Chapter 13:
"Isaac, I really need to talk," I sat on the kitchen counter in his house and watched him clean pots and pans.
"Speak up then, Siobhan is at some Tupperware party and the kids are finally asleep, you've got my full attention," he turned from the dishes and looked at me. IT was weird because for a second I could see the Isaac of three years ago. I remember that time so acutely it's almost painful. We were just so close then, and now, now we had distanced some. He was still one of my best friends but after he moved out the relationship was strained considerably. I think it was because I felt like he was abandoning me in a way. I really needed to close the gap between us, and I think this is going to be a start.
"See, I've been sitting for Hannah for a month now, and for a while I thought I was making headway with Aspyn, but all of a sudden it all came to a halt."
"So, where are you guys right now?" he asked, interest and concern pasted across his face, I really did miss our chats like this.
"We sit and talk for hours after she comes back, about Hannah, about life, about almost anything, but we never touch on our relationship. It's like every time I go near it she shies away. We flirt so easily but anything serious gets mentioned and she reverts into her shell, the excuses of the pain I caused her flying every which way. Every time I think she's ready to come back, to start all over, we go back to square one and it's tearing me apart. Isaac I need her so bad it hurts and she totally ignores that fact, why can't she either forgive me, or get rid of me, stringing me along like this is horrible," I wanted to die thinking about what she was doing to me.
"Taylor, she's got a lot on her mind. You hurt her and she's afraid to let you back in so easily. Maybe this is her way of proving that you really are worth her heart again. She wants to see if you'll stick around while she plays her little games, she's making you earn her love, her trust, and your place in her heart. You have to take the bull by the horns and let her know exactly what you want. Talk to her and be aggressive about it. Tell her that you can't avoid it anymore and get everything out on the table. I can't guarantee that she's going to see eye to eye with you but it's worth a shot."
"You know Ike, you're totally right, I've got to talk to her. Thanks, I needed this," I turned to head for Aspyn's house but quickly turned back to Isaac, "I missed this, you know the way we used to be so close�"
"I did too, now go!" he smiled at me and I ran out to my car.
*~*~*~*
Aspyn opened the door to her house and I rushed in, not waiting for an invitation, what I had to say was way to important for formalities. She looked at me incredulously for a moment before I broke the heavy silence.
"Aspyn, we NEED to talk."
"Not now Taylor, this isn't the time," she knew what I had to say and she was pushing it away again.
"Don't give me that shit Aspyn, this is a good a time as any, and I need to get this off of my chest,"
"Fine," she had a dry tone in her voice, like I was wasting her precious time, "we can talk in my room."
I followed her up the stairs to her bedroom and as soon as she shut the door behind us I grabbed a hold of her arms, bringing her around to face me. I needed to look her in the eyes to tell her this, I need to see the way she felt, no facades covering her lies this time.
"Tell me how you feel about me," I demanded to know.
"How I feel about you?"
"Yes, Aspyn, how you feel about me."
She looked away, focusing on anything but my piercing eyes, "I don't know Taylor, I really don't know."
"Bullshit," I muttered under my breath before continuing. "Well then let me tell you how I feel about you. Aspyn, I love you, but you already know that. I love you so much it hurts, and I can't even imagine my life with out you by my side, that would be too painful. I made a mistake, and I know that you will never forget what I did to you, I could never expect you to, but I want another chance. I backed out only because I had to, there was no other way apparent to me at the time, I didn't want to ruin things for Isaac and Zachary, it wasn't their fault and they didn't deserve to be punished,"
"That's what you think this is, a punishment!" she yelled, but I could hear the tears in her voice.
