stand by me

Chapter 3:

"Tay-lor!" Jessie shouted as she walked down the hall toward our room.

I groaned and rolled onto my stomach, burying my head under my pillow. Didn't she know that 11 am was an ungodly hour to be waking a person at.

The door to my bedroom swung open and Jessie burst in, striding over to my bed.

"Taylor! Get up now!" she ordered.

"Um, no. Try again."

"Tay, mom said you have to get up. You're giving me a ride to the mall. Oh yeah, and Lynn, Sarah, Allie, Maxx, and Andrew are catching a ride with us too."

"Jessie..." I was cut off.

"Call me Jess, I'm not 8 anymore you know."

"Jess," I stressed her name, "I'm trying to sulk here. Leave me alone please."

"Taylor, Zoe is sick and mom can't leave her to give me a ride. Dad is at some meeting with some guy about Hanson, Zac can't drive and Ike doesn't live here anymore so that leaves you to give us a ride. I already told Maxx, Lynn, Andrew, Sarah, and Allie that we'd pick them up in about an hour so get moving."

"Well that's just too bad, you'll have to call and cancel."

" You know I could always tell mom about the real reason why her windshield broke�"

" Alright, alright I'm up. Just let me get ready." The little brat was just too damn good at getting her way. It was nauseating.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey, Tay."

"Hi Ike, why are you here so early?"

"Siobhan wanted to help mom cook so we had to come early. Help me get the kid's stuff?" (~AN~ isn't that weird how Isaac has kids and his youngest sister is still only 3. I think it is, and the thing is it's totally possible for that to happen, it's like they have 2 different families within that one group of siblings . Scary and sad th at Zo� may never get to know Ike that well.~)

"Sure."

We walked out to his minivan and started to unload ht plethora of baby paraphernalia.

"Taylor, I figured out how you can find out about Aspyn and the baby."

"How," I perked up a bit at the idea.

"Well remember Lily, Aspyn's best-friend?"

"Yeah, she was cool."

"Well, why don't you call her and ask her how Aspyn is doing. You can beg her not to say anything to Aspyn and I'll bet she'd tell you."

"Ike, you're a genius. Why didn't I think of that before?!"

"Because brother of mine you, are not a genius."

I slapped him on the back and ran into the house, dropping all the baby stuff by the door, and headed up to my room to find Lily's number and give her a call.

I sifted through all the pages of my address book and finally came across Lily's number. I cautiously picked up the phone and dialed her number praying that she would answer.

"Hello, it's Lily. Who's this?"

"Um....hi Lily, it's me Taylor." I nervously spoke.

"Oh, hey Taylor, how's it going?" she seemed unfazed by the fact that I was calling her, although I rarely ever did even when Aspyn and I were still together.

"Fine, but listen I need to ask you something..." I was cut off.

"You want to know how Aspyn is," I swallowed the growing lump in my throat, "I've been waiting for you to call."

"Yes" was all I could manage.

"Aspyn's fine, she had the baby yesterday. It's a girl. I'm not sure about the birth weight and length and Aspyn hasn't picked a name yet but they're in Tulsa General if you want to see them."

"Won't she freak out if she sees me there."

"Look Taylor I like you so I'm going to give it to you straight. You hurt Aspyn a lot; she loved you more than anything in the world. It took her a while but she got over it and now she doesn't want you in her life. I think it's because she's afraid that if she lets you back, even for a second she fall for you again. When I talked to her today she said she didn't care about you but she was lying. I can see right through her, those damned eyes give her away every freaken time. She wants to see you badly, she wants you to be a part of their lives but you're gonna have to prove to her that you are trustworthy and that you'll never do that to her again. It will definitely take some time, if you love her it's worth the shot."

"I do. God, I miss her so much it's tearing me apart but I'm afraid she hates me now. I've got to take the chance though, she means at least that much to me."

"Good. Look, Taylor, visiting hours are over in about an hour so you better get moving. And take it slow with her, she's still hurting and worst of all hormonal. Also, for my sake don't mention this conversation, Aspyn would kill me if she knew about this."

"I won't and I've got to go. Thanks so much, I owe you one!" my smile was about a mile wide as I hung up the phone and ran down the stairs.

"Mom, Dad, Jessie, Avie, Mackie, Zoe, Zac, Isaac, Siobhan, Fiona, Garret!" I shouted as I burst into the kitchen where they were all situated, "Oh and you too Skye" apparently I had forgotten one person in my role call.

"What honey?" my mother asked.

"Guess!"

"Aliens abducted you and you've finally returned to fill your body which has been sulking around the earth for the past few weeks?" Zac guessed inaccurately.

"No!!"

"Oh, darn. Well Mr. Energy, tell us, what has brought you out of the trance you've been in lately."

"You all are looking at the father of a baby girl!"

