CASSY V: DEALING WITH IT
By Rhondda Lake

Chapter 1.
-------------


Tammy woke to the incessant ringing of the phone by her bed. 

"Hello?" She rubbed a hand down her face and peered at the clock.
9am. 
 
Then she realized she wasn't alone in the bed and yesterday came
crashing back in on her. Tammy looked down at her sleeping friend.

She remembered last evening all too well.

                              *

Tammy had been trying to finish inking in the panels she had brought
home, but had to give up. Her nerves were affecting her and no body wanted
a sloppily inked comic book. She had given up and switched on the TV,
hoping for some mindless entertainment to take her thoughts away from her
best friend. Her best friend who had gone off at three the previous night
with her gun toting, severely strange boyfriend to track down a real life
Freddy Krueger. While channel surfing she saw the news. A shoot out in a
deli in Annapolis, one dead. Tammy had recognized Mulder's car pool car
right next to the front door. The world narrowed to that picture. One
dead... one dead... please God, I haven't been to church in a long time...
but please not Cassy. 

She had begun to call the hospitals when the front door opened, and
Cassy came in, supported between Mulder and a woman Tammy's size. She
dropped the phone and ran to her friend. The borrowed sweater she had worn
out the previous night was heavily crusted with blood, her hair was stiff
with it, There was a dark bruise on her chin just behind her jaw. Her eyes
were glassy. She had never looked better. She was alive.

"What happened?" Tammy guided them to bring Cassy to the bathroom,
she obviously needed a bath.

"He's dead." Mulder had told her flatly. No need to ask who. 

Tammy looked to the redhead she had never met, but whom she assumed
was Mulder's partner. "So why is she like this?"

"There was a struggle. I think she tried to attack him emotionally
while she was wrestling for his gun. He had his gun under her chin, he was
going to kill her..."

"And I blew his fucking head off. Anything else you need to know?"
Mulder finished for his partner.

Oh God, he'd killed a man, violently, so close to Cassy. Her poor
mind... The blood on her wasn't hers, it was the madman's. Was it only
blood? Tammy swallowed hard. 

"It's mostly medication." The redhead assured her. "She was suffering
a massive headache, enough that the doctors actually gave her Demorol."

"I'm ok Tammy. Really." Cassy's words sounded like they were forced
through cotton. 

"Was it only a reaction headache?" Tammy stood before her doped
friend in the bathroom. "Give me a hand you two. Mulder, I think this
sweater should be burnt." 

Tammy unceremoniously pulled the stiff garment off Cassandra, her
friend's hair stuck to it in places. Tammy winced.

"You want us to help you clean her up?" Scully, yah that was the name
of Mulder's partner if her memory wasn't pulling tricks on her, said.

"Look, she's a girl, nothing you have not only seen before, but you
have a set of everything she does, and I harbor no illusions that there is
anything under this mess that Moldy there hasn't seen before either, up
close an personal. I need help getting her out of these clothes and into
the tub. I can take it from there."

"I can do it m'self." Cassy tried to unbutton her jeans, but the
button seemed to elude her fingers.  Maybe because they were not doing
what she told them to do.

"Umm hmmm. Looks like it." Tammy passed the ruined sweater to Mulder.
He looked at it strangely, as if it were some alien Rosetta Stone handed
over for him to decode. As if staring at the dried blood patterns would
unravel the mysteries of the universe.

"Wake up Moldy. If you don't want to help in here go into the kitchen
and put some water on to boil. She can probably use some hot tea in her
stomach."

Tammy noticed that Scully was very efficient at undressing a mostly
inert body. The redhead's blue eyes met Tammy's briefly. "I'm a doctor." A
faint smile teased the corners of her mouth before a frown of
concentration replaced it.

Mulder was gone from the doorway by the time Tammy and Scully had
managed to get Cassy into the tub. Cassy herself was of little help, she
had managed to fall asleep. 

"He looks shaken up too. Must be if he moved away from this
spectacle. I bet he's always wanted to see two women undressing another."
Tammy winced at the pink color the hot water had taken on as she poured
water from a cup over Cassy's head.

"We're all pretty shaken. It was not a good night."

"Did you manage to find the kid?" Tammy had been half afraid to ask
that question. 