"Hear me out, I never said that�Aspyn, this is not a punishment, it is a consequence of our actions, and an amazing one at that. I love our daughter very much and you know that, I could never look at her as a punishment, she is a blessing in disguise. When I had to leave you, during those nine months of hell, I grew so much, and I learned a lot about who I am and what I want. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you and our daughter and I know that now. I did a lot of thinking over that time and I realized that if I could go back in time, to that night, I wouldn't change a thing. Nothing, because that was so amazing, and I loved you so much, I still do. That night I was fully able to show you just how much I loved you and I could never erase that. The only thing I would change is this, I would never have listened to that damn publicist, not in a million years, Aspyn I would have stood by you in your time of need and we'd still be together. But I can't go back and change that, I can't erase the hurt I caused you, but I can beg for your forgiveness. I can beg you to open your heart and take me back. We can work things out and things can be the way they were,"
"Taylor I don't know if things can ever be as perfect as they were then, this will always be like dark cloud hanging over us."
"It doesn't have to be, darlin' please lets try to work this out, that's all I want to do is try it, I know it'll be alright," I was on the verge of tears ad Aspyn let them flow freely down her fragile face.
"I...I can't let you hurt me again..." she sobbed and her heavy breath hitched.
"Aspyn, I'll never ever do that to you again, I can't let that happen."
"Taylor, this, this, oh my god..."
"Aspyn, look at me, look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me at all. Tell me that you have no feelings for me whatsoever and I'll leave now, I'll let you go on with your new life. Tell me�"
I took her chin in my hand and kept her eyes fixed on mine, her tears were breaking my heart. I wanted to kiss each on of them away, and I wanted to hold her in my arms forever, until the pain washed away. Her chin quivered and she looked at me, no words escaped her parted lips.
"Tell me Aspyn, I need to hear you say it or I'll stay right here, I swear we can make this work,"
"I...I" she silenced and fell into my arms sobbing, she couldn't say it, I knew she still felt it.
"Oh, darlin', I love you so much, I love you..." I trailed off and buried my face into her hair, inhaling her scent that I had missed so much.
"For what it may be worth Jordan Taylor Hanson I never stopped loving you, and I never will, I couldn't." her voice was quiet, so quiet that I barely heard her. I wasn't sure if she really said it or if I had wanted so badly to hear her say it that I had imagined it.
I held Aspyn tight to my chest for as long as I could, I never wanted to let her go, I feared losing her to the cold, cruel outside world. But deep down inside I guess I always knew that things would work out, the love we had was too strong to ever let go.
Chapter 14:
I lay in my Taylor's arms and quietly listened to his heartbeat (so much for my little scheme. . .); it was so comforting to hear that again. I could imagine falling asleep this way every day of the rest of my life, nothing seemed more right. I think it was a Sunday in January, or was it a Monday in February. . .but it was one of the finest days of my life.
I had finally given in to my true feelings, actually Taylor forced me to admit to myself that I really did need him around. I could never tell him that I didn't love him, it would hurt too much. So now Taylor and I were one again, the way things should have always been. I may never forget what he did to me, but I've forgiven, and through these past weeks I've grown an unbelievable amount.
Taylor and I had had many long discussions about our relationship. I learned a lot about what he was going through and why he made his initial decision. I know now that he'd never imagined so much heartbreak and distress, he just couldn't see any other way out at that time. We talked, and talked, and talked, and everything came out, all our cards are played and now we're hoping for the best. He and I are together and Hannah has her father back in her life, I think that's a pretty good start.
So here we are, I'm lying in his strong, comforting arms in front of a blazing fire. Our daughter is spending the day with her Mimi and Poppy, and my parents have chosen to leave us alone.
Today feels like one of those endless days when we were 15, when we knew of nothing but our love and nothing could come between us. Wow, have we changed, but I guess we had to, and maybe changes are good. I don't think that things will ever be like they were then. . .but I know they'll be better, God knows we mean a hundred times more to each other now.
"Darlin'," he looked into my eyes deeply as he spoke my name.
"Yeah," my answer escaped my lips, barely floating on a breath of air.
"Can we go for a walk?" he had a puppy dog pout adorning his childishly mature face.
"Anything. . ." it was true I'd go anywhere for him.
