MURPHY'S LAWS

-     No good deed goes unpunished
-     Leakproof seals - will
-     Self starters - will not
-     Interchangeable parts - won't
-     There is always one more bug
-     Nature is a mother
-     Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
-     90% of everything is crud
-     If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it
-     Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong
-     All warranties expire upon payment of invoice
-     Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit
-     Never eat prunes when you are famished
-     Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate
-     If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it
-     A short cut is the longest distance between two points
-     You will always find something in the last place you look
-     The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is
      directly proportional to the cost of the carpet
-     No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought
      it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper
-     No one's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in
         session
-     The other line always moves faster
-     In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it
-     Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you
      thought
-     If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up
-     A $300.00 picture tube will protect a 10› fuse by blowing it first
-     If it jams - force it, if it breaks, it needed replacing anyway
-     Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the
      exact center
-     The repaiman will never have seen a model quite like yours before
-     When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will
      work perfectly
-     A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in
      his mouth
-     Everybody should believe in something - I believe I'll have another
      drink
-     Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it
-     Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work
-     In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompe-
      tence, and then remains there
-     You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the
      garbage truck is two doors away
-     The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but
      that's the way to bet
-     There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over
-     When in doubt, mumble, when in trouble, delegate
-     Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening
-     It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money
-     A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead
-     Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules
-     Everything east of the San Andreas Fault will eventually plunge into
      the Atlantic Ocean
-     Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
-     The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming
      train
-     Celibacy is not hereditary
-     Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself
-     Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone
-     To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression (Freudian psy-
      chology)
-     Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
-     A Smith & Wesson beats four aces
-     If everything seems to be going well, you obviosly don't know what
      the hell is going on
-     If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one
      will be at fault
-     In case of doubt, make it sound convincing
-     Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference