Chester : Are You a Lad?

Are You a Lad?

Okay, you’ve got the clothes, you’ve got the C.D.’s, and you’ve got the football team. But are you really a true lad? Well, with this quick and simple personality test by CHESTER Research Analysis Papers Pty. Ltd., you can find out whether you’ve got what it takes to hang out with Liam, Damon, and co.

1. MY FAVOURITE FOOTBALL TEAM IS....
a) United / ‘Pool / Gooners / A fallen giant pissing around in Endsleigh League Division 2
b) Manc*****r City / Chelsea / Newcastle United
c) Carlton / Collingwood / Richmond
d) Raiders / Cowboys / 49er's

2. COMPLETE THE SENTENCE: "OASIS ARE..."
a) Fuckin’ Bertie Magoos who can't cope with the fact that City have gone 20 years and won fuck all
b) The best thing to have come out of Manchester since the Smiths
c) The band that play Wonderwall on MMM all the time.
d) A brand of drink sold by that cool dude with the dreddies

3. MY FAVOURITE READING IS....
a) Red Issue / Through The Wind And Rain / Loaded
b) N.M.E. / The Face / Select
c) The meeting point column in the Herald Sun
d) The other side of my baseball cards

4. THE FIRST THING THAT COMES INTO MY MIND WHEN YOU SAY BLUR IS...
a) Dickheads. So they think they're fuckin’ Chelsea fans? Probably wouldn't know how to find the Shed, let alone the fuckin’ Headhunters.
b) Damon
c) Drinking
d) Dictionary...what does blur mean?

5. GREEN DAY ARE...
a) Fucking Yankee wankers who think they're the fucking Clash or Buzzcocks
b) Something that JJJ think will give them credibility
c) A really, really cool alternative band that I dig
d) An environmental group like Greenpeace.

6. IN 1977 I WAS...
a) Beating the shit out of some fans of come crap provincial football team
b) Very young, but I remember the stir the Sex Pistols were making
c) Learning how to drink larger shandies with me dad
d) Not born yet

7. ELASTICA IS...
a) The band with the babe that Liam Oasis wants to shag
b) The band who's singer is Damon Blur's girlfriend
c) Something used at the base of condoms to help hold them in place
d) Yo dude, ya dissin’ me man?

8. I'M A LAD BECAUSE I'M...
a) Fuck, this is a really stupid question
b) Watching the football replays on the ABC every Monday night and after watching International gladiators I can mimic John Fashanu's accent
c) Don't you mean one of the boys?
d) What the fuck is a lad?

Scorecard

MOSTLY A'S: You are one of the original lads. Drenched in ale and the original terrace culture of the Streford End/Spion Kop/North Bank, you're down to earth and don't put up with the posers from London like Blur. You don't exactly like Oasis, but hey, at least they spent their formative years in the Kippax Stand. You're also a liar because true lads wouldn't read an Australian Zine on the English scene no matter how cool and groovy Chester is.

MOSTLY B'S: You're a new lad. Your Adidas runners and 70's T-shirt are brand new, just like the football team that you follow. Damon, Alex, Noel and Liam are GODS and you have pictures of Justine Elastica all over your bedroom walls. But you'll never be a true lad because you were born and bred in Australia, so you'll never get the accent right, let alone the attitude. Go and read the lyrics to Common People. Now!.

MOSTLY C'S: You're not a lad. More of a mate really. So listen mate, what are you doing reading this? If you're after that Bon Jovi discography go and and do a search in Yahoo or something.

MOSTLY D'S: You are a homeboy and probably flogged this computer which has internet access and stumbled upon these pages by accident. Your obviously after the Internet site which tells you how to make bombs and stuff. Bugger off!

Daniel Chan and Arden O’Trafford

Design, layout � Chester 1996.