entire game an opponent of your choice.
6) Slunk-Sralk: (4 of a kind plus 3 of a kind) You may use any cards in your hand and in your pile. You are disqualified and you earn the right to disqualify any opponent of your choice.
7) Dink: (A pair with all the rest of the cards being of different suits than the pair. Ex: 4 of diamonds, 4 of
hearts, 8 of spades, 10 of spades, Queen of clubs, Jack of spades) A Dink gives you 10 points.
8) Stonk: (All cards of the same suit.) You lose, except on Wednesday, when you get 40 points, unless you�ve had a fizzbin or a royal fizzbin, where you lose 50 points. But if you have had a fizzbin or a royal fizzbin and it is Thursday, then you lose 30 points, except when it�s light, when you gain 20 points.
9) StupiSralk: (2X3 of a kind)
Sunday(Dark)--You lose 30 points
Monday(Light)--You get double the points that your opponent got in his hand
Monday(Dark)--Your opponent gets double his points
Tuesday(Light)--You gain 49 points
Tuesday(Dark)--You lose 49 points
Wednesday(Light)--You get 10 times the points your opponent got in his/her hand
Wednesday(Dark)--Your opponents get 10 times their hand
Thursday(Light)--You are disqualified for the next 4 hands
Thursday(Dark)--Your opponent/s is/are disqualified for the next 4 hands
Friday(Light)--If you can name 10 Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, you gain 30 points
Friday(Dark)--If you can recite 5 Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, your opponent/s lose 15 points
Saturday--Anyone named Dave wins
Getting this can�t make you lose or win. Failure to recognize this rule = -98points. Because you too stupid to get this hand, Dave can make up a rule instead of following the above.
10) Kronk: If you get a Jack of diamonds on with your last card, have gotten some type of fizzbin, and have also had corbomite, you get 25 points. However, if you have gotten a stonk or a sralk, you lose 15 points. But if you have gotten a stonk or a sralk on Thursday, you gain 5 points.
Other �Fascinating� Rules to the most complex card game ever known to mankind:
11) If the dealer neglects to remove the jokers and other useless cards, he loses 49 points.
12a) After the first 15 minutes in anyone�s Fizzbin career, he/she must use the official Fizzbin designations. If not, he/she loses 25 points for each infraction.
12b) If after playing fizzbin for an hour, if you want to clarify a rule in any way, you must give 10 of your points to each opponent.
13) If you make fun of Star Trek while playing Fizzbin, you are disqualified.
14a) You always tell time by the fastest watch.
14b) If you are playing at 2:00 P.M. or 1:00 A.M., the first person to make the rest of the opponents aware of this gains 25 points.
15a) Once someone �gives� you a card, you cannot pick it up and discard it into another person�s pile. Cards given to you will stick to you like a pair of Tiberian bats.
15b) Drawing, picking, and discarding must be done at the same time. Discarded cards must be placed face down until everyone has discarded.
16) You must end all fizzbin games. If the person who was supposed to be in charge of the score loses the sheet, he starts a new game with -80 points, except when it�s dark, when it�s -70, points. If it is Tuesday, he starts with 0.5 points.
17) Anyone named Dave always gets the benefit of the doubt. If not, he gets to make up a rule that is fair to him.
18) The object is, by getting fizzbins, royal fizzbins, and so on, to either get 100 points or to get all of your opponents to get -100 points. When you get -100 points, you our out of the game.
19) If you need the rules to be worded in a simpler form, you lack the intelligence required to play Fizzbin.
20) The order in which you go is as follows: 1: Discard 1 to any pile 2: Draw 1 card from the deck 3: Pick one card from any pile 4: Discard a card to any pile 5: Draw one more card and call.