"Yah, she's safe, at home with her parents." Scully sat on the toilet
bowl, watching Tammy gently wash Cassy with clinical efficiency. "You've
done this before." 

"Yep, and that's why I knew I'd need help undressing her, and lifting
her out of here when we're done. Last time though she was drunk into a
stupor and had puked down her front. Ahhh, college days." 

Cassy had roused enough to help them get her out of the tub. Tammy
ran the shower over her, making sure there were no traces of violence left
on her friend. The bruise she couldn't help.

Once wrapped in a robe Tammy and Scully managed to herd Cassandra out
to the living room, where Mulder waited. There was a garbage bag by the
door, and Tammy assumed the vile sweater was inside it. 

"I'll finish the tea, Mulder." She used his real name mostly because
she could see that he was upset as well. Wrestling with his own demons.
How close had it come tonight? Had he ever killed anyone before? Tammy
didn't know the answer to either question for sure. "Would you please get
the rest of her clothes out of the bathroom and put them with that
sweater? They're hopeless."

Mulder had looked at her oddly for a moment, the shock of her being
polite maybe. But he had nodded and gathered the blood soaked garments
into the bag.

Chapter 2.
------------

"So how do you handle this sort of thing on a regular basis?" Tammy
had asked Scully.

"Training, good support, maybe a bit of numbness... and a healthy
dose of nightmares." As Scully plopped a tea bag into the mug of water on
the table Tammy noticed her bandaged wrists.

"And what happened to you?" 

"Bad run in with some duct tape." She sat down and pressed the mug of
tea into Cassy's hand. Cassy took it, but she wasn't really with it.
Wherever the Demorol had her mind... it wasn't on this planet right now.
"I'm Dana Scully by the way." When she was sure Cassy wasn't going to drop
the cup she held out her hand to Tammy.

Tammy smiled a took it. "Tamara Phillips. But you can call me Tammy.
Every one else does."

Mulder rejoined them and sat with his head in his hands. "There were
tests done at Mercy Hospital. Cassy suffered three instances of epileptic
seizures today. All brought on by psychic attacks. There may be... damage.
I don't know. The doctors said they doubt it, they released her after
all." He took a bottle out of his pocket. "They did put her on
Phenobarbital though. One a day."

Tammy took the bottle. Cassy had sipped some tea and had gone back to
sleep on the couch.

"This isn't your fault ya know." Tammy mumbled. She wasn't empathic,
but the whipped dog look on Mulder's face told her all she needed to know.
"When she was going through puberty she had two seizures. Only two, and no
medication was ever needed. Of course she had the annoying habit of
picking up what people were feeling right after those seizures. Until she
learned how to shield herself she thought she was going to go crazy."

"I put her into this danger. If these seizures... if her gift is
lost..."

Tammy put a hand on his shoulder. "Then life will go on, and she'll
be a mere mortal like the rest of us. She may even thank God. I don't
imagine being an empath is easy."

"But it would still be my fault." Mulder swallowed hard and looked at
the sleeping woman on the couch.

"Is he always this egotistical Dana?" The woman in question sighed
and nodded.

"Yes he is. The world is his responsibility. But that is enough of it
for tonight. Come on Mulder. You need sleep too. We all do. Leave Cassy
rest."

Dana Scully stood and pulled Mulder along with her. At the door she
turned. "It was nice meeting you Tammy. You don't seem at all like a pain
in the ass."

Tammy smiled at that and stuck her tongue out at Mulder, who didn't
respond. Oh well, she'd tried.

"Tell Cassy we'll have that talk whenever she's ready." That was what
he'd said in parting. 

Cassandra had roused herself by eight pm and cried. She shook as she
told Tammy about what she'd seen. Not with grief, but with rage. That
Boogie Man character had pissed her off more then any person had before.
Tammy supposed that that was a good thing. Feeling him die in front of her
was less of a blow. Cassy claimed she'd closed her eyes. She didn't see
him die. She saw Mulder aim, and knew the next heartbeat would mean either
her death or that of the man on top of her. She had heard the roar of
thunder in her ears and felt her face, chest and hair splattered with
something warm and wet. She told Tammy she couldn't force her eyes open,
the wetness just spread, and she heard Mulder calling her name. She'd
passed out. Thank God, she'd passed out. She didn't have to deal with a
visual reference. 

