~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conversations with Skinner are, needless to say, brief. Sometimes 'brief' doesn't even cut it. Don't get me wrong, he's an interesting person and I respect him, but he's not exactly the type of person you can sit down and talk about the weather with. After Scully and I got home, Skinner came to see us. He looked at us with something I've never seen in his eyes before. Usually, I see little emotion through the glare of his glasses lenses, but this was something anyone could see. He had come to say hello and make sure we'd be all right, then he left. Scully and I thought nothing of it.
That night, I went to Scully's bedside. I just knelt next to her, arms resting on the mattress, and watched her. The frostbite was still there, red and purple, on her cheeks. It took up her face, like little abrasions that invaded her pale ivory skin. It was a reminder of things that happened in the past, but it was only a reminder none the less. Nothing permanent. It would heal with time. A lock of red hair sat loosely on her forehead, curling slightly at the end. With gentle fingers, I brushed it away, studying her face with curiosity and awe. This woman never ceases to amaze me. Nearly six years together, and there isn't a day that goes by when I don't sit back and look at her in complete fascination. I love everything about her. From her hair color that changes year to year, to those clunky shoes she wears to try to look taller. She's tall enough for me....she's perfect, in every sense of the word. I watched as she breathed, slowly, deeply while she dreamt. I hoped her mind was filled with images of happiness, comfort, and peace. The past three or four days of hell have been enough to last a lifetime. If I were a religious man, I would have prayed for eternal peace for her. Instead, I did the next best thing: hope really, really hard for it. I stood up and gently brushed my lips on the skin of her forehead and left the room. I bumped into Skinner as soon at I stepped out the door. He looked at me, more surprised to see me than I am to see him. I look down, realizing I wore only that stupid looking blue gown. Very masculine. I knew I blushed, I damned myself for it. Nothing better to have your boss see: you blushing in a stupid dress-like thing. He asked me how Scully was, and how I was.
"What are you doing here, sir? Its 10:30, I didn't expect to see you," I said, as we went next door to my hospital room. I sat down on the edge of my bed. He left the door open a crack, then sat in the chair in front of me.
"I just thought I'd drop by. I thought you'd both be awake, but I appear to have made the wrong assumption."
"Guess so. I should be asleep, too."
"Why aren't you?"
"I just want to make Agent Scully gets her rest. Watch over her a little bit," I said. He looked at me with that look again, and was silent for a moment.
"Mulder, how far are you going to go?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean....how far are you going to go in order to come for Scully?"
"As far as I have to," I replied. He nodded at me, his eyes unreadable through the glare of his lenses again.
"Why?" I asked after a moment. He sighed, clasping his hands together, leaning forward.
"Agent Mulder, you and Scully have a relationship that I've never seen before. Most partners are friends, but most don't end up going to Antarctica to save their partner."
"We're not like most partners, sir. Scully and I go beyond that."
"I know that. It just worries me, Agent Mulder....."
"What worries you?'
"What are you going to do if you can't get to her some day? Have you ever considered what might happen if you got there too late or if you never got there at all? How would you react?"
I was dumbfounded, appalled. "No, I haven't thought of that," I said quickly, "Why should I have to?"
"Because it could very easily happen, Agent Mulder. I've seen it. More than once. I've seen the sadness and the guilt. And I don't want to see it happen to you or Scully."
"Well, neither do I. And I'll never let it happen. Ever. I haven't let her get away from me that easily. I'm not letting her go," I replied.
"What if something happens to her that you had no control over?" he asked.
"What if a barn animal attacks her with a shovel?" I suggested in frustration. "A thousand bad, shitty things could happen to us. But I haven't let her down yet......" I said, my voice trailing off. Memories of Duanne Barry came back to me. I did let her down. Once. Even if she says I didn't, I still felt like I had. I was suddenly back at my dark apartment, listening in horror as Scully pleaded for me to help her on my answering machine.
"Agent Mulder?"
Skinner's voice rang in my ears. I looked up.
"I didn't mean to upset you. I apologize if-"
"No," I interrupted. "No, you're absolutely right. I've never thought of it....I don't want to. Scully is the most important person in my life. I can't think of work, or life, without her. It would be....dark....alone. Cold. My soul would be completely empty." I shuddered. "That only gives me more reason to do everything I can for her. I'd die for her in a second."
Skinner looked at me.
"You really care about her, Mulder. Everyone can see you love her. And she loves you."
I nodded. "Good. Then they know not to mess with me, or Scully'll kick their ass."
Skinner smiled.
"I'd probably better go. I'll probably drop in later this week."
"All right. Good-bye, sir," I said as he got up and went to the door. "Sir?" I asked. He turned to look at me, hand on the knob of the open door. "Thank you."
He nodded and left. At first, I thought Skinner had been trying to scare me or warn me about something. But then I realized he was only trying to prepare me for the future. Now it would be harder for us to watch each other's backs.
"Mulder?"
I looked up to see Scully standing before me, tied snuggly into a bathrobe. I smiled at her.
"Hey, Scully," I said softly. "Come on in."
She shuffled over to the bed and sat next to me. Her eyes were bright, but there was still a bit of tiredness in them. I looked at her and I could see something was bothering her.
"What is it, Scully?" I asked.
"I heard you," she said quietly. I stared at her. She looked up at me, with the same look Skinner had given me before. And I knew what it was now. Respect. Compassion. "I heard everything."
"Eaves-dropping, Agent Scully?" I asked, a smile on my lips.
"No....I went to check on you while. I thought you'd be asleep. I was standing right outside your door as Skinner pulled the door shut," she said. "I promise you, I feel the same way, Mulder."
"I know," I said, pulling her close. I love giving her hugs. She fits perfectly in my arms, her head tucked under my chin.
"Mulder?"
"Yeah?"
"And you're right, I'll kick anyone's ass that messes with you," she said. I laughed, enjoying the rare opportunity to hear Scully use profanity.
"Ditto," I replied, kissing the top of her head. She pulled away and smiled.
"I just....came in to check on you. Have you slept yet?"
"No," I admitted. She stood up and pushed me back onto the bed. I swung my legs up onto the bed, and she tucked me under the covers gently.
"Sleep, okay?"she asked. I nodded. "Good-night," she said, turning off the lamp above my bed. She bent down and barely touched her lips to mine, then turned and left the room. Leaving me in my room, wanting more.