Milo the All-Knowing's Horoscope

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Sexual appeal is now irresistable to opposite sex. Romances flower - Aries, Taurus, Capricorn, Cancer, Sagittarius, Leo, Virgo, Pisces, Gemini, Libra involved. As love relationship heats up, do not neglect academic concerns. Those who doubted you before now quake in your genius. Key Libra admits "Your Greatness has blinded me for years."

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Loss of job. Daughter elopes. Dog runs away, gets hit by your stolen car. Taurus benefits from your misfortune, laughs in your face.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Doom is in the air - begin panic. Natural disaster imminent, Pisces involved. Begin large construction that you have been putting off; perhaps that bomb shelter you always wanted. Learn a new language, open up to new and different cultures, your alien overlords would appreciate your efforts. Focus on communication and travel opportunities.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Job opportunity arrives. Son elopes. New car appears in driveway. Show off your infectious laugh; you find humor in the misfortune of others. Pisces involved.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Troubling news from doctor; Cancer plays prominent role.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Major change in attitude of female companion towards the end of the month, avoid contact at all costs. As skies become dark at night, clarity in vision suffers, turn on lights. Friends begin to avoid you, bathe. Visit from plumber leads to new moon in your horizon.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Financial exchange, money involved. Communication necessary to talk with mate. Domestic adjustment will be made in home. People play significant roles in your life. Emphasize your good qualities, overlook the bad habits of others. Possible change in life, probably soon. Upcoming travel will take you to new places.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You don't want to know.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Magic Eight Ball - "My sources say no."

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Embarassing situation that could be easily avoided, makes you into the butt of many jokes. Could tell you how it could be avoided, but I like to see people suffer. Ha, ha, ha, that really made my day.

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