Cassy didn't want to be alone. So Tammy let her sleep in her room.
Both women in pajamas, she had held Cassy as she drifted off to sleep
again. 

Cassy would always be the sister that nature had denied her. Tammy
had lost her own twin at birth, and when she was six fate or God or Karma
had thrust five year old Cassandra Troy into her life. 
 
They had climbed the same trees, shared dolls, agonized over their
first periods, discovered boys all that and more together. And they were
always, ALWAYS there for each other when the other fell. 

                              *

The voice on the phone jarred her back to the present.  "Am I-
speaking to Miss Cassandra Troy?" The voice was one she didn't know.
Older, male.

"Ummm, No this is her roommate. Can I take a message?"

"This is Dr. Killian the Head Neurologist here at Mercy Hospital. I
have Ms. Troy's test results back and would like to see her as soon as
possible. Can she come in by ten thirty?"

Tammy swallowed hard, forcing saliva past the burning lump that had
lodged in her throat. 

"Yah..." Her voice was rough and cracked. "I'll make sure she's
there."

"Thank you." He hung up. Tammy stared dumbly at the phone for a
moment. The HEAD of the Neurology Department? That did not bode well at
all. She hung up her end of the phone and looked down at Cassy, tears
welling in her eyes.
************************

Tammy shook her friend's shoulder. "Cassy. Cassy get up."

Cassy opened her eyes. Their green at first pale, then darkening as
the events of the previous day rushed back into her memory. 

"Have you come out of orbit yet?" Tammy asked lightly.
 
"Oh yah, the Eagle has landed." Cassy sat up and rubbed at her
temple. "But my headache is almost gone."

"Well the Neurologist at Mercy just called. He wants to see you by
10:30. I've called us both off of work. Get dressed."

Cassandra winced. "My headache's coming back..."

"Mulder told me to remind you two are supposed to talk tonight.
Sounds ominous."

Cassandra nodded. "It's definitely back. Tammy, I don't want Mulder
to know one way or the other what this doctor tells me this morning. He
found out... well I realized yesterday... I'm in love with him Tammy." She
slipped out of the bed and rooted around for some clothes. "The feeling isn't
mutual. Not to the degree it should be. He doesn't know it yet but... he's
in love with his partner." She wiped away a stray tear. "And it's real and 
deep, and not something I should come between. He'd end up hating me, 
and I'd resent him."

"What!?" Tammy stood, hands on hips. "You mean to tell me he's
comfortable of having you as his sexual plaything, while he's wanting 
to screw his partner?"

"Can it Tammy. You don't know what he's been through. Even I don't
know all of it. I don't think he's ever share all of it with me. It's over, 
Tammy. And it hurts like hell. I don't want our talk tonight tinged
with pity. Or on his misplaced feelings of guilt."

"Cassandra..." Tammy shook her head in disbelief, "He doesn't deserve
you. Not if he can't appreciate you."

"You're right. He doesn't." The smile was weak. "But I still love him."

Tammy held her while she cried.
    
Chapter 3.
-------------------------

Dana looked across the desk at her partner. He'd come back from his
scheduled meeting with the departmental counselor and set to work filling
out reports on his computer, all without a word.

Now she had no doubt that he'd played a wonderful game of word tag
with the counselor, most liking confusing the man completely. But the fact
that he hadn't commented on it had her concerned. That he hadn't spoken at
all so far today had every alarm in her system going off. Usually he'd at
least gloat a little about having a battle of wits with an unarmed
opponent.

She shoved aside her own report and folded her hands on her desk. "Ok
Mulder, spill."

"What do you do when you trip while holding a drink? I'll take English
Litterateur for 200 Alex."

"How about Silent partners for 500?" She sighed, "Look you are usually
only this quiet when you're obsessing over a new case or engrossed in one
of those tapes behind door number two."

"Well today there isn't much to talk about." He tried to appear
engrossed in the receipts he needed for his expense report. 

"Don't forget to charge for that sweater." Scully knew she'd hit a
mark when his fingers paused a few moments over the keys. 

"Think I could get away with claiming it was cashmere?" He began
typing out rows of numbers again.

Scully winced. He was actually hiding in paperwork. Not good. Not good
at all. Time to try pushing a bit more. "Why not, you can claim Cassy's
underwear came from Fredrick's of Hollywood and really make out."

