I walked over to the work table and set the lamp in the middle of it before going over to the refrigerator and opening it. I quickly placed the bread, cheese, and preserves on the top shelf of the refrigerator before firmly closing the door. Then, I decided to take another look around before going upstairs. I walked over to the bookshelf and looked at the books. Some were softcover and others were hardback, and while some of the titles were in French, others looked like they were in another language. Croat? I wondered, as I read the titles. The subjects of the books were varied as well. Some of the books were on home repair, and others were novels, but most were about religion. Is Erik a believer? Are these his or his sister's? I wondered as I took out a rather large tome and read the title. As I did so, I noticed a small watercolor painting wedged between the wall and bookcase. Curious, I took out a couple more books from the bookcase and placed them on the work table next to the lamp before reaching for and finally retrieving the painting. I went over to the work table and put it down next to the lamp and looked at it. It was a watercolor done in Impressionistic style of a young woman reclining on a grassy area under a canopy of branches. The woman was completely nude except for a large sheer, light-beige drape entwining her legs and covering one breast. The woman faced her portrait painter and seemed as if she were sleeping. Written at the bottom of the watercolor were the words, 'Melusine en Repose'. I've seen this place before! It's that spot Erik showed me this afternoon! But, where have I seen her before? Where have I seen this writing before? No! It can't be...I thought to myself.
"So! You've found her!" I heard Erik exclaim. I whirled around and found Erik standing behind me, his jaw set and his eyes black with anger. After a moment of silence, he added coldly, "What am I to do with you? Curiosity killed the cat, they say, so what am I going to do with you? Now, get upstairs!"
"Why, Erik? Why did you do it? Or should I say, Tomislav?" I retorted.
"Get upstairs, now!" he roared. Then, seeing that I had not moved, he grabbed my arm and half-dragged me to the stairs. He then forced me up the stairs ahead of him, and after we reached the top of the stairs, he pushed me into the room and against the baby grand piano. The sound of the keys hitting the piano wires and making a discordant sound infuriated him even more. He then grabbed me again and dragged me over to the wing-backed chair and forced me to sit.
"Are you going to stab me too?" I asked sarcastically.
He raised his right arm and fist as if to strike me, and then, lowering it, exclaimed, "Damn you! Damn you to hell! Why did you have to ruin everything? Things were going so well between us, why did you have to ruin everything?"
I swallowed hard, trying to quell the panic that was rising in my chest. I took a deep breath, and then asked, "Why did you do it, Erik? Why did you try to kill Christine?"
He looked at me, his eyes blazing in anger. Then, he said quietly, "Well, why not? You won't live to tell the tale anyway!" Oh, my God! He really means it! I thought as I watched him begin to pace back and forth in front of me. "Sure! Why not? You're a dead woman anyway, so why not tell you the rest of my life's story! You'll never live to tell, so why not?" he said as he continued to pace back and forth. "I went to Paris and entered the Conservatory when I was just nineteen. I thought I knew everything back then, and thought I would handle the heavy workload as if it were nothing. I had no idea just how grueling the hours would be, or how lonely I would be for that matter! The long hours of practice and study were almost too much for me to begin with, and then I added singing lessons on top of it all! I finally found it necessary to take stimulants-pills if you want, to get me going in the mornings and keep me going throughout the day-pills to get me through the exams and recitals, and then pills to get me to sleep at night! But it was worth it, though! I was told that I was talented enough to really go places with my singing! I really believed it back then! And, maybe those people were right because, after four years of hard work, I auditioned for the national opera company and was accepted into the chorus! And this was unusual, for in order to get into the national company, you have to have sung for at least several years in provincial companies before being invited to audition for the national company! I changed my name about that time to Tomislav Dubrovnik-Tomislav after my father and Dubrovnik after the city I was born in. Things were really looking up for me, so you would think I wouldn't be stupid enough to keep on taking drugs, but I was! I was also stupid enough to take up drinking and smoking as well! Well, why not? I had the world at my fingertips-everything looking like I would go down in opera history as one of the great baritones! I would go down in history, all right! But not the way that I had envisioned! I worked my way up the ladder, so to speak, and in two years' time had gone from supporting roles to leading roles! I was so proud of myself! But, I had a dark side as well! I was getting into trouble with my drinking-getting into fist-fights at the local bars as well as feuding with my fellow performers and the music director as well! The managers didn't know what to do with me-I was out of control, even though I always showed up to work every morning in spite of hanging one on the night before
"Then, one day, a miracle happened! I was with the guys one day, standing in the wings, smoking, and watching the dancers audition for the chorus, and...I saw her! Everyone has an off-day once in awhile and so it must have been with Christine! She just couldn't seem to stay in step with the other dancers, and after she finished auditioning, she was ready to run off the stage and out of the opera house! Poor thing! She was really embarrassed! But then one of her friends...Meg, I think it was, talked her into singing. Her voice was magnificent-perfect in pitch, and...how it just seemed to float! But, it was untrained, and to make matters worse, she couldn't afford lessons. She had just moved to Paris, her father had died, and she didn't have any way of continuing her training. As she started to walk off the stage in utter defeat, I found I couldn't contain myself any longer. I strode onto that stage, and immediately announced that I would give her lessons myself! Everybody was stunned! Me? The resident enfant terrible? No one had expected me to do such a thing! But, I just couldn't see a talent like hers go to waste! Actually, I couldn't bear to see her go, for I had fallen in love with her right on the spot!
