ref

Let's take time out to meet our special guest referee, Britney Spears, who is America's hallowed parthenon of exploited, bubble-gum "music."

Fortunately for us, Britney had the time to sit down with our web-interview correspondent and discuss her feelings and her important role in the impending Battle Arena.

American Science: So, thanks for being here, apparently you were able to find us on the seventh floor.

Britney: Yes, I keep getting all those confusing numbers mixed up!

AS: Well, take it easy and relax, I know that you had to open some doors too on the way up. What a cognitive exercise!

B: I'll say! What's a cognishive...er, cogniffige....never mind...tee hee hee!

AS: Ah...ok....anyway....what made you want to be our special guest referee for Battle Arena?

B: I'm a huge fan of Simon le Bon, his music is amazing, and so is his voice! I can remember when Planet Earth was released--

AS: Hold on, that came out in 1981, you were still a fetus.

B: Feet-us?

AS: Never mind...where do you attend school?

B: I go to Translucent High School in Depravity, Alabama. People keep saying it's a transparent high school with shallow, ego-maniacal, materialistic kids, but I don't see any of that. I won't be there long, though. I plan on dropping out and making more music. I need to be the best pop rocker for the rest of my life. I bet I'll have fans forever! Music like mine would never slowly die out and become lost in corporate sleaze-ball money-making tactics and overexposure.

AS: Funny how life is sometimes ironic, huh?

B: Oh, I don't know how to iron! Mom does that for me!

AS: (rolls eyes) Ok, who do you think will win the fight, Maul or le Bon?

B: Definitely le Bon! He's so cute!

AS: Yeah, but Maul can kick ass.

B: Oh, I'm sure Simon will win, he's a great singer.

AS: But Simon can't fight.

B: Fight what?

AS: Maul.

B: I love the mall! Oh, my god! That's like the best place ever!

AS: Jesus....ok, do you even know how to referee? (writes down "referee" on paper, hands it to Britney)

B: (looks at paper for 5 minutes) Oh! Sure I do! I smoke da reefer all the time! (begins singing hits from the bong by cypress hill in a shrill voice)

AS: (pulls out gun, shoots self in head)

B: Like, does this mean the interview is over?