Again that slight pause. "I'll need her sizes for that. I don't think
Accounting will accept the measurement, That big or a little more." He
cupped his hands before him in an invisible grope.

Ok so it was Cassandra Troy bothering him. No surprise as the last
time they'd seen her she was napping off some Demoral after cleaning up a
particularly gory mess. 

"I'm sure she'll be fine Mulder." Scully found herself tapping a
pencil against her desk. "She's a strong woman."

"I'm not worried about it." He picked through some receipts,
apparently looking for something not there. 

"You've never lied to me before." She scowled at him.

"I don't lie..."

"Well I don't deserve a campaign of disinformation either. Look
whatever is bothering you is affecting you HERE, that makes it my problem
as much as yours."

"It's just my problem Scully, stay out of this one." Mulder couldn't meet
her eyes. He wasn't about to tell her she was the center of this.

Scully shook her head. "Not this time. Come on. It's late, but I'll
take you to lunch."

"Ahh bribery. I'm insulted. I thought my deep, dark, secrets would be
worth more then a burger and fries." He looked up at her. His eyes pleading
her to let it drop.

She managed not to smile with an effort. At least he was throwing up
his humor defenses. But he wasn't getting out of this with a pleading look.

Lunch wasn't hamburgers, but hotdogs from a vendor in the park. They
sat on a bench eating in silence for a while. 

"So what is it now Mulder? You've killed men before, and Carl Thies
left you no choice. So I really doubt that's it." She looked at her
partner's profile as he looked out across the park as if in deep study of
the architecture of the Museum of Natural History.

"It's Cassy." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Oh. Has she developed a third eye... nope, she already had one in a
manner of speaking. Does she suddenly repulse you? Smell bad?"

"She loves me." He made the statement as if it were some damning
confession.

"Oh then I see the problem. After all having a lovely, intelligent
person love you is one of the worst curses in the universe. Do you love
her?" 

Mulder winced. There was nothing wrong with having a beautiful, 
intellegent woman love you. But in this case it was the wrong one.

He chose to avoid that part of it. "I know when I saw that guy struggling 
with her my insides twisted, when he shoved that gun under her chin... 
my world narrowed down to that one scene, I still can't get it out of my 
head. The only thing that frightened me as much that night was the thought 
of loosing you again. Not the fire, not anything. When I care about people, 
it's like painting this big target on their back. There's this neon sign over their 
heads saying, 'This one here, rip this one out of his life.' Look at my track record. 
Sam, YOU, Kristen." 

Scully winced at the third name. This whole conversation shredded at her insides,
but if he loved Cassandra, then he deserved that happiness. At least Cassy was
likeable.

"But I'm still here, and we WILL find Sam again." She touched his
hand to lend strength to that assurance. "When you look to the future, do
you want to see Cassy in it?" This relationship was the first she knew of
that had any effect on Mulder's work, at least while she was around. From
what she'd pried out of him about Kristen Kilar that short relationship
managed to completely erode his professionalism. Even this one hadn't
affected his job until yesterday. And she was the one to keep pushing him
to 'get a life.' How was she to know she'd regret that?

"No. I want to. I try. But... she's not who I see in my future.  She has no idea
what being involved with me would put her up against. And I don't think she 
can handle it. I'm not sure I want her to."
Chapter 4.
----------------

Scully swallowed the last bit of her lunch and looked at him with
heartfelt understanding. Hadn't she had the same thoughts? Weren't those
same fears partially responsible for the fact that she HADN'T had any kind
of real relationship in three years? But this wasn't her, it was Mulder.
And right now he needed her support. She managed to bring up a smile. His
words, while round about, had given her the answer she sought.

"Look Mulder, if we allow these people to completely shut us off from
everyone around us then we are letting them win. We are letting them run
our lives. You deserve a little bit of happiness. We both do. I can't tell you
what to do, but don't let this job come between you and Cassy. She's a brave 
woman."
     Mulder managed a smile at that. "But she's the wrong woman." He 
refused to look at her. "What if I'm... involved with someone else?"

Scully swallowed hard and tried to still her rapid heartbeat. "Then
Cassy deserves to know that, as well. So... are you going to talk to Cassy?"

"Yah, tonight. Wish me luck."

"Good luck. Well, do you think you can face the office for a few 
more hours?"

