A gentlemen dressed in white entered the room. He held a file in his hand, with a
dissapointing look on his face.
"Mrs. Johnson, Carrie?" Carrie and her mom turned their attention away from the
floor, and looked at the Doctor. This is what they had been waiting for.
Carrie began to get sick again the day after she and Taylor watched Titanic. Then, one
day, as she was combing her hair after taking a shower, she noticed a small, but big
enough, lump on her head. "What?" Taylor said astounded at what Carrie's mom had just said as she cried.
She just shook her head, and held the kleenex to her nose, and then wiped her eyes.
"They'll have to do surgery as soon as possible to remove the tumor." she made
out in between sobs.
"I'm sorry..." Taylor said as he reached up and hugged her. Tears were ready to
roll over the brim of his eyes, and they did. He sniffled, and continued to hug her in the
middle of the waiting room.
"She's dying." was all he kept repeating through his mind. "Carrie, is
dying."
CHAPTER 13
Taylor found himself along the beach. He was there all by himself, grieving over his pain,
with tears occationally dropping down. He couldn't belive it. It all had happened so fast.
Carrie was sick, Carrie went to the doctor, Carrie had cancer. It was all too much for
him, everything was rolled up into a ball and thrown at him all at once...too much for him
to handle.
He picked up a rock, and tossed it into the chilling water. All he could think about was
Carrie. All he could think about was her electrifying smile. All he could think about was
the days he had with Carrie in the past two years....
"No, no. Like this." Taylor said as he laughed.
"Well, I donno what I'm doing." she answered back. He took her hands, and placed
it on the keyboard.
"Now, just keep 'em there." he said, still laughing. Trying to teach Carrie how
to play a little note on the keyboards was harder than he had thought.
She slammed the keys down hard with frustration. "I can't do this." she laughed.
"Yes you can."
"No I can't, I don't have the coordination."
"Carrie, you're a gymnast. Don't tell me you don't have the coordination." he
insisted.
"I still can't do it."
"Come here." He once again grabbed her wrists and placed her fingers in the
right position. "Okay, press these down lightly, and then do this..." She did
what he said and got out a few notes.
"I'm a pro." she joked.
"Oh yeah, you'll make it big some day." he laughed.
She spinned around and looked at him. "Thanks teacher." she smiled.
"Anytime." he smiled back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him
lightly.
"You're a great teacher." she whispered.
"Uh-huh." he murmured as he nuzzled his head into her neck, kissing it softly.
She kissed him on the cheek, and he brought his head up, and they gently and sofly kissed
on the lips. "I love you." he whispered.
Carrie laughed. "I love you too."
Taylor grinned at the thoughts. Then, his smile dissapeared. "I took everything for
granted." he thought. "I took it all for granted."....
"No!" Carrie screeched as she jumped. Taylor came to pick her up from gymnastics
practice, and he was chasing her out to the car. Whenever he would catch up to her, he
would pinch her hips, and she would scream.
"Got ya!" he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist. He pulled her back
and rested his chin on her head.
"No!" she screamed as she tried to run away. He held on to her tight and she
finally gave up.
"Looks like I got you." he cheerfully said.
"Not anymore!" she turned around and gave him a light tickle in the stomach. She
quickly turned and ran the other way.
"Hey!" he said as he chased after her.
Taylor chuckled. "We were like little kids." was the thought that ran through
his mind. He began to think of one of the best moments in his life.....
"Carrie dumped John. You dumped Maddy. IT'S PERFECT!" Ike explained. "If
you still feel that you like her, call her or something."
"I still do. I always did." Taylor explained. "I think I was just trying to
get the rebound with Maddy."
"There ya go." Ike said, making hand gestures. There was a pause.
"You think I should call her?"
"Yup. If she still likes you, it'll work out. And then you'll know if it was meant to
be." Ike again explained.
"Okay, but if she hates me, it's your fault."
"Oh God." he murmured. "Wait! Better yet, go and see her. It'll be more
sincere." he quickly thought up.
"Ike, you're a genious." Taylor laughed.
"I know." he bragged. And with that, Taylor was out the door.
He anxiously knocked on her front door, hoping she was there. He heard a meak little
"Just a minute." come from inside. His heart was racing, he had goosebumps, and
he was as nervous as ever. She came to the door with a surprised look on her face.
"Taylor. Hi." she said opening the door. "Come in."
