"Dominie", he tried to smile but his tears threatened to overwhelm him
again. "Oh damnation", he
growled, and scrubbed at his eyes. "Dominie, little angel, stay with
me. Be my very own guardian
angel. Tell me what I must do. I love her so much, my sleeping beauty,
my Christine, but when she
sees my face, she too, will hate me."
"Do not say so, dearest Erik. I see your face clearly before me, and
I do not hate or fear you. I see
your eyes, beautiful eyes that have such depth and perception; eyes
which are dark ovals of night,
but full of fire, and light. They seem to hold all the mysteries of
the universe and beyond into infinity,
yet they are human eyes pleading for love. They show me the man you
really are beneath the mask
you are forced to wear." The cherub kissed his fingers again, and continued
to speak softly.
"Your Christine even now deeply loves her Angel of Music. Soon, much
sooner than you think, she
will learn to love the man." Dominie nodded her curly head, still clutching
his arm with her tiny hands.
"Trust me, my friend, and put your faith in le bon Dieu. Hold on to
your precious dreams. Believe
me when I say that you will be loved, forever and a day."
"You must show and share with Christine your innermost thoughts and
feelings; show her the loving,
compassionate man behind the mask. Do not frighten her with passion
- that will come. Her heart
will tell her when she is ready to give and receive physical love."
**********
The little cherub's smile lit her blue eyes. "Earn her trust in Erik
the man, as she has learned to trust in
her Angel of Music. She does love you, I know she does, but let her
realise the truth in her heart in
her own time. Perhaps she is very young, but she has so much love to
give - you'll see."
Erik looked at the angel-child, and she saw the small flicker of hope dawning in the dark eyes.
"Dominie, little Dominie, can this be true? All my life I have longed
for someone to love me".
"Dear Erik, I promise that it will be so; God has never ceased to love
His lost child, you know. And
I can tell you that at this very moment, you are greatly loved.........by
me."
Dominie gazed up at him devotedly, and then reached up to kiss his tear-stained cheek.
He stroked the curly head, and whispered, "And I love you too, my little
guardian angel. Stay with
me always; help me to be good. Help me learn to cope with the world
outside, and not to curse it."
"I will, Erik, truly I will. Trust me always."
"Yes, I do and I will. How shall I start?"
"From this moment, Erik. There is also someone else who loves you, and
has been longing to tell
you. She is waiting for my sign, Erik. You said I have your trust.
Now may I give that sign?"
"Yes. Yes, but who?....."
"Your mother, Erik. Your mother is here..", Dominie broke off abruptly
as Erik leapt to his feet,
shouting, "No. It is not true. My mother does not love me.... she loathed
me. She is dead and gone
from me forever."
He collapsed to his knees, hands clasping his head; in his throat a
low moan like that of a wounded
animal.
**********
Then he became very still. A faint, but evocative fragrance filled his
senses. Muguet des bois -
lily-of-the-valley. Her scent...... She had adored the delicate, bell-like
little blossom and had worn it
as her perfume.
He seemed to feel a warmth and lightness all around him; slowly, very slowly, he raised his head.
There was a faint, white light at first. As he looked, the light became
brighter, shimmering and
glowing, until a shape slowly materialised from the lustre. A soft,
melodious voice spoke his name.
"Erik.......". And then, "Erik, my beloved son...."
His throat was closed. He could not speak. Mutely, he stretched out
a hand, and then drew it back,
wrapping both arms around his body and rocking from side to side.
Two gentle hands came down to cradle his face. Her voice, that well-remembered
and adored
voice, said to him, "Erik, will you not look at me? My darling, my
own cherished son, let me kiss
your dear face."
At this, he gave a great cry, and sobbed, "Mamma.... Mamma. Is it really
you? Do you really
love me?"
He was a little boy again. A little boy longing for his mother's affection.
"Oh yes, my sweet son. I love you so very much. Oh, how I have longed
to tell you this. To comfort
you in your sufferings. To bring you close to me. But I could not come
to you until now. You had
renounced all your belief. But now you have said your prayers, my little
one. Le bon Dieu has been
waiting for you to call to Him."
"Oh Mamma, if only you can forgive me my wicked life. I have been so
cruel, so--- so merciless in
seeking revenge on those who denied me my rights as a human being.
