Part 9: - "My Memories Serve Me Far Too Well"
George
wakes up naked 2 p.m. the day after, and wonders about what
happened the evening before. He thinks back and realises what he
has done, and notices that Sarah is gone.
- For heaven's sake, poor Sarah...
He thinks about the pain he might have caused her, and how he
thoughtlessly used her for his own benefit. He covers his head
with the blanket and wants to undo the whole thing, but knows
that a thing like this can't be undone. It can't even be
forgotten. He has to go and talk to her, but doesn't dare just
yet. He can't face her and tell her what she already knows.
- How could I possibly be that stupid and
thoughtless?
All he can think about is Sarah's cute face and what she must go
through this very minute. She knows that he didn't make love to
her, but to Tania. Why can't he forget about Tania? What makes
her so special? He takes a glimpse over his bed and sees all the
clippings and pictures of her, and takes a deep breath.
- Not exactly a turn-on for poor Sarah,
he has to admit.
He gets out of his bed and into the shower. Tries to wash his sin away and forget the whole thing, but it doesn't work. It doesn't work at all... He feels absolutely terrible and tries to figure out how to face her again. Half an hour later he is still as confused as he was when he woke up. Before he gets dressed properly he picks down pictures of Tania. They are all part of something he wishes were only a bad dream, but sadly they are a proof of reality. A part of the fact that he just lost his best friend for some girl who doesn't even care whether he is alive or not.
An hour
goes by, and he still walks around. From the window and over to
the bathroom and on the bed to take down Tania's pictures while
sipping from a bottle of Jack Daniels. He notices the pink cards
on the kitchen table and sits down on the bed with them.
- "No one loves you as much as I do",
"Love is painful, that is true. Not to love is painful too.
But still, I think, the greatest pain. Is to love and not be
loved again", "I don't know exactly when I first knew I
loved you, maybe I always have", "Take away the sun.
Take away the stars in the sky. Take away the air that I breathe.
I swear I wouldn't notice with you by my side", "If you
are the desert I'll be the sea. If you ever hunger, hunger for
me. Whatever you ask for that's what I'll be",
he reads aloud to himself.
He drinks the last drop of the Scotch, and all the sudden
something accurse to him: Why did Sarah agree to go to bed with
him in the first place? Then everything makes sense.
- It has to be Sarah! What a jerk I've been! I've
used a woman who has these strong feelings for me, and now I'm
not even man enough to confront her! I have to go to her!
He gets
dressed and walks over to her house. Way too drunk to hold a
decent conversation, but he doesn't think about that now. He just
has to talk to her, has to tell her how sorry he is.
- You will sound just like the pathetic bastard that
you are, he tells himself.
When he reaches her door, he notices that it's locked. When he
rings the bell she doesn't answer. The lights are turned off, and
the place looks deserted. Is she really gone? Maybe she is out
shopping, maybe she will be back soon..?!?
He thinks of every possibility, and figures out that he needs to get sober before he can do anything. So he stumbles back to his own place and sits down in the hall - where he falls asleep.
His dearest friend is gone. It is too painful for her to look him in the eyes, and hear him say that it didn't mean anythi ng. That he loves Tania, and that she was only her replacement for one night. He means everything to her, but she is too shy to let it show...