"Hi." he felt awkward. "Look, I'm just going to get right down to the
point." he said with seriousness.
"What is it?" she said concered.
"Oh, no, it's nothing like that. It's just..." he licked his lips and thought
hard as he took a seat on the couch. She sat down next to him, and faced him.
"I just..." he sighed. "I don't know how to say this."
"Just say it." she encouraged.
"Carrie, I.." he took a deep breath. "I think we should be together. It's
been too hard. I think we were meant to be. And I..."
"I know." she agreed.
Taylor was shocked. "What?" he dazily asked.
"I think we should be together too. It's been too much. I just wanted to see what it
would be like away from you...but now, I know I can't live without you." she stated
sincerely.
"I can't live without you either." Taylor whispered outloud. He picked up
another stone, and chucked it into the water.
"I love you, always forever, may you run far, we'll stay together, everywhere, I will
be with you"... was the words that were being balsted from the speakers at the dance.
Taylor and Carrie were dancing with their arms wrapped around eachother. Taylor began to
sing to the words, which made the song sound even better. As the song ended, he sang it
one last time to Carrie. "I love you , always forever, may you run far, we'll stay
together...."
"And I mean it Carrie. I will love you forever." he said so sweetly.
"You are too sweet." she smiled, as she leaned in for a kiss.
"And I will. I will always love her." he said outloud. He began to sob. He
rarely cried, but this time he couldn't hold them back. "I love her." he spat
out between sobs. "I love her too much to let her go."
*******************************************
Back at the hospital, things were getting worse. Carrie was getting more sick every
moment, and the surgery to remove the tumor was to be done tomorrow.
"Where's Tay?" she meakly asked her mother.
"He just went home for an hour or two." she explained.
"Oh. Just an hour?"
"Yes, he should be back in a few minutes actually."
Just then, Taylor ran into the room, out of breath. "Carrie, I have to tell you
something."
"What is it?" she questioned in a worried tone.
"I'll leave you two alone." Carrie's mom smiled. She walked out of the room, and
wandered down the hall.
He ran to her side. "Carrie, I was just thinking about us."
"Tay, I donno if this is a good time. I don't feel too good right now." she
meakly said, closing her eyes.
"No no. You don't have to do anything, just sit there and listen, I have a lot to
say."
She nodded her head as best she could.
"Carrie, from the very first day I met you on the beach I knew you were special. You
just had something about you that was irrasistable. I mean, over the years, we have had
some great times. For awhile, we broke up, but then, we were pulled together again. It was
meant to be.
"I always told you I loved you. You knew I cared, and I did, but was it to the extent
of love? I barely even knew wha love was, and now....now I have figured it out.
"Now, it has come to this. I think about you every minute, I am constantly worried
about you, and I know what love is now. Carrie, I love your smile, I love your kindness, I
love your sensitivity, I love your beauty, your touch, your sense of humor, your
toughness, and your strength. love everything about you. This time, I'm saying it, and I'm
meaning it with all my heart. Carrie, I love you."
Suddenly, a machine started to make an irriating buzzing noise. Taylor panicked.
"Carrie? Carrie?" he shook her. There was nothing, no movement. "Carrie? Oh
my God. Doctor!! Doctor!! Help!!"
CHAPTER 14
"Clear!" The doctor screamed, with hope in his voice. Taylor and Carrie's mom
were standing in the corner, saying all the prayers they could.
"Please God. Please God." Taylor whispered as he closed his eyes and tilted his
head up towards the ceiling. The only sounds that were coming from Carrie's mom were sobs.
"Clear!" The Doctor once again rang. There was a lot of tension, hope, and
confusion going on in the room. "Come on, come on." the Dr. Neuton softly said.
"Doctor.....we have a pulse." a nurse gulped.
"Oh thank God!" Mrs. Johnson screamed. "Oh, thank you!" She ran to
hold her daughter in her arms. Taylor sat there, staring straight ahead, not knowing what
to do.
"Mrs. Johnson....you do know of course that this means that the surgery will have to
be done in a matter of moments. If this happens again....well....there is a very risky
chance. We must get her to surgery right away." the Doctor scientifically stated.
She nodded. "Yes. Please, just do what you can." she sniffled.
"Alright, let's take her to surgery guys." he motioned to the other nurses and
Doctors in the room.
"Make sure that she is treated well..." Mrs. Johnson started.
"We will Mrs. Johnson. We will." He patted her on the shoulder, and then rolled
Carrie out of the room and down the hall.
