Blonde Jokes
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesn't follow you around after you're done using it!
Two blondes were walking through the woods. They came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "they're bear tracks." The second blonde said, "they're dear tracks." Then they were hit by the train.
A blonde heard that most automobile accidents occur within 5 miles of your home, so she moved.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a porsche?
A: You don't lend a porsche out to your friends!
Q: What do you call a bug that flies into a blondes head?
A: Space invader!
Q: What do you call a bug that flies in a blondes ear but gets lost?
A: Lost in Space!
Q: How do you kill a one-armed blonde in a tree?
A: Wave at her!
Four blondes got in their car and decided to go to Disney World. On the way they came across a sign that said "Disney World Left", so they turned around and went home.
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Blondes don't screw in a lightbulb, they screw in a bathtub!
Q: What does a turtle and a blonde have in common?
A: Once they're on their backs, they're screwed!
Q: Why do people tell dumb blonde jokes?
A: To make men feel better!
Q: Why are blonde jokes always one-liners?
A: So that men can understand them!
Q: Why did the blonde only change her baby's diaper once a month?
A: Because the box said "good for up to 20 pounds!"
Q: How did the blonde die while raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree!
Q: How did the blonde die while drinking milk?
A: The cow stepped on her!
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctors?
A: She thought it was pregnant because it skipped a period!
Q: Why was the blonde dissapointed when she got her drivers lisence?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex!
Q: Why did God make blondes?
A: Because sheep couldn't fetch beer!
Q: Why did God make brunettes?
A: Neither could blondes!
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a dead blonde on the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk!
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
A: The lightbulb is smarter but the blonde is easier to turn on!
Q: What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them but you never see any!
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't, they're born that way!
Q: Why can't blondes make jello?
A: They can't figure out how to put 2 cups of water into those little packages!
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a
coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She
returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine
keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and
watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if
someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her
face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open,
but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to
catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's
starting to rain and the top is down."
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is
having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The
next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful
redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband
jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up - you're
next!"
Q: Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned in spring training.
A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in
the breaststroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The
brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally
reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets
and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those
other two girls used their arms.
A blonde had a near death experience the other day when she went
horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started
bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but
was thrown off. With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell head-first
to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse
did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and