"I then made a vow that from that day forward, I was going to get clean! I quit smoking that very day-at that very moment, in fact! I haven't smoked since, and I don't miss the cigarettes, either! And, that's really something, because I was up to forty cigarettes a day at that point! I almost stopped drinking entirely as well-only an occasional glass of wine after that! But the pills...they were harder to give up! I still needed to have something to wake me up in the morning and something to put me to sleep at night. But, I did try to cut down the amount of pills I was taking! I knew they would be the ruin of me, so I cut down on the number, and was down to only a few milligrams of each...I did all of this for Christine! After all, I had taken a student under my wing, and I needed to set an example. I also needed my wits about me so I could nurture her as much as possible!"
He had stopped pacing by this time, and finally sat down on the piano bench facing me. "What happened then?" I asked, hoping that he would calm down and come to his senses.
He paused for a moment before continuing, "She outgrew me as a student after about six months. She really needed to have more instruction-more than I could give her! But, I couldn't let her go! I loved her! But, even I knew that she needed more advanced instruction...I held our last lesson in the dance room-you know, the one we had our first lesson in. After the lesson ended, I embraced her and...kissed her, first on her hands and then, on her mouth. I couldn't stop kissing her! I knew then, at that very moment that I would never, ever...let her go! I then...seduced her, right there in that room! I'm sure you remember that room as well-it's the same room we had our first lesson in...our first lesson that I cut short! The memory of that...it was so strong, that it was all I could do to keep from going mad! The memory is still strong-even now!...That night when I first made love to Christine in that room...it was the most erotic place I could think of. Later, after we finished, I came to my senses somewhat, and told her that the opera house was no place for trysts! I...suggested...no, I insisted that she move in with me! In exchange for her paying the rent and food, I would pay for singing lessons-lessons with someone else more qualified than I. Surprisingly, she agreed."
He paused for a moment and sighed. "What then?" I asked.
He sighed again, and said, "We lived together after that. Oh, don't be shocked! This was the 'sexy seventies'! No one in their right mind got married back then! We lived together as man and wife, and I was never so happy in my life-this was almost as good as wedded bliss! I was so happy-and I thought she was, too! You've been married before, so you know that sex isn't everything in marriage, but for me it was almost the only thing! I know we Croatian men don't have a good reputation as lovers, but I did my best! I thought our sex life was the best! I certainly enjoyed it...and I thought Christine did, too! She never complained, but looking back...she seemed...unfulfilled! For awhile, I thought it was me, obsessing with our sex life, so I would...we'd take a break every one in awhile and go places, do things...which wasn't easy on our budget since her lessons and our rent were so expensive! But we'd manage to go to museums...I think my favorite was Malmaison, you know, Napoleon's palace that he shared with Josephine? At any rate, I didn't like things the way they were...I wanted to get married, and told her so many times...but...I don't know...she always seemed to put me off!