He pulled me up to my feet and put my heavy pea coat on for me before putting his field coat. We made our way through the door, hand in hand, and out in to the frigid streets. Funny thing is I've never felt so warm in my life. A short distance down the street from my house was a large, basically empty park. There was a large open area and a small lake, centrally located in the park. I followed his lead and we walked across the bridge over the lake and to the far side of the park. There was a large Live Oak, positively dripping with Spanish moss, about 25 yards away. (Okay, so I know I'm killing the mood here but I feel the need to point out the fact that I know there are trees like this in South Carolina. And I love the image that they give to this scene, but I really don't know if they actually grow in Tulsa so just bare with me through this, kay, good. I'll leave you to the scene.) I remember this tree so exceedingly well that it's disgusting, but I guess it's the memories that make this tree so important. This is the tree that I played in as a child, I sat for hours on the solitary swing hanging on its strong branches, being pushed by Isaac and Taylor. It was under this tree that Taylor asked me out, and it's this tree on which he carved our initials together. I wondered what made Taylor want to bring me here.
I sat on the swing and Taylor began to casually push me from behind. We were silent, each bathing in the memories that surrounded us, but there was such a heavy connection between us. Suddenly Taylor stopped pushing me and walked around the swing to face me, he stopped the swing's pendulum like motion and held the ropes tightly between his powerful hands, looking ardently into my eyes.
"Aspyn," he was almost whispering as if speaking stronger would destroy the cocoon of love that enveloped us here, " do you remember what happened here?"
"How could I ever forget?" I spoke ethereally, just as he had.
"Do you remember what I told you that day?" he had a distant look in his eyes, he was lost in his own fond memory. He had told me so many things that day, what did he want to hear? Shortly he continued, not waiting for my answer. "I promised you that someday we'd be married."
My breath hitched sharply as I took in air, I couldn't believe this was happening, I. . .I, oh my God. I don't think I ever expected this to happen, not now at least. "Aspyn, I know this is kind of sudden, and we're young and all, but I love you so much. If I've told you one time I've told you a million times that I can't picture my life without you by my side, and I don't want to have to. This is the way I want things to be forever, screw the fans, screw the publicists, and screw anyone who doesn't see the way I feel. I need to know that tomorrow, and 10,000 years from tomorrow, I can wake up knowing that you're beside me, loving me the way I'm loving you. You are my best friend, my confidant, and my partner in crime, my better half, and my lover, not to mention the mother of my daughter," he paused and reached into his coat pocket removing a deep green velvet covered box before he continued, "Say that you'll be mine from now until the end of time, marry me. . ." he trailed off and dropped to one knee, the open box in his left hand and his right lost in mine, he was shaking and so was I.
Salty tears rolled over my cheeks as I looked at the ring he had for me. He had remembered, after all those years he had remembered my dream. Inside the box lay a platinum engagement ring, a round emerald flanked by two round diamonds each of the same size. This was the ring I had picked out of a Valentines Day issue of the local newspaper, all of four years ago, proclaiming that this was the ring I wanted to have as mine. Somehow Taylor had remembered that and he found the ring for me.
"What did you think I would say. . ." he slipped the ring onto my finger and once again I fell into his arms crying, only this time they were tears of joy.
We stayed like that for the longest period of time, not wanting to break our embrace, or leave behind this moment to become yet another memory beneath this tree. We knew we'd have to, but something held us there, in our own little happy ending, and I silently thanked every star I'd ever wished upon, my dream was coming true.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, Taylor and Aspyn's story has come to a close. I thank you all for putting up with me through the lack of updates, writer's block, and just everything that went wrong with this story. I'd also like to give my best friend Courtney a huge cyber hug in thanks for helping me get this thing going, I know you loved it even though you cant stand Hanson *mischievous grin, now your first concert will be a HANSON concert* . Lastly, even though this story is done I'd still love to hear your comments and everything. Also, I'll make no promises now, but some time in the future (distant, I think) there may be a continuation or sequel to this story. I've got a lot going on that I'd like to finish up first, but there's plenty of room for a sequel, just let me know what you think. Thanks again. . .Lucie