"Take care of her!" Mrs. Johnson called down the hall. She turned to Taylor, who
had tears in his eyes. "She's gonna be okay, Taylor. She's gonna be okay."
"I know...she's gonna be just fine." he said as he hugged Carrie's mom. He said
this, not knowing if it would be true. He hoped, he prayed, that he was right...but only
time would tell.
******************************************************
"Mrs. Johnson?" Dr. Neuton entered the room.
"Yes?" She said waking up in the waiting room. It's was 3 a.m. She blinked many
times to wake up. "Taylor, Taylor, wake up, the Doctor is here." she nudged him.
"Huh? Huh?" he looked around. "Oh." he stood up, stretching.
"Well....Carrie is fine, she has delt with the surgery just fine. But....."
"But?" Mrs. Johnson interrupted.
He cleared his throat. "But, we didn't get the whole tumor out. We started loosing a
pulse, so we had to cut it short. She pulled through, but, there is still part of the
tumor in there....which could be very dangerous, considering that it is very close to the
brain. We did, however, get most of it out." he paused. "We would like to do
surgery again at dawn."
Mrs. Johnson began to sob again. Taylor tried to comfort her as the doctor left the room.
"She's still here...I mean, she's gonna live, Taylor. She's gonna live. Carrie is
strong. She's gonna pull through."
Taylor didn't know if this was true. Cancer was a big thing...something that wiped out
millions of people every year. " I hope so." was all he could say.
************************************************************
Taylor found himself at Carrie's bedside. They were about to start surgery, but he was at
her side every minute he got. She had tubes running up her nose, he face was pale, her
eyes were closed, and she had lost weight. But, ironically, she had a slight smile on her
face. The smile that Taylor loved seeing, the one that always brightened up his day. He
started to grin at the first time he saw her smile, that time on the beach that they first
met.
"Okay, we'll be starting now..." the Doctor announced, entering the room with
nurses following him. Taylor got up from his seat, and greeted the Doctor.
"Alright." he meakly said.
"Let's take her out." he once again announced, the same scene was being played
before Taylor. He watched her as she
rolled by, and suddenly, he stopped the Doctors from moving it.
"Umm, we have to take her...to surgery young man." a nurse called out from
behind the bed.
"I know..." he started to cry. "But.... if this is the last time I see her,
I wanna make sure I see her smiling."
The nurse smiled. Tay lor moved some hairs from Carrie's face, and gently kissed her
forehead. "Be strong, Carrie. Be strong." he whispered. He then allowed the heap
of nurses and doctors to pull her away.
*****************************************************
Taylor was later found in the hospital cafeteria by Zac. He was fidgeting with an empty
milk carton.
"Hey...." Zac softly said, pulling up a chair next to Taylor. Taylor said
nothing, and just kept on twirling with the milk carton. Zac didn't know what to do...he
had never seen his brother like this. "I...." he stopped. "I really think
she's gonna be okay....knowing Carrie..." Taylor still said nothing. "Come on
Tay....say something. I'm not used to this....."
"ZAC! What the hell do you want me to say? Huh? God, she's my girlfriend! You have no
idea how many times I've heard, 'she's gonna be okay.' You don't know how many times! And,
now I'm getting sick of it because....I don't know if it's true! I have no idea what's
going on.....the stupid doctors never let me know a thing. All I get to do is sit here,
and wait. Wait. That's all I get to do. If you want me to go blabbing on about something,
you can forget it because me girlfriend is dying! You wouldn't be too talkative if yours
was. Now shut-up, and just let me think!!"
Zac tried to brake the tension. "But Tay....I don't even have a girlfriend. Hope
dumped me....evidently I was always looking at other girls. I don't know where she would
get that idea...." he smirked.
Taylor shot him an evil look. "Get out. My girlfriend is dying, and that's all you
have to say?" he started to cry. "Get out."
"I'm sor..."
"Get out." Taylor said in a deep, and angry voice. But it wasn't a shout. It was
a patient, angry, and slow tone. It was as if he was getting sick of everything that was
going on.
"Taylor, I really am sorry.....I...." he gave up, knowing that his brother
wasn't about to listen, and walked out the door. But Taylor was right, all he could really
do was wait. He took a seat again, and watched the clock. He laened bak in the chair, and
sighed. He waited.
CHAPTER 15
"Hey....I'm sorry that I blew up at you earlier." Taylor mumbled looking down at
the floor and lightly skimming his shoe across it.