"Finally, things came to a head. I brought her here to this house and introduced her to my mother and sister. I even showed here where my dream home would be-that's the spot you saw next to this house when we got back from the forest. I told Christine about my dream home...I told her how I planned to build it, what I would put in it, and that it would be ours once it was finished. I was really hoping that would bring her around, but it didn't. If anything, she seemed more determined than ever not to marry me! Then, I thought that taking her to my favorite places here in the forest would convince her to marry me! That clearing you saw earlier today was where I painted that picture of her. She had worked her magic on me just as Melusine does on the forest! I even took her to see Saint Louis de Montfort's cave, which is where I would have taken you tomorrow if you hadn't ruined everything! Damn you! Why couldn't you have left things alone down there!" Erik suddenly rose from the piano bench, came towards me and raised his hand as if to strike me.
"Erik!" I protested, knowing that he was taking his anger at Christine out on me.
Seeming to come to his senses a little, he lowered his hand and returned to the piano bench where he sat down again and sobbed for a few moments. Finally, collecting himself, he said, "I really don't want to hurt you any more than I wanted to hurt Christine! But, why couldn't she love me like I loved...love her? In one of our many quarrels, I finally asked her that very question but she only protested, saying that she, indeed, did love me and then claimed that she wasn't ready for any commitments just yet! Foolish me! I believed her lie, so I dropped the subject for the time being. Then, I thought that perhaps I was nagging her too much on other issues besides marriage-her smoking in particular, so I stopped nagging altogether, thinking that my change in behavior as far as nagging was concerned would bring her around, but it didn't. We returned to Paris at the end of August, which was a mistake as it turns out!...I should have kept her here!" he finished by exclaiming softly.
"Why? What happened?" I asked, trying even harder not to panic, for Erik became agitated again, rising from the piano bench and pacing the floor once again.
He stopped pacing long enough to collect his thoughts, and then continued, "Auditions were held for the new season, and that...that bastard! that..." Erik's voice trailed off.
"Raoul!" I breathed, hoping that Erik would not hear me.
Unfortunately, he did, for he exclaimed vehemently, "Yes! That...bastard! That son-of-a-bitch bastard! Damn him! Damn him to the very depths of hell!" Erik's voice broke as he said the last words. Sobbing, he tried to catch his breath, and then added, "I wish to God I had never taken Christine back to Paris! None of that would have happened! I loved her...God help me, I still love her!...but we had to get back to work! She needed her lessons and we still needed to eat! What I would have done to keep her!...I had no idea what awaited us in Paris!...How was I to know?...When we got back, I tried everything I could to get her to marry me-save nagging, of course! Believe me, I tried! Gifts, promises to give up the pills-promises which I had every intention of keeping, by the way! She would have none of it...she wouldn't budge one inch! I finally started using intimidation-force, if you will! I watched her every move...watched her like a hawk! I monitored her every conversation! I even forbade her to have anything to do with her friends! And yes, I hit her too! God help me, I hit her so many times!...I should never have hit her! Never!"
I gasped. "You hit her?" I asked incredulously. Erik began to sob again and only nodded. "How could you?" I exclaimed, and then added, "Good God Almighty! And you call Raoul a bastard! You're worse! A thousand times worse! No wonder she left you! She did the right thing!"
Erik lost control at that point. Screaming, he lunged at me, and grabbing me by my shoulders, he pulled me out of the wing-backed chair and shook me before pushing me back into the chair, causing the chair to slide back toward the front door a little. Frightened, I jumped out of the chair and ran to the door. "No! You're not leaving!" he shouted as he grabbed me and threw me back into the chair. "You're not leaving! You're not leaving me! I won't let you leave me!" he shouted, and then pulling me up to his face, he added menacingly, "You wanted to hear my story and so you shall! You'll hear all if it!" Standing over me, he paused for a moment before returning to the piano bench and sat down. Speaking more calmly, he said, "I tried everything I could think of to get Christine to marry me...but she refused. I thought it was because she wanted her career, but that wasn't the reason! I suspected that she and Raoul were having an affair, but I couldn't prove it. Finally, at the St. Sebastian's Ball, I...caught them together. The theme that year was Renaissance Fantasy. I came dressed as the Red Mask of Death, complete with a Gainsborough hat plumed in red and a floor-length red velvet cape! I searched for them before finding them together on the roof of the opera house...copulating! Full sexual intercourse right there on the roof in the dead of winter! Rejected! Cuckolded! Betrayed! Emasculated! Now do you understand why I made us leave the rooftop when we were at the ball last St. Sebastian's?" he asked, his voice breaking again. I nodded. Does lover abuse deserve betrayal? I wondered, and then shook my head. Seeing me shake my head, Erik exclaimed, "Now, you understand! Now, I'm getting through to you!"
