Star Wars Humor!

I've collected some of the coolest and funniest Star Wars stuff around - for your entertainment of course. As of yet, I haven't written any myself so, it's all nicked. Maybe in the future. All I can say is, there are some pretty ace Star Wars fans around!

Why did the chicken cross the road? (Star Wars Style)

YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great. VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side. LUKE: Crossing the road is one thing, this is.... totally different. LEIA: I don't know... but I have a bad feeling about this. HAN: Hurry up, colonel sanders, or you're gonna be a permanent resident! THREEPIO: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing the road. ARTOO: beep beep be bop. CHEWIE: Gwrrroooooaaaarrrrrrlllllll! BEN: Cross the road, chicken. Let go, chicken. Chicken - trust me. BOBA FETT: What if the chicken doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me! WEDGE: My scope shows the other side but it looks really far, are you sure you can cross it? JERJERROD: The chicken is crossing the road? We shall double our efforts. BIB: Die chicken wanga? BIGGS: At that speed, will you be able to cross in time? TARKIN: The regional governors now have direct control over their chickens. Fear will keep those chickens in line... fear of getting hit by a car! UNCLE OWEN: I told you to forget it. Your only concern is to cross that road. AUNT BERU: He can't stay here forever. Most of his friends have already crossed. It means so much to him. ADMIRAL ACKBAR: All chickens - prepare to cross the road on my mark LANDO: Why you slimy, no good, double-crossing chicken! You got a lot of guts crossing that road, after what you pulled! EMPEROR: Young fool. Only now, after getting hit by a car do you understand. JABBA: Bo shuda chicken!

The Imperial Rhapsody

(sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen)   Lando: This is the good life This is a fantasy Working on Bespin An escape from Reality.   Leia: Open your eyes Stand up to the guys and see.   Luke: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy 'Cos who's my dad, I dunno, Little whine, little moan.   Han: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me   Piett: Vader just killed a man. Raised an arm up in the air Now his life is no longer there. Vader, we had just begun, And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum. Vader, oooooooo. Did mean too make you mad If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow, There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened.   Yoda: Too late, my time has come, Sends shivers down my spine Body's aching all the time.   Luke: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force.   Piett: Vader, ooooooooooo, I don't wanna die I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.   Luke: I see a little silhouetto of a man Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor? Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me! R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH! I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me.   Rebels: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family. Spare him this life of such mundacity!   Han: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go.   Jabba: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go)   Han: Let me go!   Jabba: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)   Han: Let me go!   Jabba: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)   Han: LET ME GO!   Jabba: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!   Han: LET ME GO!   Jabba: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!   Han: LET ME GO!   Jabba: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!   C-3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.   Leia: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeee, for meeee. for MEEEEEEEEEE!   (Stormtroopers start head banging)   Luke: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine? But you cut my hand off and left me to die! Oh Vader can't do this to me, Vader. I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you.   Obi-wan: May the Force be with you. Use the Force to see. May the Force be with you, May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays.   Han: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter, to meeeeeeeeeee.

Star Wars Junkie Lists!

You wouldn't believe how many lists there are - I suppose being a Star Wars junkie is a common problem then. Oh well, it'll raise a laugh - if only because you know it's talking about you!

When you're looking through your drawer for that other black sock, you aid your search by telling yourself, "Lock on to the strongest power source, it SHOULD be the power generator." When riding your bike, you look behind you and accelerate wildly by pressing down on the petal with your right toe. You've ever pretended the orange in your lunchbox was a thermal detonator, and thought about using it to get a better price at the milk counter. You've made your Kenner Darth Vader figure a "proper" cloak out of cloth, to replace the cheap vinyl one he came with. You've kept the "good" action figures stored separately from the "bad" ones. Whenever you went anywhere outside with your friends, you always walked single file, to hide your numbers. You've written several letters to the Government recommending that he dissolve the council, put power in the hands of the regional governors, and let fear keep the local systems in line. In college, after several hours of poker, you got thrown our of the game for suggesting, "How about some sabacc?" You believe there really is a Lando System, they just haven't found it yet! You've ever called somebody "laserbrain' - and meant it. You've ever used fishing line to try the snow speeder tow cables maneuver on your cat. When you and a friend have been on one of those amusement park rides where you had to sit back to back, and you started calling him Dak and told him to stop whining about his approach vector. Whenever your mother asked you to baby-sit your little brother, you always instilled confidence by replying, "leave him to me. I will deal with him myself." When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remarked, "the Force is strong with this one." On Halloween, you would never dress as one of the following: Luke Han Solo Leia Vader Chewie Threepio Artoo However, you would dress as: Wedge Porkins Crix Madine that spider droid from Jabba's palace that fat dancer from Jabba's palace Sy Snootles Imperial Death Star firing officers (dorky hat patrol) Mos Eisley Cantina bartender The sewer monster Boba Fett! An Imperial probe droid You always kept a bowl filled with live three-legged frogs next to your bed, just in case you wanted a snack. As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always; "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard." You actually CAN move things with the Force. You've refused to enter a cave/cavern/tunnel without a handgun and a large stick. You've told the mall Christmas elf, "You will take me to Santa now." When someone had apologized to you, you choked him and told him that you accepted his apology. You've told people that you're fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. When you waited for a friend to catch up with you, you told him to hurry up or he'd be a permanent resident. The girl you've been going out with suddenly tells you she loves you and you said, "I know." You've bought Wing Commander III and/or IV just because Mark Hamill was in it! You've composed lyrics to the SW theme. You've tried to create your own Yoda puppet out of a green sock and some buttons. You have lightsaber dueled with cardboard tubes, rolled up periodicals, or common garden vegetables. When nobody else is around, you've seriously tried to draw something into your hand with the Force. You've used one of Solo's lines in an intimate situation. You've been pulled over by a policeman and when asked to see your drivers' license you replied, "You don't need to see my identification." You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confused Star Wars with Star Trek, or spelled Wookiee with only one "e." You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir, droids." You've referred to Wedge Antilles or Boba Fett as "The Man." Every time you put a glove on your right hand you say... "That's right, Artoo. We're going to the Dagobah System. I have a promise to keep to an old friend." You've ever found yourself in a chat room, training Jedi. You've tried to make your own lightsaber. You've gotten into a fistfight with a Trekkie. You've told family and friends that your children LOVE Star Wars, even though they really don't, just so you can play with the toys! You've bought a white Isuzu Trooper, strictly because of the name!