Mulder gave her a lopsided grin. "I have to. Do you think you can
face a few more hours of me like this?"

"I have to put up with you for longer then that." She stood to deposit 
their garbage in the wire wastebasket.

                              *

Tammy looked up from her current project to see Cassandra carefully
looping bits of chainmail together. She'd measure each link, clip it with
wire cutters, loop it around the cylinder to make each circle a uniform
size then pinch it closed. It was a tedious, mindless task and Tammy knew
she was only doing it because it occupied her hands, and allowed her mind
to go carefully blank. She'd put off those repairs for months before.

Tammy looked back to her storyboard. Her own efforts were not her
usual best. The comic book heroine she was inking almost ended up lopsided
twice. At least her supervisor allowed her to do some of this at home.
She'd still be making money today. The past two days were bound to put a
crimp in Cassy's budget.

"What time are you going downstairs?" Tammy capped her pens and began
returning them to their designated places in her art box.

"Eight o'clock would be best. Unless he calls or comes here first."
Clip, bend, loop, pinch. "I figure I should give him time to get unwound
from work, and time to eat." Measure, clip, bend, loop, pinch.

"You are hiding. I've known you long enough to see how upset you are.
Come on Cassy, why can't you just admit that you're afraid?" Tammy slid
the storyboard into it's protective case and carried her supplies to the
wooden cabinet that stored those tools and others.

"I'm scared shitless Tammy." Loop, pinch, measure, clip. "I've never
felt this way before. The few times I thought I had paled beside this. But 
I also know I'm wrong for him. I know after tonight it's over. So yes 
I am afraid. I am angry. What else do you want me to say? Remember
the Serenity Prayer? I've been chanting it in my head like a mantra since
we walked into Dr. Killian's office this morning. So far it isn't helping
much." She lay aside the wire cutters and the pliers then smoothed over
the chainmail shirt with her hand, making sure the repaired area fell
right. "Not emotionally anyway. However intellectually I know it is the
best course of action."

"So..." Tammy took her slender dress sword out of the closet, pulling
it free of the scabbard. "Do you want me to go down there and carve him up
some for you if you come back here tonight in tears?"

Cassandra smiled and shook her head. "No thanks. I can do my own
carving thank you very much. Besides I believe that 'assault on a Federal
Officer' carries a pretty hefty sentence."

"You should have remembered that one before you punched him." Tammy
winked as she slid her sword home in it's black scabbard.

Cassandra felt herself blush again. "I feel bad enough about that
Tam. I usually work out my aggressions on the practice field."

Tammy nodded. "I noticed you do seem to be handling having Mulder
kill a man right in front of you a lot better then I thought."

"I'm not an idealistic moron Tam, it was him or me. I know that. I'm
damn glad *I'M* still alive. That man was a monster. I can't make myself
feel bad about it. Although the sensation of the incident may well haunt
my nightmares for a while."
 
"Well if you are going to wait until eight, we might as well start on
dinner. How about Chicken Kiev, potatoes au gratan and a ceaser salad?"
 
Cassandra shrugged. "I doubt I'll be very hungry so whatever you
want." She hung the mail shirt on a heavy hanger in the closet. 

"You have to eat. To look devistatingly gorgeous for the next lucky man
to come along so Mulder can eat his heart out." Tammy dodged the decorative 
pillow thrown in her direction. She laughed then quickly became serious. 

"You should tell him about our trip to the hospital today Cassy.  He
was really worried about this. I think he has a right to know."

"Yeah. I don't want him thinking I blame him for anything more then
my broken heart."

Chapter 5.
---------------------------------------------


Mulder tossed his suit coat and tie over the back of the closest
chair before grabbing a bottle of aspirin from the surprisingly well
stocked medicine cabinet in his bathroom. It was positioned right between
the box of disposable bic blades and the prescriptions for antibiotics and
pain killers he seemed to always have on the ready.

In his kitchen he forced himself to nuke a left over piece of pizza.
He decided against a beer. He needed a clear head tonight, or as clear a
head as he could manage. The only other thing in the fridge was three cans
of Coke.

He ate the pizza without really tasting it, then downed three aspirin
with a full can of Coke.

His apartment had been 'debugged' last week. A service The Lone Gunman
provided based partly on friendship, partly for their own security, and
partly because he allowed Frohike to borrow whatever tape he wanted after
the service was done. The fact that they had found bugs on several
occasions only assured him that his intense paranoia was well grounded.
Tonight he set a small box about the size of a walkman on the table by his
window. He'd borrowed this little piece of security for tonight only. It
was able to detect an outside listening device aimed at the apartment. The
light on top remained green. Good. He wanted privacy for whatever was said
tonight.

He debated going upstairs and getting this whole evening over with,
but ended up staring blankly at the TV eating seeds more out of reflex
then desire, and washing them down with the second can of cola.

                              *

Cassandra hadn't felt this nervous outside of his door since that
night almost eight months ago when she had come down here to talk to him
about how she entered his dreams. It took every ounce of her will to rap
on the wood.

The door opened to reveal Mulder. He had his suit coat and tie off,
but he was still dressed in one of his dress shirts and suit pants.

"Come on in." He moved back into his apartment, leaving her to close
the door. 

She followed him into his living room. but did not sit down. "Mulder
why are you afraid of me?"

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Because you managed to
throw me for quite a loop yesterday."

"And because you don't feel the same."

"I wish you'd stop that. Empathy gives you a very unfair advantage."
He glared at her.

"I was always taught to press any advantage." She shrugged, angered
by his glare. He was being defensive. "But I don't need to read  you to 
know how you feel about... her." Cassy raised her hand to silence him.
"I'm not a fool. I can't compete, and I really don't think I should try
to. I love you, yes," she heard the tremor in her own voice, "but that 
isn't enough. I can't love enough for both of us. I... I deserve better. I
Deserve someone who can return the feeling."

Mulder nodded, sadly. His face wore that lost puppy look that so 
captivated  her. "I know you do. Cassy... You are a wonderful, beautiful 
young woman.  And you do, you deserve a relationship where you 
come first. I just can't..."

"I know." Cassy reached out and took his hand. "But do me a big favor 
here, Mulder. Don't make my walking away from you for nothing. 
Tell her. I know how much you value honesty. It's time you be honest 
as well. Because... you deserve happiness too. You're a good man, 
Fox Mulder. And I want to know  that you are going to be all right. 
You need looking after." She squeezed his hand and smiled through 
the tears. "I think Dana is up to the job. And she might surprise you. 
I'm an empath. I catch these things." 

She released his hand. "I still am, you know. An empath. The doctor 
called this morning. My brain waves are still off the scale. Nothing
irreperable."

He hugged her then and she squeezed back. Caught in the closeness.
Breathing in his scent, memorizing the feel of him against her. Then, 
she let go.

"I'm not letting you chase me out of my apartment, Mulder. I'll be right
upstairs if you need me. As a friend. You don't have many, and I think 
need all the friends you can get." 

With that she slipped out the door.

Mulder looked at the door for a long moment. Something within his chest
ached. He was surprised to feel wetness on his cheek. He swiped at the
offensive dampness and moved back to sit on his couch. 

He reached for the phone and dialed quickly.

"It's me. I think we need to talk."

**********************************

Cassandra slipped in the door and saw Tammy's pitying look. It made
her feel sick.

"It's ok. I'll live. Broken hearts do heal, you know."

Tammy nodded and gave her a hug. "I'll refrain from the ‘I told you so'
speech. Why don't you go take a long hot soak in the tub. I'll make us 
some tea. Tomorrow we'll go have some fighter practice and I'll
let you beat the crap out of me."

"Gee, thanks." Cassy wiped at her eyes. "The bath sounds good, though."

The phone rang just as Cassy passed the table on the way to the bathroom.

"Hello."

"Miss. Troy. This is Assisstant Director Skinner. I'm calling to thank you
for your help yesterday and see how you're recovering? I hope Mulder 
isn't pushing you too hard." His voice sounded terse. Cassy wondered if he 
ever unclenched his teeth.

"I'm fine. I've managed to retain all my faculties. And Mulder isn't... we 
decided things just weren't working out. So you don't have to worry 
about him dragging me to work with him or anything. Thank you for your
concern."

"I'm glad to hear you won't be suffering any lasting damage on the Bureau's
behalf. And Miss Troy... Mulder is a fool." The soft click was all the 
good bye she got. 

She smiled softly to herself and hung up the phone. 

A hot bath awaited.

The End.