"Hey man, it's okay. I shouldn't have said anything anyway....this must be hard on
you." Zac softly stated.
Taylor just sniffed and nodded. "I just...." he started to get tears in his
eyes. "I...."
"Tay, it's okay." Zac didn't know what to say. He was always used to receiving
advice from his brother...not giving it. "I'm here if you ever need to talk...."
"It's just that...I wish everything would go back to normal. I mean, I never used to
have to worry about her making it through surgery, or if it would be the last time I would
see her. I was always worried about what time we were going to the mall, or the movies, or
what time she was gonna come over. It's all so overwhelming....I don't know what to
do...or how to act. I just want her to be okay." he started to cry, and he rubbed his
eyes. He had just poured everything out that he had had locked up in him for so long.
"What should I say?? Don't screw up, PLEASE don't let me screw up." Zac thought.
He looked around for some ideas. "Here goes...." he though hoping something good
would come out.
"Tay...I believe that God does everything for a reason. I mean, if He wants to have
Carrie up with Him, I'm sure it's for a good reason. You just have to keep hoping and
praying, and then I know that God isn't going to want to put that kind of a burden on you.
I don't think that He will want to hurt anyone that loves her....especially you Tay.
But.....if I know Carrie, she's gonna pull through. She's gonna make it, and don't you
ever ever doubt that." he sympathetically comforted. It was a rare moment in time
that Zac was serious, but it helped to smooth things down.
Then, Taylor did something that was very un-expectant. He threw himself into his brother,
and hugged him. "Thanks Zac. It means a lot. It really does."
Zac, a little surprised at Taylor's actions, kept on repeating, "YES! I said the
right stuff!" over and over in his mind.
"Anytime, Tay. Anytime." he said patting his brothers back as he hugged him. As
he heard his brothers lonely and painful cries, he began to get a little teary-eyed too.
NOW, he knew what Taylor felt....he felt the pain as if it was his own, and hugged his
brother tightly. And they hugged, letting their tears do the talking.
***************************************************
"Mrs. Johnson, you also have to understand that she is still sick. We removed a very
large portion of what was left of the tumor, but we can't remove the rest. Every time we
even touch it.....she goes out on us. I mean, she comes back to us...she's very
strong...but if we take it out, there's no telling as to what could happen. There is a
slight possiblity that she'll stay with us...." he paused. "But a bigger one
that she won't. So, what we are going to have to do is keep her in the hospital, and keep
an eye on what's left of the tumor. She's not in very good condition right now...and there
is now an even bigger possibility that she might pass. But, there's no telling....no
guarentees...it's up to the tumor. Right now, it controls if she lives, or if she dies.
And, there isn't anything that we can really do about it. I'm sorry." the doctor
tried to explain.
She stared at him. She stared hard. She noticed every intricate detail about him. His
little white jacket, with pens sticking out of the pockets, his polished shoes, and his
hairless head. She hated him. He seemed so cruel. How dare he tell her that her own
daughter is dying, and that he can't do a thing about it. "I don't beleive that you
can't do anything about it." she said this stone hard, not letting any tears crack
her voice. "You CAN do something about it...my God it's a little tumor. Something
this little is NOT going to ruin my daughters life. She has a long way to go...so much
ahead of her....and you're not even going to TRY and help her?" her voice started to
get louder, and even more irritating.
"Now, we've done everything we possibly can do..."
"No, I don't think you have...or she would be safe and healthy at home right
now...YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!" she screamed.
"Mrs. Johnson...you don't understand...."
"NO! NO! YOU don't understand. Do you have kids?"
There was silence.
"Huh? DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Come on, you're a Doctor, you should be able to figure this
one out." she rudely added.
He stood there shocked, and stuttered out, "Y...Yes, I have 2 little boys."
She nodded. "Okay, good. Now, let's pretend you get home today and your wife is
crying at the kitchen table. You ask her what's wrong...she looks up with teary eyes, and
blubbers out to you that your kids died today in a car wreck. You hope to God that she's
kidding....but then again, why joke at something like that? Then, reality sinks
in...you're kids are dead. You stand there and watch her cry. What do you say? What do you
do? How do you act?"
There was complete silence.
The Doctor wanted to say something, but only moved his lips and nothing came out.
