Dear «FirstName»,

You people are sick for reading this stuff.

Enjoy.

Love to the «LastName»s.

M&M

_________________________________

SICKNESS

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?

A: Russell

And what do you call the same guy, 6 months later

PETE!!!!!

In the lake

Bob

In a ditch

Phil

Outside the door

Matt

On the wall

Art

What do you call his arms and legs?

Pieces of Art!

What if he also doesn't have a tongue!?

Tasteless Art!

What do you call two guys with no arms/legs in the water

Swimming trunks

No arms, no legs, between two buildings:

Ali (alley)

No arms, no legs, rabbit in ass:

Warren.

No arms, no legs, no head, no torso:

Dick.

No arms, no legs but able to swim the English Channel:

Clever Dick

A woman with no arms, legs, or torso?

Muffie

No feet:

Neil

In your mailbox:

Bill

The woman who puts him in the fireplace :

Burnadette

What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?

Nice tits!

Left out in the sun?

Wilt

Covered with cement?

Rock

In your pool?

Bob

In your hot tub?

Stu

On your BBQ grill?

Frank

What do you call a woman who has one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen

A Japanese woman with the same affliction?

Irene

What do you call her after the operation?

Noleen.

A couple, both with no arms & no legs, and run a butcher shop?

Chuck and Patty

When you throw him across a pond ?

Skip

On hot asphalt?

Flip

No arms, no legs, and no PELVIS??

Chester

Going over a fence?

Homer

In your girlfriend's lingerie drawer?

Teddy.

Who every one takes a dump on?

John

A guy with one arm and no legs who holds up your car?

Jack

A guy with no arms and legs that you use to loosen hex screws?

Allen

Two guys w/ no arms and no legs nailed to your spice rack?

Herb and Basil.

Woman w/ no arms/legs who's been force fed beans?

Gail.

Woman w/ no arms/ legs who's hanging from your chandelier?

1. Crystal.

2. Tifany

Guy w/ no arms/legs who's upside down in the end zone?

Spike.

A girl with no arms and no legs, lying on a grill?

PATTY!

Hanging from a chain destroying buildings?

Rex

Covered in oil?

Derek

What do you call a man, with no arms and no legs, out in the ocean?

Fucked!!

What do you call a woman without legs and arms?

Nothing. She ain't going nowhere, so fuck the sweet talk!

What do you call a woman his been run over by a bus?

Pattie.

What do you call a guy with two arms and two legs who floats on the water?

Christopher Reeve.

What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs stuck in a wall?

Brad

What do you call a guy with no arm and no legs in a coffee cup?

Joe

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a poker table?

Chip

Waterskiing

Skip

On a beach

Sandy

Throwing up

Chuck

What do you call a mexican women with both legs aputated at the knees?

Cunsualo

(ed. This is my favorite)

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs getting trampled on by a

bunch of basketball players?

Jim.

On a golf course?

Chip

Sitting on a hill

Cliff

Twin boys hanging over the window....

Curt 'n' Rod

WOMAN with no arms & no legs:

At the end of a long March

April

In your dishwasher

Dawn

In a fry pan

Pam (and she won't stick!)

In your garden

Lilly or Violet

Coming like thunder across the bay

Dawn

At sunset

Eve

In a hole

Peg

TWO WOMEN with no arms & legs on your roof

Eve's

MAN with no arms & no legs:

Holding drill bit in teeth

Chuck

Thrown against the wall

Mark

In a bottle

Pop

Hit by lightening

Rod

On a stage

Mike

MAN with no legs, one arm and Parkinson's shaving

Nick

MAN with no legs, holding a chain in each hand

Link

No arms/no legs having epiletic fit

Humphrey

Man with one leg

Tip

Man with no knee caps

Neil

Congressman with one leg and no knee caps

Tip O'Neil

Hit by lightening

Rod

On railroad track

Spike

Out of the wind

Lee

On an antenna

Guy

And (this is the worst I've come up with), MAN with no arms, 4/5 of one foot

missing,

and half of other leg gone:

Tony!

Q. What do you call a deer w/ no eye?

A. No I'deer !!

Q. What do you call a deer w/ no eye, no legs?

A. Still No I'deer !!!

Q. What do you call a deer w/ no eye, legs or genitalia?

A. Still No Fucking I'Deer !!!!

Will this list ever end? ---not if I can help it!

Man - no arms/no legs in a stream:

Eddy

Woman - no arms/no legs in a vase:

Rose

Man - no arms/no legs on a grill:

Frank