"But, you abused Christine and tried to kill them both!" I exclaimed.
"You're right-I shouldn't have harmed her in any way...God knows I had hurt her enough! I should have killed him instead...and turned that Cuban stallion into a gelding, to boot!" Erik exclaimed.
I gasped at his vehemence. Then, trying to calm him down, I added softly, "But you didn't!"
"No. I didn't," Erik said more calmly, and then returning to his agitation, he added, "But if I had to do it all over again, I'd cut off his organ and stuff it down his throat! And make her watch!"
"My God, Erik! You can't mean that!" I exclaimed, and then realized that he probably did mean it, for after what he had done twenty five years earlier, he was quite capable of committing a more horrible offense!
Seeing that I had become even more frightened, Erik asked as he continued to pace back and forth, "Does that shock you, my dear? Well, let me shock you some more! Christine moved in with Raoul right after the ball-they weren't even subtle about their relationship! They flaunted themselves in front of me constantly! Why should they have been surprised when I got my revenge? The company managers decided to produce 'Faust' and 'Carmen' that spring. I desperately wanted to sing the part of Faust, or at least Mephistopheles, but they wouldn't hear of it...they said my voice wasn't strong enough or developed enough! Raoul got the part of Faust, though, and Christine got the part of Marguerite. The managers let me know right away that they thought I was just plain lucky to get the part of Valentine. I bore that humiliation in silence, knowing that I would get my revenge somehow! Then, when we did 'Carmen', I was sent back to the chorus. I desperately wanted to sing the part of Don Jose, but the managers had found a new favorite-Raoul! Besides, they had had enough of my antics and wanted to punish me! I suppose I deserved something for all the trouble I caused, but not that! I was sent back to the chorus in utter defeat!...but I swore my revenge! I memorized the part of Don Jose, and on the day of the opening, I invited Raoul and his understudy over to my place for lunch-a peace offering, you might say! I had prepared some very special dishes-stuffed grape leaves, salad with home-made dressing, and strawberry tarts for dessert! All with my own special ingredient-barbiturates!"
I gasped and then exclaimed, "You poisoned them!"
"I did no such thing, my dear! I merely drugged them! You see, the idea was not to kill them, only to knock them out long enough so I could take Christine back," Erik said calmly, as he sat down on the piano bench.
"But you nearly killed Christine!" I exclaimed.
He shook his head and replied, "I only did so as an afterthought. You see, I had only meant to threaten her with the knife, not kill her! It was only after I saw the police in the wings waiting to arrest me after the performance that I stabbed her right there on stage."
"But you tried to kill Joseph!" I protested.
"Only because he caught me switching the knives! I didn't mean to hit him as hard as I did. Look! I'm not a cold-blooded killer, Roberta! I'm only a desperate man...and desperate men take desperate measures! Isn't that what one of your founding fathers said once?" Erik asked, and then added coldly, "Just as I did the night before last!"
At first I was puzzled at his comment, and then I sat back in the chair in shock and disbelief. "My God, Erik! You killed Carlos!" I exclaimed, and then added, "Why?"
"Why do you think I killed him! Are you really so dumb? Because he found out who I was and had violated my parole, that's why! Now, do you really think that I'd just stand there behind the mirror and watch him seduce and then betray you? I heard him try to blackmail you! I saw him come on to you! My dear, do you really think he would have let you stay on at the opera house once he got you into his bed? He would have found a way to get you fired just like Carlotta was trying to do! Besides, who do you think got him to audition in the first place? If I could, I'd find a way to kill her, too!" Erik exclaimed, becoming agitated again.
"But, murder? Haven't you done enough?" I exclaimed
"Murder is very easy, once you've done it!" he retorted.
"My God! The understudy!" I whispered, remembering that the poor man had died from the drugs he had ingested.
Erik sighed as he rose from the piano bench. He slowly walked over to the unlit stove and, facing it, leaned on it and said, "You don't understand me, my dear! There are some deaths that are regrettable and his is one of them. Carlos', on the other hand was not! I truly enjoyed watching him struggle and hearing his neck snap as I garroted him! Watching his body slide into the river was even more pleasurable!"
"My God, how can you even think that way!" I exclaimed.