"That's right. You don't know how to act. Now, I don't wanna be in that situation. I
don't wanna be crying over my dead daughter. Once she's gone, she's gone...she can't come
back. But now, she's still alive....give her the chance to breathe normally again.
Something can still be done. Don't be cold. Think about MY situation. Think about how you
would feel if it were your kid. Pretend that you love her...treat her as if it were your
own child. Don't run away because the task looks too difficult. Would you bail out on it
if it were your own child?" She wept. She cried. She sobbed. And then, the Doctor
started to have tears sting his eyes.
"I will do what I can....but there's not too much to do." Then, to avoid
embarrasment, he briskly walked out the door.
She collapsed to the floor and buried her head in her hands. She rocked back and forth,
crying and crying. She felt she couldn't be strong anymore. It was all over. Life was
becoming a threat...life was becoming darkness. She no longer believed that it would all
be okay. Now, the clouds were getting darker, and were closing in on her.....and her
daughter.
The sound of raindrops pounded on the window. Thunder clapped and rattled the land.
Everything was turning to darkness.
***********************************************
She looked so peaceful. Lightly laying there, with her arms gently placed on her stomach.
He face was pale and thin, and she had tubes running through her nose. Her eyes were
closed, and her lips were sealed.
Taylor stared at his "Snow White"....hoping that he could give her one simple
kiss and then she would wake. But this was no fairytale. This was real life. Why was life
so cruel? Why was life so demanding and impatient? Why wasn't it understanding or kind and
gentle? Why was is so hard?
The drape of death had not covered Carrie yet. She layed in the uncomfortable hospital
bed, and slept for nearly 3 days now. Taylor was there at all times. He always made Zac or
Ike go and get him some horrible food from the hospital cafeteria. He never took his eye
off her, he never flinched, just stared...hoping and hoping that she would soon wake.
He started to drift asleep...thinking of the 'good 'ol days' when the relationship between
him and Carrie was so simple. He started thinking of all the times he said he loved her.
And it all led him to the last time he told her. Right before she almost died. It made him
wonder..did she ever hear it? Suddenly, he heard his name. It sounded like Carrie...he was
dreaming. He must have been dreaming....Carrie was sleeping. He heard it again. He tilted
his head in his sleep. There it was again. "What? What?" he whispered outloud,
still sleeping. He heard it again. It sounded so real...so loud. He opened his eyes.
What he saw then, he could barely believe. He saw Carrie. Awake. "It's a dream. It's
got to be a dream." he thought.
"Carrie?" he asked outloud.
She blinked repeatedly...making sure she was awake. "Ta...Ta...Taylor?" she
stuttered.
He stood still....and stared. He rubbed his eyes..."Carrie? Are you awake?"
She rubbed her forehead, and then nodded. He quickly pinched himslef to make sure he
wasn't dreaming. It hurt, and he found out that he was awake.
He ran over to her, and cupped her head in his hands. "Thank God you're okay."
She smiled. "There it is. I love that smile. I've been waiting to see it for 3
days." She laughed a little. He sat down next to her on her bed, and continued on
looking directly into her eyes.
"Carrie....I have finally found out what it would be like to loose you, and I know
that I would never be able to live through it." he paused.
"Oh come on, don't get so mooshy mooshy over me Tay..."
"No, Carrie. I'm going to. You are the most important thing to me in the whole
world." Her smile faded. She realized that he was serious.
"But Tay.."
"No no. Don't talk, just listen." he said holding his index finger up to her
lips. "If I ever lost you...I would..." he started to cry.
"Oh Tay-Tay." she put some loose hairs that were dangling in his face behind his
ear, and wiped his tears. "You were always so sweet." she smiled.
He laughed a little. "I finally found out what...." He was inturrupted.
"You finally found out what love was. And you love me. I know." she finished.
Taylor was stunned. "How...how did you know that?"
"I've heard it before." she smiled.
"You did? You did?" he started to get excited. "You heard it all?" he
didn't wait for her to answer. "Well, I want you to know that I DO love you and that
I meant every single word I said. Carrie, I DO love you."
"I know. Taylor, I knew it all along. I knew you cared..."
"Yeah, but, I really didn't know what love was! I thought I did, but I didn't. And
then, this happened, and now I know. It's too bad that this had to happen to you for me to
realize it all...but now I know, and I love you. I will always be here for you....."
he paused once again. "In Love....and War."
She didn't know what to say, she was shocked, she was overjoyed.
"I'm gonna help you fight this, Carrie. You're not going out on me now."