Fire Department Gets Woman to BINGO On Time
Fire Department Gets Woman to BINGO On Time
Fire Cheif Roy "Chicken-Choker" Cody and that other guy rescue Old Woman Higgins car keys Thursday afternoon in Bev R. Lee Hills Memorial Trailer Park and Perpetual Yard Sale Community Parking Lot. |
- Broken
glass and torn metal are all part of saving a woman's trapped car keys.
By Hieronymus Jacobin DDB With her lucky Bingo chips in hand, Old Woman Higgins left her palacial 40 foot trailer Thursday afternoon. But when she got to her car, things went wrong. "It was then that
I realized my keys were not in my plush Elvis coin purse," Higgins said.
"And when I looked through the car window I saw them."
Higgins was unsure what to do and beginning to panic. Bingo would begin just a few short hours later at SS. Lester and Billy Jo Bob United Church of the King of Memphis Drive-thru Wedding Chapel and Laundrymat. |
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Remembering her grandson Rusty had won a AAA membership just before he was sentenced to 2 to 4 years in the state prison for indecent and aggravated assault on a park bench, Higgins rushed to her neighbor Winnie Anne Willison's home to call the auto club.
"Winnie is my only neighbor with a working phone. It's a cell phone actually. I'm not sure which gentleman left it in her trailer, but she sure does have a number of gentlemen in that place. I don't think she's a hooker," Higgins said.
Higgins had expected a locksmith to show up, not the Rainbow Hose Volunteer Fire Company (ed. note, the reader may remember Rainbow Hose Co. was awarded the "Public Service 36-hour Marathon Beer Drinking" medal of excellence).
Fire Chief Roy Cody explained the local AAA club approached the firefighters about six months ago to handle some roadside assistance calls.
"Basically the AAA folks were sick of that fat bastard locksmith, Horace Ledlum, taking his time getting to people in need," Cody said. "We just turn the overhead lights on and blow through traffic lights... we get there in no time."
Higgins agreed. It only took the Rainbow Hose boys 15 minutes to get to her home.
"Would've been 5 minutes, but I had just opened an Old Milwaukee and was not going to ruin the taste of such a superior brew by chugging it down. Shit, it isn't an Ice House," Cody said.
Armed with the JAWs of life and fire axes, the firefighters had freed Higgins' car keys in a matter of moments.
As she stood in the debris left from a shattered windshield Higgins seemed almost misty eyed.
"I know Jesus is watching over me today," Higgins said. "Just look at how quickly these boys helped this old woman out. I know God won't let me down at Bingo today. I know he'll call out O-69 just when I need it!"
While Higgins sped off in her old car, now a convertable, Chief Cody slapped the other guy on the back, smiled, popped open a can of Old Milwaukee and said, "Boy, let's get us a two for one deal at Winnie's trailer."
God bless our volunteer firefighters. Amen.
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