Erik suddenly turned around to face me. "How? Do you really
want to know how I can feel pleasure in someone else' pain? Do you
know what it's like to watch the woman you love betray you in front of
the whole world? Do you know what it's like to listen to your beloved
tell about her escapades with her lover, while she was yet underage?" he
shouted. I gasped in shock. He calmed down a little, and added
coldly, "That's right! At my...trial, Christine revealed that she
and Raoul had been lovers from the time she was fifteen! With her
father's knowledge! With her father's permission! With her
father's blessing! My God! If it had been my daughter, I would
have shot them both! My sister was right-the Swedes, they are a permissive
race, parlez-vous?"
"But violence won't solve anything!" I protested.
"Violence? You don't know what violence is, woman!" Erik roared back. "Violence? You think I'm violent! Try being pushed down the hill at Sacre-Coeur face first by the police! Try being sodomized in prison with the guards watching and doing absolutely nothing to stop it! Try being tortured in prison by both the prisoners and the guards! Try having your teeth knocked out, your nose ripped off your face and your head scalped! And nothing, absolutely nothing done to the perpetrators! Violence? What in the hell do you know about violence?" he roared. I shook my head, incredulous that he would make such outlandish charges. Infuriated at my reaction, Erik screamed, "You don't believe me? Well, look at this!"
He ripped the mask off his face and the wig off his head in one sweeping motion, and I nearly fainted right there as I sat. I had never seen anything like what I saw that night, not even when watching war footage on television. The upper part of Erik's face was swollen and discolored with bruises under his eyes-bruises that were still purple and green in spite of the years that had passed since his torture. The left side of his face had several small scars and both the left eye and the left corner of his mouth were turned up. However, it was the center of his face that drew my attention, for there was no nose on his face. There was only a black hole where his nose was once-a hole that had two tiny dark red circles at the upper end. As for his head, there was only a thin layer of skin covering the top of his skull which allowed the bare bone to show through. At the base of his neck and at his temples and ears were a few wisps of nearly white hair which stuck out in all directions. In short, his entire head gave the impression of a decaying skull, which shocked me so much that I put my right hand up to my mouth to keep from screaming. It was not the ugliness of his face that shocked me so much as the bitterness of his soul-bitterness that was reflected in the blackness of his eyes! Bitter though I was at my lot in life up to that point, my bitterness paled in comparison to his.
"Don't you think Raoul's friends did a wonderful job with my face? Don't you think they did a good nose job? They said it was too big, so they'd take care of it? And my hair! They said I had too much of it! Don't you think they made me into a handsome prince?"
I closed my eyes and turned away from him. "My God!" I whispered.
"Look at me!" he roared. Erik lunged at me again, and grabbing my shoulders, pulled me out of the chair again. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" he screamed as he pulled my hair, forcing my head back and thus, forcing me to look at his face.
"Erik, please!" I sobbed, closing my eyes and finding myself unable to look at him.
"Violence doesn't solve anything!" he mimicked and then coldly added, "You don't know how right you are! Do you know how I got this...face?" I shook my head. "Well, let me tell you! I escaped from the prison the authorities sent me-I escaped twice, as a matter of fact. The first time I only got as far as Marseilles but the second time, I got to within a few kilometers of Paris. Raoul knew it was only a matter of time before I escaped again, even though I was put into solitary confinement after the second escape. So, he took steps to make sure I would never again threaten him or Christine. He got his drug-dealing Mafia friends to take care of me, and so they did. First, they got me alone after I was released from solitary confinement and they sodomized me while the guards watched! Then, they distracted the guards long enough to...do all of this!" He pointed to his face, and then added even more coldly, "They thought their job was finished, so they left me for dead! But, that's all right! They aren't alive anymore to tell the tale. One died in a prison fight with another inmate shortly thereafter, and another died in an escape attempt-shot by a guard as he tried to make it over the fence, the fool! The third one I hunted down and killed after I was released from prison. So, you see, my dear, I've killed three people already in my life-a fourth will make no difference to me!"
"My God! Erik! Why? I'd never tell!" I exclaimed.
"You got that right, my dear! You'll never live to tell!" he said
menacingly as he pulled my head back again.
Trying to stall for time, I then asked, "If Carlos only knew that you
tried to kill Christine and Raoul, why did you kill him as well?
It's common knowledge what you did twenty five years ago!"
