Once upon a time lived a young cross-dresser named Lance, but everyone called him Snow White because he was albino. Snow White lived with his step mom, the drag queen. This wasn't just any queen, this was a very vain and evil queen named Nick. They both lived in a huge castle in Florida (which they had bought with all the money they had conned off of gullible teenyboppers).
Every day queen Nick would approach his magic mirror and ask: "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" And every day, the mirror would reply, "Snow White is, for as fair as you may be, none is fairer than she...I mean he...I mean... oh screw it."
Nick: WHAT?!?!?!??? I've used 18 bottles of peroxide in the past day bleaching my hair, and yet Snow White is still fairer?!? I've taken her frilly lingerie, I hid her make up, I've even stolen her Barbara Streisand CD, what more can I do?
Mirror: What if, she wasn't around anymore...
Nick: ?
Mirror: Well, if she were no more, you would be the fairest right?
Nick: Huh?
Mirror: KILL HER YOU MORON!!!!!
Nick: Oh, but I don't want to get blood on my new gown.
Mirror: Your royal retardedness, you're the queen. Get someone else to do it for you.
Nick: Oh...I still don't get it.
After a long and very slow explanation, the hunter was summoned:
Justin: Yo, what up queen?
Nick: I need you to kill Snow White
Justin: Sounds like a phat plan, yo!
Nick: And I want you to bring back her lipstick as proof.
Justin: Hah lipstick? Don't you want a heart, o' a limb o' sumpin?
Nick: Oh Justin, you know I faint at the sight of blood. Besides, I always thought her shade would look better on me.
Justin: Ok foo. I get ya da lipstick ayight. Consida her dead. Props, wassaiiiiide!
Meanwhile, in the Grand entrance way:
Snow White: One day my prince will cum... I mean come.
*Doorbell rings
Snow White: Is it Avon Calling?
Delivery Guy: No, it's UPS
*Snow White opens the door
Snow White: My, you have quite a large "package." *wink*
Delivery Guy: Please, just sign for your industrial size vat of peroxide.
*Signs
Delivery Guy: Um, I just need your name, not your phone number.
Snow White: Don't be so sure. *wink*
Delivery Guy: Can I have my pen back?
Snow White: *hands it over giggling like a schoolgirl*
Delivery guy: *leaves mumbling* I need a job that doesn't require wearing such tight short shorts.
Justin walks in:
Snow White: Hi Justin, did you see that deliveryman? Wasn't he dreamy?
Justin: Yo Man! Dat's gross!
Snow White: So why are you here?
Justin: We is goin for a walk.
Snow White: Oooh, can we pick some pretty daisies?
Justin: *mutters to self* I be glad when I is done wit dis.
They leave along the trail, Snow White is happily skipping on ahead humming "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun". They finally reach a clearing:
*Snow White sits among the daisies, she picks one and starts removing the petals saying "He loves me, he loves me not"
Snow White: This would be a delightful spot for a picnic.
Justin: Picnics is for sissies.
Snow White: Oh Justin, you just need to get in touch with your feminine side.
*Justin pulls out his gun.
*Snow White turns to face the barrel of the gun. She lets out a very high pitched scream and faints.
*Justin pulls the trigger and Snow White's blood blankets the surrounding area in red.
Author: JUSTIN, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY KILL HER!!!!!
Justin: What? Why da hell not, she pisses me off.
Author: 'Cuz that's not how the story goes.
Justin: But now da story can star me, and we'z can call it Snow Black.
Author: No Justin, it can't. Now I'm the author, and if you don't want me to turn you into one of the dwarves, you better do as I say.
Justin: Damn, dis is hella lame.
Author: So where were we? Oh yeah...
*Justin pulls out his gun.
*Snow White turns to face the barrel of the gun. She lets out a very high pitched scream and faints.
Justin: Aw damn, I can't kill hah while shez unconscious. Den I'd look stoopid. Ah shit, I don't gots time fa dis, I could be watchin Da fly hunnies on da BET right now.
*Justin grabs the lipstick and takes off.
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