OPERATION MINDFUCK:
Erisian Bunny
Every Easter all of us at the Sacred Chao Ranch hide Easter eggs.
This past Easter, we were all so lazy that we decided coloring eggs would
just be too much work. I like little yellow flowers. Since
we weren't coloring eggs, we bought plastic eggs that could be filled with
wonderful Easter surprises. Being to stingy - do you think I'm looking
at you? - we didn't buy candy or false teeth to put in the eggs.
Instead we placed fortunes inside every darling little imported-from-some-god-awful-third-world-nation
plastic egg (over half of the eggs had pennies in them!).
Pay per view television is yet another example of Big Business fucking
you in the ass.
So then we hid the eggs at the local museum, churches, laundrymat, mall,
supermarket, etc. Well that's not important... the point is that Easter
is a good time for OPERATION MINDFUCK. Here are the fortunes as they
appeared in the eggs. We are not saying buy a whole bunch of plastic
eggs, print out the fortunes, place a fortune in the egg, and hide the
egg with a fortune. Although, that isn't a bad idea....
Satan would like to wish you a Happy Easter!
Merry Christmas!
That lump is cancer
This is an unfertilized egg
This egg is CHOLESTEROL FREE!
The Easter Bunny does not exist
Beef is a vegetable
The purpose of power is power
Call the Psychic Fraud's Network! 1-900-WE-R-WATCHING!
The PA lottery number for 5-23-97 will be 17-32-5.
Hale-Bopp says kill yourself
Aliens are watching you
Jesus died for your sins, make them count!
Have you ever considered Jehovah?
I am a cloned egg
Your fly is open
Vote Dukakis in ‘88
Absolut Easter
What rhymes with orange?
E pluribus unum
You're not paranoid, everyone really does hate you
Lick this paper, you could be one of the lucky 25
25 cents off of LUCKY CHARMS
Vote Discordian
Want to lose weight? Blow your lunch
Balding? Too fucking bad
You are pregnant (replace egg if you are a man)
Oink! Oink! Oink!
Save the whales, club baby seals
Beer makes you smarter and stuff
Cigarettes contain VitaminC
Recycle me
Stop touching yourself in public
In your past life you were a spider monkey
OUT OF ORDER
Lie to your friends, it saves time
Brush your teeth
Toilet paper is a government conspiracy, use your hand
Honk if you love Elvis!
Think before you type
Kick an atheist
Beer, it's not just for breakfast
Kill in the name of the Lord for legal murder
Abortion, the other white meat
Kill whitey!
Kriss Kross makes you wanna jump
Friends: Thursday nights on NBC
Polka!
Ritual scarification says something
Volkswagen: Hitler's Automobile
I dream of Jeanie
If you wish upon a star...
Tickle me this you red bastard
Communism works in the minds of the lazy
Wednesday is Hump Day!
This is National Blow Job Week
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two X chromosomes make
evil
Eat a queer fetus for Jesus
Stop touching me
Pine cones stop midnight on the Thames
Toy boat! Toy boat! Toy boat!
It's a small world after all
Live long and prosper
Come on baby light my fire
Smoke fish
Avoid excessive pronouns in your speech
Commas: the hidden conspiracy
Drink Milk and DIE!!!
Say no to one way streets
Send $5 to your local Abortion Clinic
We put the boom in Oklahoma!
Jesus loves you, and for five bucks so will your mom
Donate your appendix to the organ donor program
Nothing is true and all is permissible
Freemasons are destroying your life
Right Now, Eddie Van Halen is an asshole
Might makes right
Fuck the Rain Forests
Attention Trekkie: DIE
You could already have won $20 million dollars
Can you say E-bola?
Crack kills
Your ancestor either owned slaves or killed Indians, you
are an asshole
7-up, never had it and never will
Junkies make good speed bumps
Drink and drive for a less populous future
Got AIDS yet?
Little kids hate you
Dogs do it better, ask Hillary Clinton
This isn't Kansas
Barry Manilow 4ever
Mtv: remember when they played music?
See Spot sit. Sit Spot sit.
Darwin was wrong
So was God
Chaos theory is sdufoi hoighioghds eijrlaksd
Open up and except Dick as your master
Thinking hurts the government
GI Joe is a pedophile homosexual
Holy water is a lot like Lager
Don't walk on the grass
Vegetable rights!
Peace is a five letter word
Hip, hip, dirty hippie, hooray!
Easter Sunday is brought to you by Nike and Michael Jordan
Yellow is a lie, ignore it
Hello, how can I be of assistance?
I don't think I can do that Dave
Where the hell are my pants?
We are watching you
To err is human, to ignore that is American
Jump up and down until your head falls off
What is mising from this statement?
Sanity is just the majority of lunatics setting the standard
Some times you feel like a nut, some times you don't
There's always room for JELL-O
I killed the Cosby kid
Donald Trump is a space alien
When in Rome, don't drink the water
Sex rots teeth
What did you score on the SATs?
Fuck you
Capitalism is a vegetable
Which came first? The sarcasm or this egg?
The CIA is responsible for over 1 million rapes a year
Laugh and the whole world humors you, cry and they all get
a good laugh
Eat rat
Shit on the floor
Feed me cookie!
Drink urine for stronger bones
Fight bullshit, kill Gump
Heaven loves ya, when you're a boy
Why do you care what I have to say?
Brown rice is a safe alternative to venereal disease
Utopia is an ideal way of confusing people
Buy war bonds
Life, liberty, and the trivial pursuit of whores
Be a hypocrite, buy American
Catholicism is a Vegetable
Never say never till the fat lady's dead
Don't you wish you found an Easter Egg every day?
Jesus was a Sagittarius
Make your last year in this existence count
You picked the 10 of Clubs
Change your oil every 10,000 miles
Smile! Your on camera!
Why exactly do you think you can just take this Easter Egg?
Down with Santa
WARNING! This Egg contains a TOXIC gas and should not be
opened!
Captain Capitalism vs. Comrade Communism, tonight on Pay
Per View
LOOT! RAPE! PILLAGE!
fnord
This Egg is cursed and will bring you bad luck until you
give it away
Everything is a lie
Have you hugged your TV today?
Have you killed a country music fan today?
Beware the Ides of March