As many of you may have heard by now, certain State Departments of Corrections are having a few problems. They just can't seem to figure it out. I just happen to know a few people who work at a State Facility, and they have provided me with what they interpret to be the rules set forth by Administration. They say that they came to this conclusion since it appeared to be the way the Administration treats it's staff.

#1. The Inmate is always right.

#2. There will be Zero confrontations between Staff and Inmates.

#3. All Inmates are innocent.

#4. All Inmates are to be trusted.

#5. There are no Gangs, Just friendly groups of 'Home-Boys'. It is all a figment of your imagination.

#6. Inmates always tell the truth, refer to rule # 4.

#7. All rules will be strictly enforced, providing that the Inmate does not want to comply.
      (Refer to rules # 1, 2, 3, & 4)

#8. An Inmate has the right to refuse being shaken down. (Refer to rules # 2 & 3)

#9. Guards 'Just Say NO', Brass 'Just Say MAYBE', Administration 'Just Say YES', Inmates can say
      whatever they want to.

#10. The following mandatory posts are to be added to the Shift Roster ASAP. Lawnmower/Snow
        Removal Crews(as weather dictates), Captains Office Gopher, Towel Boy, Roof Crew, Fence
        Crew, Hooch (home made intoxicant) Crew, Goldenboy/Girl, Off Grounds Wal-Mart Shopper,
        Ceiling Crew, Inmate Denial Crew, Programs Crew, Suck-Up Crew, Inmate Relations Crew,
        Administrative Scapegoat, Postal Crew, Administrative Gopher, Broom Crew, Fog Crew, and
        Ice Crew.

#11.  If you are assaulted by an Inmate, remember where you work. You knew the hazards of working
        in a Prison when you got your job, you have absolutely nothing coming.

#12.  If you do not report Violations, there must not be any.

#13.  Yard and Gym are to at all times be accessable to Inmates.

#14.  Be cautious of which Inmate you write a Disciplinary Report on, they may be important.

#15.  All Inmates have the right to demand whatever they want, whenever they want.

#16.  All problems stem from Security, Programs know what they are doing.

#17.  Inmates cannot and willnot be denied anything, it is their right.

#18.  The Union Contract is only a mere outline of the Labor Relations, it will be amended as needed.

#19.  Order of importance: Polititians, Warden, Assistant Wardens, Major, Program Staff, Inmates,
         Captains, Lieutenants, Non-Security Staff, Delivery Personnel, Visitors, Inmates Relatives and
         Friends, Contractors, Residents of The State, United States Citizens, Rest of the World, Aliens.

#20.  If it were not for Inmates, Security would not have a job. Ergo, Security works for the Inmates.

#21.  Phone Calls, Visits, Yard, Gym, and all recreational activities are the Inmate's rights.

#22.  HIV, Hepatitus, and Tuberculosis cannot be caught from Inmates.

#23.  All major Incidents are to be Immediately reported to Internal Affairs, so it can be kept from the
         public.

#24.  Security must conform to the Administrative Directives and Institutional Directives, or they will
         go to the Reveiw Board and get time off. Inmates are immune to the AD's and ID's, unless the
         Public finds out. The Public does not have the right to know what goes on inside a Facility.

#25.  Staff can only Smoke in inmate areas, Inmates can Smoke anywhere they want.

#26.  Always remember and never forget, a Happy Inmate is an Inmate who will not Riot, Flood his cell
         or Wing, nor will he injure Security Staff. Therefore, do whatever an Inmate desires to keep him
         happy. Disciplinary Reports for rule infractions tend to upset Inmates, so do yourself a favor and
         look the other way. If you did not see it happen, you can't write it up.