A long time ago, in a ghetto far, far away.......
Scene 1
Setting: Somewhere in space
Situtation: Princess Layonme's personal '80 Monte Carlo with t-top and Night Rider light on the front is being attacked by an '84 Lincoln Towncar Limo of the Empire
Main Corridor of Monte Carlo-
867-5309: R2, they've shut down the 5.0. Our asses are toast, home skillet.
R2-RNot:
(Record scratching sound)
(Imperial pimps bust in with their 8-ball canes)
(Rebel troops fire back with their clock necklaces)
A Secluded Room in Monte Carlo-
867-5309: R2, where are you?
(867-5309 sees Princess Layonme cutting a record on R2)
(Imperial pimps stun the Princess with their canes)
Hatch to an Escape Pod-
867-5309: We can't go in there. It's restricted G.
R2-RNot:
(Record Scratching Sound)
Bridge of Monte Carlo-
Lucius Vadre: Where are those plans you jacked, baby?
Old School Officer: I don't follow homes.
Lucius Vadre: See if your old-school booty follows this!!
(Lucius Vadre kills the Old School Officer)
Escape Pod-
(867-5309 and R2-RNot are drifting toward the planet Appalachia. Upon
landing they climb out of the pod to view their surroundings.)
867-5309: This place sucks yo.
R2-RNot:
(Sound)
867-5309: Let's mack it this way B.
R2-RNot:
(Sound)
867-5309: Are you a crack baby? I ain't haulin' my metal ass in that direction. What makes you think there's a hood over there? It's probably just a town of redneck inbreds.
R2-RNot:
(Sound)
867-5309: Go your own way then sucka'. I'm high steppin' it this way.
Middle of Deserted Forest-
867-5309: Man, I don't know why I listened to that fool. I should've gone the other way. Whoa!! A Red Fox pick-up truck. My ass is rescued.
Another Part of the Planet Appalchia-
(R2-RNot is approached by a couple of rednecks)
R2-RNot:
(Sound)
Redneck1: Hyuck, hyuck. What a fine lookin' droid.
Redneck2: He sho' is.
Redneck1: Hey there droid, squeal like a pig for me.
R2-RNot:
(Sound)
On Board the Pick-up Truck-
(867-5309 finds R2)
867-5309: Damn!!! Those rednecks are some wack bitches. Can you say sodomy?
Ughh!! I feel so cheap.
R2-RNot:
(Sound)
867-5309: Man, our ride stopped.
Redneck1: Get outta here, ya hear? We gonna sell you boys to a nice local
moonshiner.
In Front of Uncle Cletus' Moonshine Ranch-
Uncle Cletus: Hey thar y'all. How bout some white lightnin'?
MC Lukalicious Moonwalker Daddy: Man, you're bootleg Uncle Cletu.
Cletus: Yeah, I make bootleg.
(Redneck2 drinks bootleg hooch)
Redneck2: I can't see!! I can't see!!
Cletus: Alright, I'll take these two droids.
Redneck1: Huh?
Cletus: The turntable and the solid gold guy.
(867-5309 starts dancing like the solid gold dancers)
Rerun: Sup y'all? Oooh, you stole my Twinkee.
(Rerun dances off)
Inside Cletus' Shack-
(Luke cleans R2 and and stumbles across the record cut by the Princess)
Recording(Princess Layonme): Moby1K. My padre....Moby1K. My padre....Moby1K. My padre....
Luke: Man, this record is worthless. I thought maybe it'd have some fresh
grooves on it, but it just skips. That chick's voice on there is fly,
though. But who's Moby1K? Maybe it's that geezer who lives up in the
mountains. It can't be, 'cause his name's DJ Mobius Mack. See if you can play
back the whole message. I wanna hear the real deal.
867-5309: I'll see what I can do with him. He must be trippin' or
somethin'.
WILL LUKE EVER HEAR THE ENTIRE MESSAGE? IS DJ MOBIUS MACK REALLY MOBY1K? WILL THE REDNECK EVER GET HIS VISION BACK? TO FIND OUT ALL THIS AND MORE, TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR SECTION 2 OF THE GRIPPING SPACE ADVENTURE, STARWHORES.
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