"Oh, wow." My mother hugged me but I could tell she wasn't sure whether to be happy, sad, shocked or scared. I think she was a combination of them all.

Everyone else gave me a hug and I quickly left for the hospital shouting over my shoulder saying not to wait for me to eat. Zipping through the streets of Tulsa many mixed emotions ran through my mind the most prominent were: joy, love, anxiety, and happiness.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Can you tell me what room Aspyn Frost is in please?" I asked the friendly looking nurse behind the desk in the maternity ward.

"Sure Mr. Hanson, she's in room 316. How would you happen to know her?"

"Oh, um, I, um, she a good friend of mine." I stuttered.

"Oh, ok. Well just to let you know visiting hours end in about 25 minutes."
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"Thanks," I said, as I headed down the hall toward Aspyn's room, not sure of exactly what I was going to do.

I peeked around the doorframe of room 316, and almost to my relief it was empty. I wasn't sure where she was but at least I didn't have to deal with a hateful confrontation just yet. I turned around and headed toward the nursery to see my daughter. My daughter, that sounds so strange to say, that one statement holds so many emotions for me that it's scary.

I stopped in front of the glass windows of the nursery and looked around to see if any of the bassinets had my daughter in it. My eyes fell upon an empty bassinet with pink lining that said in large bold letters, Frost. It also said that she was born at 2:22 am, weighing in at 7-lbs. 6 oz. And she was 20 inches long. There was still no name indicated on the bassinet. I looked up and saw Aspyn walking back and forth with a baby in her arms, it must've been our daughter. I couldn't see the baby clearly but Aspyn looked as gorgeous as ever. Her long hair was shining as it swished behind her with every step she took and her figure was nearly normal, which was amazing considering she had just given birth to a baby not more than 24 hours ago. I reached out but my hand met nothing but clod hard glass and my heart sunk. There would always be something in-between us, just like that pane of glass to the hospital nursery. I thought to myself. I was lost in depressing thoughts when Aspyn began to turn toward the window. Not sure if it was a good time for her to see me I quickly ran away from the window and headed out of the hospital toward my car.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So Tay, how's you baby?"

"Zac, I don't really know. I couldn't get a good look at her cause Aspyn was holding her and I didn't want to get into a fight so I left her alone."

"Taylor, you can't avoid confrontation all of your life. Anyway I'll bet you anything that Aspyn takes you back. She really loved you, ya know. I mean you two were so close and so happy. Even you said that you wanted to marry her someday, and you've been commitment phobic since, since I can remember."

"I'm not commitment phobic I just don't want to get in too deep and hurt someone."

"Same difference. Just call her."

"No can do."

"Okay, run in to her 'on accident' somewhere. I bet Lily'll help you set that up."

"Maybe, it's worth the chance."

"I'm sure it is."

"Zac, thanks. As stupid and immature as you can be on a daily basis you do have redeeming moments like these in which you are a real help. I'm beginning to think that you're growing up."

"Ha, very funny. Well as touching as this brother to brother moment has been I've got to go, I've got a date with Skye in a few minutes."

"Good luck buddy. Don't get in too deep."

"Commitment phobic!"

"Whatever, just get out, go on your date or whatever it is and leave me alone."

Zac left the room and I lay back on my bed, closing my eyes and remembering. Things came flooding back to me, the good times with Aspyn and even the bad. For the 3 years that we were together we had been through thick and thin and still managed to be in love. We were best friends and lovers. The hardest thing that I ever had to do was end my relationship with her. I still can't fully understand why the publicist made me end things. They didn't care when she and I evoked controversy with the teenybopper fans about 3 years ago when we had just begun going out and we said something smug about girl-friends on ET. She became the focus of the whole big thing and the publicist didn't make us break up then. We got through that together and things only got better from there but when things got a little tougher, and we needed each other the most the publicist freaked out and now here we are. Me pining away, and Aspyn a single mother.

Suddenly the phone rang and startled me out of my depressed haze. I rolled over on my bed and willed the phone to stop ringing, unfortunately it didn't. I reached out and grabbed the phone.

"Hello."

"Hi Taylor, is that you?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

"It's Lily."

"Oh, hey Lily."

"Look Tay, when you went to the hospital yesterday you did a pretty good job of concealing yourself. Aspyn only thinks she saw you for a split second. Now earlier today when I was visiting she was babbling on about how she would've killed you if she saw you and then she started talking about Lucas�"

"Lucas?"

"Her boyfriend. Anyway, she sorta started referring to you, and talking about all the stuff you did together and how much she loved you and missed you."

"What?!" I cut in excitedly.

"Well she didn't realize that she was saying it but all the same she was saying it. I think that if you two just 'run into' each other that maybe you can rekindle things. You were so good together and she loves you so much. Plus, that child needs a father."

"I guess."

