May you be so close
Throughout the years
That when one cries,
The other tastes tears.
A. LeBlanc

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I can't get up.

I am glued to this damn couch for some reason. And there certainly must be something interesting about the wall I'm staring aimlessly at. I should seriously consider re-painting my apartment. This is the ugliest shade of yellow I've ever seen. My tailbone is starting to ache from slouching for a long period of time. I snap out of my trance when the ache becomes a startling pain, and I'm glad I was able to tear my eyes away from the cracked paint on the opposite wall.

I've been "in and out," so-to-speak, a lot lately. I know why, too. An old friend of mine called me recently. I haven't heard from him in nearly ten years, so needless to say, I was surprised. I briefly brought him up-to-snuff on my life. He was curious about "this partner of mine" and asked me to tell him about Scully, what I thought of her, how I would describe her. I found myself unable to answer that question. I was absolutely stumped- where do I start?

Scully is....by far, the strongest person I've met. A soul that is as tough as it is vulnerable. Her mind is as sharp and fast as a laser; it shows in her crystalline blue eyes. Those eyes....deadly weapons. They make you or break you. If you make a mistake, you *know*. Their color becomes a glazed, ice cold blue. They make you want to die from guilt and beg for forgiveness. But they are just one part of her arsenal. The arched eyebrow can make you feel really stupid or extremely frustrated. The warning tone can make you stop doing anything. But the one thing that no one can stand against, the one defense that will make you keel over in a heartbeat: her tears.

Scully's tears bring me to my knees faster than anything. And being allowed to hold her is my reward for falling before her. Its rare that she breaks down. She's solid as stone most of the time. Not physically. She's not cold and stiff. She's rigid, but certainly not snooty. She's just....Scully.

But the thing that amazes me about her most is her devotion. Regardless of how I have acted in the past, whether it be blowing up at her, crying, or leaving her behind, she's there. Just to make sure that I'm okay and I've got my head on straight. And after everything that's happened....I just can't believe how much I rely on her to be there with me. She's my savior, in a sense. And I could never express how much I care for her. So I just crack a few bad jokes and flash an occasional smile her way to let her know. And I know she understands, I see it. I feel it. So, as I thought of all that when my friend waited for my answer, I could only come up with one thing. I heard myself say in a strange tone of voice, "Scully is....everything." And after that, my wonderful friend drew his own conclusion.

"You have a big fat crush on her, don't ya, Mulder?"

I just laughed it off, quickly said goodbye, and hung up on him.