"Maybe the events of twenty five years ago, but not the ones of five years ago! You see, the terms of my parole were these-I would never return to the city of Paris, nor would I ever teach again. But...I can't live without music! What is there for me in the Bocage? All the churches and shrines are closed-so where can I play? For that matter, where can I even sing? Besides, there are no jobs around here! What could I ever do for a living around here? Farm? And for what? The farmers themselves can't even make a living! No! The only place for me is Paris-to hell with my parole agreement!" Erik replied coldly.
"So why did you violate your parole by teaching me?" I asked, still very frightened at what he planned to do with me.
"My dear, I've told you many times that I need beauty in order to live! Your voice isn't anything like Christine's-it doesn't have the same range or flexibility, but it's still...salvageable. While it didn't sound like much at first, it's now more...agreeable to my ear than it once was. It's too bad that you won't live to audition for the chorus-you would have made a fine addition to the company!" he replied as he tightened his grip on my hair.
"Wait, Erik! Tell me one more thing before you kill me! Tell me why you were released from prison in the first place!" I pleaded with him.
"Trying to buy more time from me, are you? Well, it's to your credit that you aren't begging for your life, so for that, you deserve a few more moments on this earth! After all, what can it hurt to know that I had developed diabetes while in prison and was actually dying of it, when my sister visited me in the prison infirmary and gave me the card of a good lawyer-Mme. Renard. You know, the one I recommended to you for your legal troubles. My mother had died soon after I went to prison, so my sister was all I had left-and seeing how I didn't want to lose her support as well, I took her advice and got Mme. Renard to take my case. After several months, the lawyer got me released from prison on the argument that my ill health and my...injuries...left me...how shall I put this?...unable to be much of a threat! As you can see, my face...if you call this a face!...hasn't healed much in the over twenty years since I was initially beaten! At any rate, the parole board agreed with Mme. Renard, so I was released nearly six years ago, and after serving my five years' probation, I am now a free man! Free of every one of my obligations! Free of everything-everything except my love of music-and Christine! He replied coldly as he put his hand into his pocket and pulled out a coil of thin wire and uncoiled it while still holding me against his body and pulling my head back with his right hand. My God! He's really going to kill me! I thought as I looked up into his eyes which were still black. "My dear, I think you should know that it pains me to kill you! I always looked forward to our English lessons and, after your voice improved, I looked forward to our singing lessons as well! I shall miss them-and you!" he exclaimed softly as he wrapped the wire around my neck.
Almost without thinking, I replied, "Erik, there is one last thing I ask of you-this!" I then put my arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips. Surprised at my actions, he tried to draw back, but I pulled his head forward and continued to kiss him. Normally, I would have been revolted by kissing a man with no face and dentures for teeth, but I pushed all my feelings of disgust away and continued to stand there and kiss him.
He groaned after a moment and pulled away long enough to whisper, "What do you think you're doing?"
"Asking for, and receiving my final request!" I whispered back, and then pulled his head toward me and kissed him again. After another moment, I felt his left arm drop to his side and felt the thin wire around my neck slip down under my shirt. I opened my eyes just enough to see a tear fall from Erik's right eye and slide down his cheek. Then, I felt his whole body relax and saw that his eyes were returning to their natural blue color. Is he returning to sanity? I wondered as I closed my eyes and felt his right arm drop as well, and then both arms entwine my waist as he began to kiss me back, hesitating at first, and then becoming more passionate.
"My God! How long has it been!" I heard him whisper as he stopped
kissing my lips and then start to kiss my neck. Then, he pulled me
closer to him and began to kiss my cheeks before moving back to my lips
and kissing them again, even more passionately than before. "How
could I have ever hurt you? You're my second chance! My salvation!
How could I even think of hurting you! You've broken her spell!"
I heard him whisper as he kissed me passionately again, forcing my lips
apart. Finally, as with great effort, he stopped kissing me and pulled
himself back. "What am I going to do with you? I can't let
you live, and yet...how can I kill you? How am I going to explain
your disappearance? That...con, and even Carlos, for that matter,
won't be missed! But you? What am I going to do with you, woman!
You've wormed your way into my heart, and in just one kiss...with just
one kiss, managed to disarm me completely, not to mention stealing my heart
while you were at it! I want you, and yet...how can I let you live?
You know everything about me...you know too much! And yet, I can't
bear..." Seeing that he was getting agitated again, and feeling that
I had completely failed to restore his sanity, there was only one thing
left I could do. I bolted for the door and ran out of the house into
the late afternoon rainstorm.