"Look, I'm gonna set this all up because I'm such a good friend to both of you, but you don't know that it's set up. So be in the park on the corner of Fifth and Birch next Monday, she'll be there running at around 8 am. I've gotta go now so don't forget the date, and there's no need to thank me yet." She laughed and hung up her end of the line.

A huge grin spread across my face and I put the phone down. Flopping back down on the bed I sighed and soon fell asleep.

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Chapter 4:

"So you're coming home today?"

"Yes Lucas I'm coming home today and we can hang out. We won't be alone, but I really missed you the past couple of days."

"I'm sorry I didn't come to visit you in the hospital or anything but you do understand right?"

"Yeah Luke, I understand. I mean I hate hospitals and I don't even really have a reason, you've got a good reason to fear hospitals the way you do and I don't hold that against you."

"Thanks sweetie."

"Well look I've got to go and check out then it'll be about 15 minutes till I'm home. Come over a soon as you can."

"I'll be there when you get home. Love you, bye."

"Love you too, bye."

I hung up the phone and grabbed my few scattered belongings, putting them in my bag. After checking out and picking up Hannah I met my mom in the lobby. She and I drove back to our house, stopping on the way for some extra diapers and formula. When I reached my house Lucas was sitting on my porch steps waiting patiently for me, a bouquet of sterling roses in his arms along with the cutest Puffalump. (~AN~ have you guys seen Bed Of Roses w/Christian Slater, well in that movie he sends the girl a dozen sterling roses every hour one day, those are the roses that are a light silvery purple color and have no thorns. They're really pretty. Also Puffalumps are these little stuffed animals that are like really smooth and puffy, hence the name. I had one as a kid and I just thought of them as I was writing~)

"Hey sweetie!" Lucas said as he enveloped me in a huge hug and then handed me the flowers.

"Hey babe." I handed my mother the flowers and leaned into the car, lifting the baby seat that contained my tiny daughter out of the car.

We walked into the house and I felt an overwhelming sense of fear. It was so strange for me, being in my home again. When I became pregnant and Taylor said that he wanted to end things between us my mother sent me away to my Aunt's house in Ohio. I'm not sure why but I was glad to be there. I guess because in Ohio there weren't any major reminders of Taylor, well besides the child growing in my stomach and my heartache. It was there that I met Lucas and we hit it off, then I learned that he was only visiting his family there and he really lived in Tulsa.

I'm assuming I feared the memories that were lurking in every corner of this house. Through the three years that Taylor and I were together we had become so close, he became almost a part of my family. He even had a toothbrush in our bathroom because he spent the night so often. I didn't want to face the memories, they would hurt me so much, but I guess I really have no choice. Taylor was everywhere and I would just have to deal with that. Maybe someday he could even be a part of Hannah's life.

I walked through the house and up the stairs to the nursery that my parents had set up for the incoming baby. It was all done in yellow because they had no idea of the baby's sex. Everything was perfect and to go along with that fact Hannah was fast asleep, so I could lay her down for a nap and spend sometime alone with Lucas.

I trotted down the stairs and found Lucas sitting on the couch in my den. I joined him on the couch and placed my head in his lap. Looking toward the mantel I could see so many pictures. Tears welled up in my eyes when I looked at the pictures of Taylor and I. They were from the Church Valentine's Day dance, at picnic's, the lake, in his tree-house, even a picture of us clutching each other in tears because he was about to leave for almost a year for their Middle of Nowhere tour. I hated looking at those pictures because they showed me a piece of my life that I wished that I could have back. I mean it's not that I want Taylor back now, he changed and it wasn't for the better, he became a heartless, cruel man, leaving me when he did. I wanted the old Taylor back. The one who would spend hours just holding me, who promised me that we would be together forever and that he would never hurt me, but I didn't think that that would ever happen, so I settled for Lucas, he loved me at least.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I groaned and spun over in my bed, it had been almost a week since I had come home and Hannah was almost sleeping through the night by some miracle of God. Unfortunately the one time I really wanted to sleep was the one time she woke up. My clock radio read about 5 am. Slowly I climbed out of bed and made my way to Hannah's nursery.

After I rocked her back to sleep I headed to my room, I wold try and sleep until about 7:45 and then get up to run because I have to lose some of the weight I put on during pregnancy. I hoped to run about 6 miles. 2 miles to the park on Fifth and Birch, 1 mile through that park, then a mile back through and the 2 miles back home. That would be a good distance to start at, then I could build back up to my 10 miles a day. The only problem is that I need someone to look after Hannah while I'm running. Now that wasn't my concern though, sleep was my top priority.

I woke up again at 7:30, ready to run. I pulled on shorts, a long sleeved cotton tee, wind-pants, and my trusty Nike's. After grabbing a scrunchie and pulling my unruly hair up I headed out onto Tulsa's familiar streets.

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