Everyone hates me, Mamma.
But not as much as I loathe myself. What can I do to earn your forgiveness?"
Erik cried brokenly.
"Hush, my darling. You are being far too hard upon yourself. You are
not, and never have been
wicked. I was the ugly, wicked monster, not you."
Erik cried out in distress at this, but the vision put her fingers gently
on his lips. "Your heart and mind
were warped and twisted by my own dreadful refusal to accept the distortions
of your poor little
face. I turned away from your childish devotion, tried to pretend that
you did not exist."
"It is I who should ask for your forgiveness. So many times I have asked
myself how I could have
rejected my own child. What mother could be so inhuman, so cold and
unfeeling to a hurt child?"
"Then you ran away from me...... Oh, my beloved Erik...... I was lost,
so lost without you. It was
then I realised how much you meant to me, and how deeply I loved you.
"
The soft voice was full of sorrow, but Erik protested. "No, Mamma, it
was not your fault that you
could not love me. How could anyone love such a repulsive thing?"
"My love, you were the child of my heart. You are the child of my heart,
and always will be. I was a
young and selfish girl, too blind to see beyond your tragic little
face. I thought only of my vain, foolish
self. Of what the world would think of me.... I beg you to forgive
me, my darling, and let me now
give you the kiss you asked from me as a little boy."
"Oh, Mamma....Mamma...", Erik sobbed, and then her gentle hands lifted
his face as she brought
her soft lips down to meet his brow, his thin cheeks, the malformed
nose and then finally, the softest
of kisses upon his crooked lips.
He felt a tear drop from her eyes onto his forehead, and then they were
both laughing and crying at
the same time.
"Mamma, I do love you", he said, his face alight with rapturous joy
whilst the tears still streamed
from his eyes.
"My darling, I love you too. Remember, I am always with you, and you
will feel my arms around you
whenever you need me. You may be a man full-grown, but you are still
my child, my own precious
boy."
Gently, the beautiful vision stroked Erik's hair, the thin red-brown
strands which hardly covered his
skull. Then taking his hands, she lifted him to his feet.
"It is time for me to go now, my dearest." The vision smiled into his
eyes. "Do not cry, for I am with
you always. We are reconciled, and I have such joy in my heart. Now,
I can rest in peace."
She cradled his face lovingly, and once more kissed both tear-stained cheeks.
"Remember that my arms will always be around you. Little Dominie will
come whenever you call. Be
happy with your Christine, darling, and may the infinite love of le
bon Dieu be with you always."
**********
The soft light around the vision of Erik's mother began to slowly dim as he stood before her.
"Adieu, Mamma", he whispered, his arms still outstretched towards her, "Je t'aime".
A gentle touch on his cheek brought his head round, to see the little
angel-child close to him, her tiny
golden wings beating as she floated beside him.
"You are happy, my Erik?" Dominie asked, as she tenderly brushed the
tears from the Phantom's
cadaverous face.
Erik caught the small cherub in his hands and kissed her on both her delicately soft cheeks.
"So very happy, little one." His voice was still hovering between laughter
and tears. "I cannot find the
words to tell you all that is in my heart at this moment. To know that
my mother really loved me,
loves me, fills my soul with the greatest joy."
"I am so very, very glad, Erik," Dominie said, and then started to laugh
with childish glee as Erik
swung her high in the air, joining in her laughter. Just a few, short
moments ago, he had been in the
depths of despair. Now, he felt as though he could reach for the moon.
The knowledge that his mother had loved him and would always love him,
lifted his spirits to heights
of sheer bliss. An overwhelming feeling of incredible happiness made
him want to shout and laugh
and dance and sing all at once.
He spun Dominie higher and danced around the room, waltzing her around
and around. The sound
of Erik's joyous laughter filled the little angel with delight, but
suddenly, she put her fingers to her lips
and whispered, "Hush. We must not wake Mademoiselle Christine, my Erik.
You should also rest
now, for it has been a night of great emotion for you."
Erik nodded. "Yes, yes, you are right. I am very tired, Dominie. I feel I could sleep now."
Dominie kissed his cheek, and murmured, "Rest now, dearest Erik, and
as your Maman wished for
you - may the love of le bon Dieu be with you always."
*************
Go to Part 4 of Dream of Angels
by Erika Shadow.